


Between Honour and Love

by moonlight_petal



Series: Between verse [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton is a good man, Alexander Hamilton is an idiot, Alexander is emotional, Alexander is the Secretkeeper, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambushes and Sneak Attacks, Angst, Anxiety, Arguments, Backstory, Best of wives and best of wing women, Confessions, Eliza has secrets, Eliza is a mum, Eliza is an amazing friend, F/M, Family Feels, Feelings, Fever, First Kiss, Fluff, Hercules Mulligan is a Good Friend, Hercules is in love, Hurt Alexander Hamilton, Hurt/Comfort, James Madison is the best friend, James is a frail little sweetheart, John Laurens Lives, John Laurens has unhealthy coping mechanisms, John Laurens is emotional, Laf gives healing hugs, M/M, Marquis de Lafayette is a Good Friend, Memories, Mentions of Blood, Nightmares, Papa bear Alex, Politics, Resolution, Sickness, Thomas Jefferson has issues, Thomas is overly dramatic, Washington is a bit of a dad, Washington is a dad as well, Washington is a stubborn man, Washington should know better, and quite done with his friend, discussions about slavery, eliza is awesome, mentions of social anxiety, seriously Alexander is the best dad, the infamous financial plan, the squad are the best uncles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 59,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26442028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlight_petal/pseuds/moonlight_petal
Summary: In the aftermath of the Laurens/Lee duel, the unnamed thing between John and Alexander is put to the test when Hamilton returns home to his wife. But it's not all what it seems to be.Following 'Meet me inside', this story tells what happend afterwards a little differently.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette & Hercules Mulligan, Alexander Hamilton/Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens, Thomas Jefferson & James Madison
Series: Between verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2062326
Comments: 61
Kudos: 125





	1. Aftermath of a duel

**Author's Note:**

> Wah, it's been quite some time since I've been actually nervous before posting anything here.  
> It's my first time in this fandom and with this I've literally been writing my way out of a major slump if you excuse this blatant use of a quote.  
> I don't usually tend to posting unfinished stories but as I'm starting on chapter 15 I figured I should go for it.  
> What else is there to say... ah yeah, I'm in awe of the pure talent that is the work of Lin-Manuel Miranda and I guess that's part of the reason why I'm feeling nervous about sharing this because it's such a high bar to measure up to.  
> There will be historical inaccuracies obviously and although this largely follows the musical adaptation there are also some background things here and there that I've learned from the literary delight that is the original Alexander Hamilton biography. Tags will changes over time I guess, I really have no clue how to tag this at the moment, it's all a bit blurry if I don't want to reveal too much.  
> And lastly, despite being pretty fluent, English isn't my first language, as much as I'd wish it to be, I know I do have a tendency for times-inconsistency... I hope it's not too distracting and if there are any blatant BIG mistakes, let me know.
> 
> Other than that, if by any chance you're reading this and you've also read my other stuff, I do intend to continue that as well but it's just not coming along recently. Thanks to my sis at heart, whithout whom I probably wouldn't have gotten the chance to watch 'Hamilton' in the first place. Luv ya.
> 
> Please enjoy!

„Go home, Alexander, that’s an order from your commander! Go home!“ His excellency George Washington’s voice carried loud and clear through the wooden door of his camp office.

Lafayette leaned against the wall opposite of said door, waiting for his friend and brother in battle to emerge. He hadn’t been there when the duel had taken place, busy with his own soldiers and responsibilities but immediately made his way to the main office when he heard the news. John had been taken for questioning as soon as they returned to the camp and they all knew that Alexander would need a friend to keep his head cool after this talk. Never had he imagined that Washington would kick Alexander out.

When the smaller man left the office, he looked honestly broken. Hamilton probably was the most eager to fight and win the war out of all of them and for him to be sent home… well Lafayette had an idea how his friend felt.

He looked at him with a sorrowful edge to his eyes.

“Mon ami, what have you been thinking…” he murmured, expressing how he personally felt about the rash actions of Alex and John, his actions however, conveyed something else as he stepped closer, gathering Hamilton in a tight embrace.

“It had to be done. We couldn’t let Lee slander Washington’s name like that, no matter what the General says. And I didn’t disobey his direct order either, it’s…” the smaller defended himself, the words muffled against Lafayette’s shoulder. “It’s not fair…”

“I know it’s not, mon ami… I know…” he gently patted Alexander’s back. “So… back home to your wife?”

Hamilton flinched at the last word but nodded mutely, before he abruptly pulled his head back, staring up in Lafayette’s eyes.

“Where’s John?” he demanded to know.

The taller man hesitated for a second.

“You know where he is, non? They took him away immediately, he probably will have to stay under arrest until the morning, we both know how these things go. There’s likely nothing he has to fear since the duel had been carried out appropriately, according to the rules and Lee willingly took part in it but still… he will be fine though, you know John. Most likely he’ll bounce back in the morning, right as rain and well rested because he slept the night away undisturbed by Hercules’ snoring for once.” He explained what they both already knew, trying to make light of the grim situation.

Alexander’s shoulders sagged at that, hope for a different outcome crushed by Lafayette’s words. He did muster a weak smile in the end though because despite everything, his French friend had a good point.

“True… I just hope I get to see him before I have to leave in the morning. I doubt they will let me see him now. And I need to see him before… talk to him, Laf. I can’t be the one who got him into this mess and then vanish without even saying… goodbye.” Alex said, voice soft and rough from suppressed emotion. Lafayette noted the wet sheen of his eyes but chose not to comment on it for the sake of his friend.

None of their tight knit foursome had ever put it into words but Lafayette knew in his heart that there was something else between John and Alexander, something deeper, something beautiful but dangerous at the same time. He loved his friends no matter what, was probably even more open than anyone else in the whole country thanks to his upbringing and turned a blind eye on a regular basis when he woke up in the middle of the night to find John and Alex tightly curled around each other in the bed of the latter. He was worried about the both of them, about what Alex’ dismissal would do to either one of them.

Gently Lafayette pulled Alexander closer once more.

“That won’t happen, mon ami, I promise. I will make sure of it personally!”

They stood like that for another moment, but then the taller gently pushed Alex off, silently guiding him out of the office to camp administration to take the necessary steps for his return home.

~*~

It had been a restless night for the Frenchman, too wound up to sleep properly with his thoughts circling around the predicament his friends were in.

With the break of dawn he silently left their tent and made his way to their arrest facility. He dismissed the guard with a silent nod, a young soldier, still full of respect and awe for his superiors who didn’t dare to question Lafayette’s authority.

He entered the dark room without a sound, huffing softly when he found John Laurens exactly how he had expected to find him: sleeping soundly, curled around a flimsy blanket with a soft smile on his lips. Lafayette almost regretted that he had to wake him up since John tended to be almost as bad as Alexander himself when it came to proper sleep. Yet another thing that connected those two.

He dropped to his knees next to his friend and gently shook his shoulder.

“John. John, mon ami, wake up!” he murmured softly, watching as big bright eyes slowly blinked at him until it registered with John who was talking to him. In an instant he was awake and sitting upright on the narrow bunk.

“Laf? What is it? Why are you here?” he whispered urgently, immediately taking note of the fact that the sun wasn’t even properly up yet and it was way too early for him to be released under normal circumstances.

“Don’t be alarmed, mon ami but I do come bearing bad news.” Lafayette sighed, settling next to John on the bunk. “The General was… very unhappy with what you and Alexander did. And I do admit I can understand his reasoning which…” he quickly held up a hand to stop John’s angry reply to that. “…which isn’t to say that I don’t fully understand your reasoning as well. Hell, I wanted to kick Lee’s ass myself. Anyway he…” he sighed again. “… he sent Alexander home, effective immediately. I’m sorry, my friend.”

John stared at Lafayette in utter shock.

“What? But he didn’t do anything! We need Alexander, he’s the brain and backbone of this whole revolution… *I* need Alexander…”

Lafayette rested a warm hand against John’s back, feeling the subtle shaking of the smaller man.

“I know that and I’m sure General Washington knows it as well but he has a point also when he says that Eliza needs him as well, he is married after all, mon ami.”

It broke the taller man’s heart to see John visibly shut down the way he always did the moment Eliza Hamilton was mentioned. The fact that Alexander had married the woman had confused Lafayette from the beginning but he had congratulated his friend anyways. He just couldn’t help but feel that it stood at odds with what he had seen almost daily since they had returned back to camp and even before that if he was being honest.

John stayed quiet for a long moment, visibly pulling himself together.

“Is he already gone?” he finally asked.

“He’s not. That’s why I’m here. He has to leave soon but I promised that he would get to talk to you before that even if it means staging a … how do you say… a prison break to accomplish that.” Lafayette smiled warmly at his smaller friend.

“Where is he?” John asked breathlessly, already halfway to the door.

“At our tent of course and I’m sure Hercules has already left to get breakfast by now as well. Go, mon ami! Tell Alexander not to leave without saying goodbye to me!” the Frenchman smiled.

“Will do, Laf! Thank you!”

~*~

John quickly made his way through the camp, greeting the few fellow soldiers who were up already.

Alexander was meticulously packing all of his things into his small bag when John burst through the opening, breathing hard.

“Alex!” John called. “So it’s really true…” he added more silently when his eyes fell on the usually cluttered space around Alexander’s bed that was now completely empty and clean.

“John!” the name wasn’t more than a whisper. With only few steps Hamilton reached his friend, grabbing both his upper arms. “John, are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Alex, better than you from the looks of it. What the hell happened? Why did Washington send you home, that’s not fair, not to say stupid as hell!” the freckled man demanded to know.

“I have honestly no idea anymore what’s going through this man’s head. I respect and admire the man but it’s like he doesn’t even want to win this war anymore. He sent me home because ‘he needs me alive’… I just wonder what for because the way he’s going, he won’t live long enough to have any use of me being alive anymore.” Alexander rambled, still very much furious with their General. He only stopped when John went stiff under his fingers.

“John?”

“I do too.” John whispered, voice strangled by emotion. “I *need* you alive, Alexander!” he clarified when his friend only looked confused at him.

Alexander’s features softened at that and after a quick, cautious look at the door flap of the tent, he pushed up on his tiptoes and pressed a small kiss to John’s forehead which made the freckles stand out even more against the soft blush on his cheeks.

“I know and I feel the same, so don’t you do anything stupid like dying while I’m away. I’ll try to find a way to come back as quickly as I can.”

“Which hopefully will be really soon because this whole endeavour needs your ideas. Washington is the General and Lafayette is good, but he’s not you, Alex.” John said emphatically and Alexander, being well-versed in all things John Laurens, understood what meaning laid under those words.

“I can’t disagree with you but please, promise me that you’ll take care of yourself. And the other two as well for that matter.” Alexander pleaded with his friend.

“I won’t make any promises, you know that those only lead to heartbreak out here but I’ll do my best!” and with that John actually really realized that Alexander was telling him good-bye now to return to his wife and something snapped in him. “Not that it will do me any good when you go back to your *wife*.” He added in a sudden cold snap.

And that was the big elephant in the room they’ve been ignoring ever since the Winter’s Ball where he met Eliza.

“It’s not what you think, John. You have to believe me when I say that but I can’t tell you more now and I realize we should have talked about this earlier and we will. I will explain it to you as soon as I’m back, I give you my word!”

“Hamilton!” someone yelled only few tents down.

John scoffed.

“I’ll hold you to that *if* you return, Alex. Now go, have a good journey. Oh and Lafayette demands a good-bye in person as well, so you better hurry.” He pulled himself free and turned to leave.

“John…” Alexander winced but he was quickly running out of time.

About 15 minutes later he mounted a horse alongside the three soldiers who were to accompany him home and bring back supplies.

General Washington had seen him off himself, as had Lafayette and Hercules but Alexander couldn’t help but painfully feel the absence of his dearest friend.


	2. Helpless

The meeting, courting and subsequent wedding of one Eliza Schuyler and Alexander Hamilton was a true romantic fairy tale come true where the public, their friends and even Eliza’s family were concerned.

Only the two of them knew the truth that had really taken place and had led to their marriage. A secret only discussed in the absolute privacy of the night and a handful of letters carefully hidden, never to be found without either one’s permission.

If you asked Angelica about that fateful night at the Winter’s Ball, she will tell you the highly romantic story of how her sweet, innocent younger sister Eliza had followed her around, enjoying the music and dancing but decidedly shy around the soldiers until she laid eyes on one in particular who captivated her heart with one glance in his big, brown eyes. She instantly fell helplessly in love with Alexander Hamilton, unable to save her own heart.

But that wasn’t where fate ended, she would say. No, Alexander Hamilton who was a highly intelligent, young man and already had a reputation of chasing after every skirt in close proximity, had been struck speechless and bashful when Angelica introduced him to her sister while he had been brash and flirtatious with herself before. It had seemed like a divine event where God himself had pulled the strings to connect these two souls.

And who knew, maybe he really did, even if it was for different reasons than everyone else thought.

From there on it had been an absolute rush of letters exchanged between the two young lovers and also long walks and talks to get to know each other which had ended with Mr. Schuyler giving Hamilton his blessing to marry his daughter.

It was indeed a fairy tale story from beginning to end. But as stories had the habit to be, it was a far cry from reality.

~*~

Alexander left his comrades at the edge of the city and made his way to the small, newly-wed home in Harlem on foot where his wife was waiting for his return.

He stood and waited for several minutes in front of the house, trying to find the courage to actually enter.

Eliza stopped halfway down the stairs when her eyes fell on her husband as he stepped through the front door.

“Alexander!” she gasped, immediately tears sprang to her eyes as she ran down the remaining steps, throwing her arms around her husband tightly.

“Hello my dearest wife…” Alexander replied, a soft smile grazing his features despite the conflicted emotions in his heart as he closed his arms around her as well.

“I didn’t dare to hope for you to come back so soon.” She admitted, shifting slightly.

Alexander’s breath caught in his throat for a moment, as he gently pushed the dark-haired woman back a step, observing the slight bump in her middle with awe and wonder.

“Eliza…” he whispered, carefully touching his hand on top. “Since when…”

“I was sure about it a month ago… you didn’t know? I wrote to your General directly for him to let you know. I didn’t want to risk the letter to you getting lost somewhere along the way.” She explained at her husband’s astonished look. “You really didn’t know Alexander? But… how come you came back already if you didn’t even know about this? I hadn’t expected for you to return to my side before the war is won…” she whispered, covering his gentle hands with her own, pulling him along to the living room and onto their couch.

“Eliza, my dear Eliza…” he cupped her cheek, looking at her with sorrowful eyes. “You couldn’t have suspected but now everything makes so much more sense… I was being rash and hot-headed again, trying to defend General Washington’s honour. He didn’t appreciate the effort a whole lot and sent me home as punishment. Or so I thought… now I can see how he thought that he was doing me a favour, saving me from going into battle again to be able to see my child. Oh, I wish you would have told me instead, Eliza…” he said, hanging his head in sorrow and defeat.

“I’m sorry, my dear, I hadn’t expected this…” she murmured, her voice thick with guilt.

“No, no no no… don’t get me wrong, my darling wife, I’m not angry with you. You had good intentions and under normal circumstances you would even have been right, the letters to us mere soldiers have a sad tendency to get lost in the fray. Your reasoning was perfectly sound, Eliza.” Again, he placed a gentle hand on her stomach.

“And while I’m here now, I promise you no matter what, I will love this child with all my heart and support our family the best I can. If it’s up to me, both of you will never experience the lack of anything you ever desire. I know who I married from the start, knowing every possible outcome. As far as I’m concerned, this child is going to be my child in every aspect but blood and as such I will take care of both of you.”

“Oh Alexander… I will never be able to repay the sacrifices you made for me.” The woman gasped softly, tears running down her cheeks.

~*~

And herein laid the truth of the matter. The true story that was never to be told out loud. Significantly less romantic but no less fateful all the same.

The night of the Winter’s Ball Eliza Schuyler had been closed off and distracted. What her sister perceived as innocent shyness, actually had been well hidden pain and sorrow.

The Schuyler sisters all were pretty women, their beauty only rivalled by their intelligence and hunger for knowledge. Or at least that’s how it seemed to anyone who knew them. (Well, okay Peggy maybe less so, yet. But the girl was still young.) And it wasn’t a rare occurrence to meet them downtown, watching the young men work and always out for the latest political gossip even if their father remained blissfully ignorant to that fact.

Significantly rarer, if not to say never, was one of the sisters to be seen on their own and yet that’s exactly what had happened only shortly before the Winter’s Ball was set to take place.

Eliza had ventured out on her own, tired of being cooped up at the house. That’s when Eliza Schuyler had made the acquaintance of one Philip Cunningham and his friend and fellow soldier Benjamin Davis. The two men were on leave for three days before they were set to return into battle.

And for these three days it had been exactly the secret whirlwind romance between Eliza and Philip that the public would later attribute to Alexander Hamilton.

Their time together was too short for Eliza to introduce Philip to her father as a prospective son-in law or her sisters for that matter. But Philip had ardently promised her to return to her side as quickly as he was able to, to make her his wife and his friend had vowed to hold him to his promise. Driven by blind love for Philip and sadness over his imminent return into battle, Eliza had made a fateful decision that could ruin not only her but also her sisters’ life.

Not even a whole week later she received a letter by Benjamin Davis informing her that her lover had lost his life when he heroically had tried to rescue innocent civilians when a British cannon struck the exact same building. Davis himself had only barely made it out because Philip had sent him on his way with two small children in his arms minutes before the disaster happened, he confessed.

Eliza had been shocked by the letter, had only just made it to her room before she broke down in tears. Peggy had found her some time later, barely awake, delirious and feverish. Her family treated the mysterious illness with utmost care and Eliza stayed quiet about the source.

She hadn’t wanted to go to the ball in the first place but Angelica had urged her to come along. No longer physically ill, her older sister reasoned, Eliza needed some joyful distraction to heal her mental state as well.

And that’s where she had met Alexander Hamilton. The man who with just one look into her eyes had seen through her mask and defences. Who had recognized the pain and devastating loss in her heart because he knew it intimately well. Instinctively Eliza had felt drawn to the young man who seemed to understand her despite not knowing her and who harboured a dark secret of his own in his heart.

Over the following two weeks they developed a bond. Alexander, who wielded his quill with the same precision as his weapons in battle, took care to always send two letters to the young woman. One that contained all the flowery poetry and declarations of love her sisters expected from him and one solely for Eliza wherein their true connection was formed.

Looking back at that time, Eliza couldn’t say what had led her to confide in Hamilton what she didn’t even dare to tell her older sister. He could have destroyed her completely but he chose to help her, chose to make the ultimate sacrifice for her because he knew all too well what laid ahead of her in this cold and downright cruel world by the time her tragic story would be impossible to hide anymore. He had seen it several times, had lived the effects all his life because of his mother. And if Alexander Hamilton could spare just one woman and possible child the same fate, he would take that challenge gladly.

It would have been an impossible debt for Eliza to carry if it hadn’t been for Alexander Hamilton’s own secret. She had wondered about him for several nights until she finally understood his own dilemma without him actually telling her. It had been more a coincidence that she had put the pieces together one night when Alexander and his three best friends had been guests at the Schuyler house, shortly after her father had given Alexander his blessings. She had observed the four men with amusement as they teased each other mercilessly. But what she saw in combination with what Alexander had told her about them in his secret letters, one of them in particular, painted a very clear picture of where Alexander’s true heart belonged. She understood that it was an equally hopeless love as her own and that’s when their true bond was forged.


	3. Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little later than the previous chapters, sorry about that...  
> I'm on vacation but still at work with this one ;)  
> Please enjoy.

>Mon ami,

I hope this letter finds you and your dear wife in good health and your surprise reunion was ever so loving.

General Washington… well let’s just say, the overall mood at our camp became significantly colder since your departure. He actually said to leave you alone and not concern you with details but I’m not going to keep quiet when we all know that his decision was a glaring mistake that’s costing our side more lives than necessary.

I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, my friend but to reassure you that your absence is sorely felt and we’re working to make Washington see it as well.

So don’t get too comfortable just yet, Alexander. You’ll be with us soon enough.

-Your friend, Lafayette.<

~*~

>Alexander, my friend!

I’ve read your letter several times now and still can’t quite believe what I’ve been reading. You surprised me with your wedding announcement back then but learning that Eliza is expecting… my friend you have me shocked and confused.

I do agree with you however, in the grand scheme of things it definitely explains the questionable decision to send you home by our General. This man is full of surprises.

We are struggling though, Alexander. Ever since his Excellency has taken over writing all his correspondence himself again, our congress approved supplies have effectively been cut by half. You know best what that means for all of us. I’ve written to France again, let’s hope help is on its way.

All that aside, I do congratulate you and your wife and will keep your continued safety in my thoughts as well.

-Your friend, Lafayette<

~*~

Lafayette rubbed his temples tiredly as he finished up his latest letter, feeling even more exhausted from all the things he didn’t write.

He hadn’t been lying to his friend, everything Alexander had told him in his letter had utterly shocked and confused him. Not that it hadn’t been expected at some point but being the one who was back at the camp, witnessing first-hand what Alexander’s absence did to them, did to John, he couldn’t help but wish that it wouldn’t have happened now. Now he had to decide if he should share the news with Hercules and John.

“Laf! I need your help…” a call rang though the camp outside, startling Lafayette out of his musings. Instantly his heart accelerated in his chest in fear what he would find.

“What the hell happened?” gasped the Frenchman when his eyes fell on exactly what he had hoped wouldn’t be the case. Hercules was walking in his direction, the pale and slightly bloody figure of one John Laurens supported at his side. Their young friend seemed pretty out of it.

“Not enough sleep or food, too much to drink and a temper running hotter than lava, take your pick. Kid started a full-on brawl with a handful of guys in the next village over, I don’t even know why.” Mulligan explained softly, depositing their friend on his bed.

Lafayette just hummed softly in understanding, quickly patting John down, taking stock of his injuries and the dangerously protruding ribs, glad that for once everything seemed to be superficial.

Without a word Hercules handed him the small First Aid pack to clean and dress the cuts on John. It was an occurrence that happened way too often in recent times and it worried them both.

When Laf rubbed over a pretty big bruise on John’s cheek, the smaller man whined in distress.

“Hush, mon ami. You know I have to, can’t let anything happen to that pretty face of yours or Alexander will have my head.” The Frenchman murmured calmingly. Usually John tended to settle down more when their mutual friend was brought up in these instances but tonight it resulted in John scrunching up his face and curling away from the careful hands of his friend, whining and hissing in even more pain as he pulled at the various injuries, silent tears leaking from under his eyelids.

“It’s getting worse with him… at the rate he’s going, he manages to kill himself before the British get to us. Jesus, I thought Alex already had a borderline self-destructive streak but this?” Hercules muttered, carding his fingers gently through the long locks, untangling them and removing some of the dried blood and dirt at the same time. “Any news?” he added, conveying what he meant with a silent look.

Laf sighed.

“Nothing good, at any rate, I’ll tell you later. I do agree with you, however. We need to keep an even closer eye on him. Remember how we handled Alexander in the beginning? I think it’s time for a bit tough love… I can’t do a whole lot about the British at the moment but I won’t let him kill himself on my watch.” He whispered, rubbing John’s back in steady circles until he relaxed and obviously drifted into exhausted oblivion before he resumed his work.

“Oh I remember, but you realise that this ordeal with Alexander was so much easier with John on our side. Now Alex is the reason for his behaviour and I honestly still am a bit confused as to what actually happened between them for this turn of things… anyway, I’ll follow your lead on this.”

Lafayette considered his friend, wondering not for the first time, how much Hercules Mulligan knew or suspected. Sometimes he had a feeling that they both were on the same page when it came to Alexander and John’s dynamic and at other times, like now, he seemed too innocently oblivious of it all.

He was about to reply when yelling and shooting outside ripped through the quiet.

“Go, your men need you, I’ll stay with him…” Hercules urged and Lafayette didn’t waste any more time as he sprinted outside to see what was happening.

~*~

It had been a short but intense fight, meant to taunt and rattle the American soldiers. Their British counterparts hadn’t seemed to follow any clear goal with their attack on the camp and Lafayette got the distinct feeling that making them feel unsafe in their own camp had been the main idea. And it was working especially on the younger recruits who were barely of age and still had their whole life ahead of them.

“Lafayette… a word…” General Washington called out to the Frenchman when he passed the office building.

Immediately he straightened his back and followed Washington inside, his blood smeared hands hidden behind his back from when he had taken one of his men to the medic personally.

“Your Excellency, how can I be of service?” Lafayette asked softly, taking note of the deep, purple bruises under Washington’s eyes. They were present on all of them but the intensity on the General’s face worsened visibly over the past two weeks.

“Are there any news from our French allies?” the older asked, getting straight to the point.

“I’m afraid not, your Excellency. If so, you would be the first to know, I assure you.”

“Yes of course. But with this attack on our hands, I couldn’t help but hope. Lafayette, can I be honest with you for a second?” Washington sank on the chair behind his desk, motioning for his new Second to take a seat as well.

“Of course, your Excellency.”

“Things have been difficult as of late as I’m sure you’ve already noticed yourself. I’m reaching my wits end. Congress, from the safety of their homes, don’t deem it necessary to send the help and supplies I ask them for. The surrounding villages have resumed favouring British payment over ours. Our men, mostly young boys, are actively starving right in front of me because of it and I fear soon we’ll have another mutiny on our hands. And not because they are afraid, because they sure are, but because they physically can’t fight anymore. I would be eternally grateful for your input on the situation, my friend.”

Lafayette, despite knowing all this, was shocked by the raw honesty in Washington’s defeated voice but he made sure not to show any of it on his face.

He paused for a long moment to actually think.

“Your Excellency, I share your opinion on the matter at hand but what I have to say to you, you won’t like. If only Hamilton could return…”

“Out of the question, I sent him home for a good reason and I won’t risk his life now by calling him back.” The General interrupted Lafayette’s sentence. Just like the Frenchman had anticipated. It had been the same result every time he had mentioned Alexander’s name.

“But with him back, I’m convinced things could take a turn in our favour again. Even if it’s just for his insufferable eloquence with the quill to respectfully blackmail congress into sending whatever we ask for.”

Washington sighed deeply.

“It’s not that I don’t agree with you but this whole affair can’t be solved by one man alone, even if it is Alexander Hamilton. No, there has to be another way out of this.” He trailed off, deep in thought for a moment and the Frenchman didn’t dare to interrupt him. “And speaking of… before the attack I saw Mulligan drag Laurens into camp. Is there anything going on that I should be concerned about? In our situation I would hate to have to send Laurens home as well.”

Lafayette winced internally.

“No, your Excellency. Nothing lasting, I assure you. Laurens just suffers from the consequences of the congress’ decisions more than us but he will be alright soon enough. Please don’t concern yourself with this, I will take the matter in my own hands.” He promised emphatically. “Would that be all, your Excellency?”

Washington searchingly observed his Second, looking intently for the half-truth in his words but couldn’t be sure about it.

“Very well. I’ll hold you to that. And yes, that would be all for now. Do think about the problem at hand though, I’m awaiting suggestions anytime.”

Lafayette got to his feet and nodded in understanding and greeting before he quickly left the office.

“Merde!” He murmured under his breath as soon as he stepped out of the building.


	4. Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of feels all around.  
> Please enjoy!

Over the course of the three weeks since Alexander Hamilton’s unwilling return home, the man had slowly settled into some kind of a routine.

He got up at the break of dawn and went over whatever essay, letter or article he had written the day before, got them ready to be sent off to their respective recipients. After that he would have breakfast with Eliza, talking with his wife about whatever took her fancy at the time, be it the latest gossip or what she’d like to do and change around the house, especially with the baby on the way. Alexander made sure to indulge her in that way even if his thoughts were miles away at times, worrying about a million things simultaneously. She was his wife and he adored her after all, no matter the circumstances of their marriage.

By the time they finished up, usually the morning post would have arrived and he would retire to his small study to read the newspapers and letters before he set out to answer the letters and write new material for the papers. Eliza would bring him lunch at some point, gently reminding him to eat which he rarely did and in the late afternoon he would emerge from his study for tea and a walk with his wife before the evening post arrived and the cycle in the study started again with him reading and mumbling to himself, writing like his life depended on it.

There were only few exceptions to this routine. Some were unavoidable when there were errands to run, others were pleasant interruptions when Eliza’s sisters came to visit and again others were downright devastating. That was especially the case, Eliza had noticed, when letters from the war front arrived. At first, she had thought it would be nice for her husband to get letters from his friends but she quickly learned that these letters would result in Alexander shutting the world out completely, a deeply saddened shadow to his brown eyes. Sometimes it would trigger an even worse writing frenzy than usual but most of the time Alexander just stopped, sitting in his study, staring at nothing, not listening to the goings-on around him.

That’s when Eliza became really concerned.

“My dear, you need to eat something…” she urged him again on one of those days. She had placed a plate of simple food in front of her husband, sinking to her knees next to his chair, gently gathering one of his hands in both of hers. “I’m worried about you…” she whispered earnestly and that finally got his attention.

Alexander tried to muster a small smile for her.

“Don’t be, I’m fine… all you have to do is worry about yourself and our son.” He retorted with a quick glance towards her mid-section.

“You are most certainly not fine, Alexander. I can see it. You haven’t been properly fine for a day since you returned. And I understand that you would rather be with your friends, fighting for the freedom of our country but I can’t help but feel like there is something more and it breaks my heart not being able to help you. Don’t you want to tell me about what keeps you up at night and lets you forget to eat? I’m not sure if I can offer you a solution but maybe sharing the burden will make it easier for you? You can trust me with anything.”

Alexander regarded her with a sad expression in his eyes, a fight raging in his head, weighing between shutting Eliza out and being safe and letting her in and endangering everything they had achieved up until now.

It was a difficult choice for the inherently private man but for some reason that privacy always had weaker defences when it came to the brown-haired woman. Alexander supposed it had something to do with the pure vulnerability she had confided in him with, had opened herself up to devastating ruin had he not chosen to keep her secret as his own as well.

“My dear wife…” he whispered, voice rough and broken, hesitating. The woman just smiled at him encouragingly without a word, sensing that she had to give him time. “It’s… exactly as you say, I’m supposed to fight at the front with my friends. I have no right to be in the safety of our home while they risk their lives out there when I’m the one who roped them into this war in the first place. This guilt is eating me alive, burning my insides day and night…” he tried to explain to her. “And days like today… it’s hard. There has been another letter from Lafayette. He only tells me the bare minimum, I know that but with the news in the papers, it’s enough to know that they are literally fighting a losing battle because the Congress withholds the aid they so desperately need. He says they manage, but for how long Eliza? And Hercules tells me about the men, about how the young recruits are slowly starving out there… that the mood becomes more and more bleak. It’s not right… it’s just not right…” he whispers and the heart of the young woman breaks for her husband but also the brave soldiers who were fighting for their freedom.

And yet.

And yet she instinctively knew that there was more and that might just be the most important part because it was so glaringly obvious that Alexander had omitted someone in his story.

“My love…” she stretched her hand up, gently cupping his cheek. “What about John? What does *he* tell you?”

Alexander Hamilton usually prided himself that he had an almost impeccable poker face but that night he couldn’t help the involuntary flinch. He turned his gaze away from his wife. Deep down he had known that Eliza had seen right through him even if they had never really talked about it in any sort of detail. He tried but it was almost impossible for Alexander to keep his eyes from welling up with tears.

“I don’t know… he doesn’t write… it’s a complicated thing.” He said almost soundlessly.

Eliza’s eyes widened in understanding. Alexander’s heartbroken state made so much more sense to her then.

“Did you write to him?” she asked cautiously.

“I tried… I tried so many times but I just can’t… I can’t find the words and isn’t that the biggest joke of all.” The man choked out, giving into the urge to hide even more, letting his head fall forward against Eliza’s shoulder. The hand that had previously rested on his cheek gently finding its new place at the back of Alexander’s head.

“I’m not seeing a joke in this, Alexander… this is a delicate matter after all.” She tried to reassure him.

“That it is. But then I doubt he would answer me if I wrote… he’d been so angry when I left, not that he openly showed it but I know. Deep down he resents me, I think. I hurt him so many times that I can’t even blame him anymore…” the words came out muffled against Eliza’s shoulder.

“You know him better than I do, Alexander but I can’t believe that. I’m sure that you never hurt him on purpose, you forget, I know who I married as well.”

Alexander emitted a choked off sob, couldn’t help it in that situation.

“That might just be the point, Eliza…” he murmured brokenly, more to himself than to his wife but the woman picked up on the words anyway and more importantly on their meaning.

It would be easy for her to pretend, act like she hadn’t heard him and leave the conversation at this. But the tiny flame of concern and sympathy roared into a full-blown fire in her chest. Alexander had kept her secret, had protected her from scandal and social shame and he was paying an even bigger prize than she had realised before. She couldn’t let him do that; she wouldn’t be able to live with herself. And it might just be the almost untamed mother instincts growing in her heart that gave her the courage to protect Alexander when he had already vowed to protect and love her and her unborn child even if it wasn’t his own.

“Alexander, my dearest husband and friend… am I to understand correctly that you have not told John about the complexities of our marriage?” she asked carefully, trailing her fingertips gently through the long locks at the back of the man’s head.

At the question he slowly raised his head, deep brown eyes with tears leaking from the edges silently looked at her in confused surprise.

“No, Eliza. I couldn’t. It’s not my place to tell anyone. I’ve made my choice, I walked into this life with wide open eyes. I promised to protect you and honour you until my dying day and I will, Eliza. I will, I swear.” He exclaimed in an awkward mix between a whisper and a shout.

Eliza, however, fixed him with her equally brown eyes, full of sympathy and shared heartbroken sadness. She had already lost her true love and she couldn’t stand by and let Alexander experience the same thing, no matter how unlawful the public might view it.

“I know you did and I have no doubt in my heart that you will do just that, Alex. Because you are an extraordinary man, Alexander Hamilton. But please don’t do me the discourtesy of underestimating me. You don’t have to make all the sacrifices on your own. Let me be a part of this story as well. Let me support you in this, I beg you. I can be strong enough for the both of us. And I can keep your secret.” The young woman placed now both her hands on Alexander’s cheeks, carefully wiping away each new tear drop that fell.

“You love John Laurens. You are in love with him and in my mind, there is no higher power than love next to God himself. It’s something beautiful and shouldn’t be confined by social standards. I don’t care about any of that. All I care about is you and your happiness. You love John and he makes you happy, that’s more than enough reason for me to love him as well, Alexander. You need to confess to him. You need to tell him that you love him and you have to explain every detail to him for that he can understand and see the same most honourable man in you that I can see right in front of me. You have to do it my dear friend and you have my blessing to do so.” She said silently but strongly. The sheer conviction carrying her words almost as startling as if a yell would have been.

Alexander Hamilton, for the second time in his life, was at a loss for words. He could only stare at his wife before fresh tears burst from his eyes and once more he sank against her. This time though, Eliza enveloped him in a warm embrace.

“Thank you…” was the only thing he was able to coax over his own lips before heartfelt sobs racked his body as some of the guilty weight was lifted off his shoulders.

“It’s not that easy…” he whispered finally, when the tears finally dried out. “I can’t tell him all this in a letter. For one it’s too dangerous for all of us and more importantly, he needs to hear me say it in person. And I can’t do this when I’m here, cut off from the war.”

Eliza hummed understandingly.

“I agree. But I have faith that you will get your chance soon enough, my dear.”


	5. One Shot

Another full week passed at the Hamilton household with not much change in Alexander’s routine other than the ever-growing determination to do his part even if he was confined to the side-lines. He wrote essays and open letters for the papers, giving accounts of the war in almost gruelling details, letting everyone who was able to read know what it meant to be fighting for their nation’s freedom when their Congress refused to help.

He generated a buzz among the people, got them talking about the issue and in turn giving Congress the much-needed pressure to finally do something about the cruel circumstances so many men were giving their lives in.

That soothed Alexander’s bright burning guilt some but by far not enough to feel any kind of contentment.

At the end of that week, long after nightfall, the already quiet Hamilton house got startled awake again by loud and urgent knocks.

Eliza quickly put on her night gown and rushed down the stairs, just when Alexander, with exhausted, blood-shot eyes, emerged from his study where he still had been at work.

“Stay back, Eliza.” Alexander ordered her in a silent whisper, physically stopping her from reaching for the door knob with a strong hand on her shoulder. “We don’t know who that might be, stay back.” He repeated before slowly and cautiously opening the door a crack before he pulled it open completely upon seeing a young frazzled looking messenger boy, who looked positively famished and dead-tired on his feet but wired by adrenaline at the same time.

“An urgent letter for Colonel Alexander Hamilton, sir.” He panted as if he had been running the whole way himself instead of the lean horse standing at the foot of the stairs.

“Thank you, young man.” Alexander handed him a coin in gratitude and wanted to send him on his way. Eliza stopped him, however. He hadn’t even noticed her slipping away to the kitchen until she returned with a small package in her hand.

“Take this, dear. It’s not much, but it’s something to eat. Some bread and cheese for you. And an apple for your good horse.” She said, cupping the young boy’s hollow cheek with a small, sad smile, making him blush furiously.

“T-thank you, Mrs Hamilton.” He stuttered, looking from Eliza to the package and back to Eliza again, absolutely awed. Kids like him weren’t used to be treated with such kindness.

Alexander could see the motherly instincts taking root in Eliza once again with a fond smile.

The boy left and when the door was closed, Alexander finally took a closer look at the letter, too distracted by the exchange before thanks to his exhaustion. His eyes widened in shock und his hands started shaking almost violently.

“What is it, my dear?” Eliza stepped closer, gently catching Alexander’s hands in her own to still them.

“It’s from General Washington…” Alexander whispered; his hands now stilled but his voice wavering in terror. Washington didn’t want Alexander at the front, he had made that clear by sending him home in the first place and that only left one other feasible option. Ice-cold dread settled in his stomach, keeping the instant fear and ever-present guilt company there.

It couldn’t be.

The brown-haired woman could read Alexander’s thoughts as if they were written in a book. Gently she squeezed his hands.

“Let me…” she offered, taking the letter and breaking the seal without hesitation, unfolding the letter inside before taking one of Alexander’s hands again.

>Alexander,

I’m sending you this urgent note against my better judgment but the recent developments leave me with no choice.

My boy, I’m sure by now that the blow of your dismissal has had time to soften considerably. I’m sure you finally can see my perspective, understand why I wished for your safety more than anyone else’s.

But now I regret to have to revoke this dismissal and request your immediate return to camp, reporting for duty as soon as possible.

Our French allies have finally answered Lafayette’s pleas for help. We are expecting the arrival of a French fleet shortly, along with several hundred soldiers and supplies.

There will be men waiting for you in the field, ready to follow your command.

Alexander, I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t absolutely convinced that we… *I* need you here with me. Your cool, tactical thinking and your unconventional plans will give us the advantage we so sorely need.

I’m expecting you soon.

Give my kindest regards and my deepest apology to your wife for taking you away from her again.

Safe travels, Alexander.

Sincerely,

General George Washington.<

Eliza carefully re-folded the letter before she looked up to meet Alexander’s eyes again. A soft smile played over her lips, sad and fearful at the edges.

“There is your chance, Alexander. He’s calling you back.” She murmured under her breath, grabbing for her husband’s hands once more, squeezing them gently when he wouldn’t come out of his frozen state.

It took a minute for the news to sink in but then Alexander wrapped Eliza in a tight embrace.

“He’s calling me back. I get to fight, I get to lead and…” his voice tapered off in an emotional whisper. “…I get to see John again.”

“Yes and you will do spectacularly at all those things, Alexander. I believe in you! Go, get ready. I’ll be in the kitchen to prepare some food for you as well.” She replied with pure conviction in her words and the simple understanding that Alexander wouldn’t wait until the morning to start his journey back. She might have wished for such a delay, not because she didn’t want Alexander to leave, she would never hold him back like that, but because she saw and felt the exhaustion radiating from her husband. She wisely kept her thoughts to herself however.

“Thank you!”

Alexander sprinted up the stairs, urgently ripping open closet doors and drawers, throwing his things back into the bag he had arrived with weeks before. He now was a man on a mission and he wouldn’t allow himself a moment of delay.

At the foot of the stairs Eliza stood waiting for him, a small sized bundle in her hands which he gratefully took and added to his possessions in his bag.

“That’s for you to eat, Alexander. Promise me you will do so on your journey.” She implored.

“I promise, Eliza. Whatever you want, I’ll promise you!” he emphatically stated and pulled her into a long hug once again. “Best of wives, truly. I couldn’t have found a better one! Thank you, for everything.”

Warm tears sprang to Eliza’s eyes and she tightened her grip on her husband once more.

“Be safe, Alexander. Stay alive and return to me and our son when the time is right. Go and be brilliant, free our nation and get your man.” She whispered in his ear. “I’m looking forward to actually, properly meet *your* John and the others as well.”

Alexander pulled back from the embrace, gazing into Eliza’s bright eyes with so much wonder and love, he simply couldn’t believe that he got so lucky.

“I will, my dear. Take care of yourself. I promise to write when I can.” Gently he cupped her cheeks and pressed a sweet kiss to her forehead in the way of a good-bye before he quickly turned on his heels and headed out into the night.

~*~

He retraced his way back to the edge of the city by foot where a small military outpost monitored the in and out of the city.

The mere sight of Washington’s scarlet red seal on the letter earned Alexander the respect and support of the soldiers. Immediately he was given the fastest horse in the stable for the remainder of his journey.

The young man did not exactly go easy on the strong animal, pushing it to long stretches of top speed. But the horse seemed to sense the urgency of the situation and did not slow down even when sweat was pouring down its sides. Only a short ten-minute break next to a small lake was what Alexander allowed, for the horse to gulp down enough water to recharge and for him to eat what Eliza had given him. He had given her a promise after all and he intended to keep that even if she wasn’t around to see.

He’d gone like that through the night and by the end of the journey, he had slowed down his speed considerably because the exhilaration of this summons had made way to his bone deep exhaustion again and at the end he had to really concentrate on staying on the back of the horse.

It was just before the break of dawn when he reached the outer lines of the camp. Some of the older soldiers who were up already greeted him in surprise and the younger ones who didn’t really know him stared at him in astonishment. Alexander had a feeling that his wind-swept appearance was somewhat on the wild side but he couldn’t care less.

Without stopping he made his way to the main office in the middle of the camp, dismounting the horse and entering the office without hesitation. He’d been working as Washington’s aide-de camp long enough to know that the General would already be at work, especially with such a drastic turn of events imminent.

“Your Excellency, Colonel Alexander Hamilton reporting for duty as requested!” he announced upon entering the office, standing to attention.

Not only Washington was in the room and upon hearing the unmistakable voice of his friend, Lafayette whipped his head around, his face -pulled tight in concentration before- brightened visibly.

“Alexander! Oh, thank god you’re back!” he breathed out and Alexander detected a hidden layer of relief in the Frenchman’s voice he couldn’t interpret at all.

“Hamilton, I hadn’t expected you back here until tonight to be quite honest. Welcome back.” Washington greeted him with reserve but with a soft smile on his lips nonetheless.

“Your Excellency requested my return as soon as possible.” Alexander retorted matter-of-factly to that.

“And of course you’ve understood that to mean to ride through the night like the devil and his hellhounds are on your trail…” Washington sighed. “I should have known, should have worded that better in the letter. When was the last time you slept, my boy?”

“I’m fine, sir. I do admit though, that my horse deserves all the special treatment possible in thanks.” The young man replied, not answering the question directly. Not that it had been necessary because one look in his eyes answered everything they needed to know.

“I’m sure it does. Well then, Lafayette, Hamilton, see to it that the horse gets what it needs and then get some food and rest yourselves. I expect you back here in the afternoon for further orders.” He dismissed both soldiers.

Silently they left the office and when the door closed. In a strange event of déjà-vu, Lafayette bundled Alexander in a tight hug.

“Oh Alexander, mon ami… I’m glad you’re back already, it’s John…”

And those words were enough for Alexander’s heartrate to spike significantly and to feel a stuttering flutter of panic cold in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small cliffhanger... sorry about that. ;)


	6. Forgiveness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you'll enjoy~

Alexander was running through the camp, breathless and with his chest hurting like a giant brick had crushed him. All of his previous exhaustion had been practically blown away by the new spike of adrenaline.

~*~

_“It’s John…” Lafayette had repeated himself after a moment, squeezing Alexander so tightly._

_“What! What is it, Laf? What about John? Where is he, what’s going on?” Alexander asked voice raspy from suppressed fear, pushing against Lafayette’s embrace._

_Hesitantly the Frenchman let go of his friend, looking at him with a strange emotion hiding in his eyes._

_“Alex… mon ami… it has been difficult these past few weeks and John… you know how he is. He’s not been sleeping properly or eating properly, drinking way too much and picking fights all the time.” Lafayette sighed, swallowing down his own tears at the thought of his friend’s distress._

_“He’s not been coping very well with… the situation. You leaving, of course, but I think it’s also the situation around here. Watching the younger soldiers suffer… and then the news from all over the place. Washington had once… well, not exactly threatened, but suggested if it wouldn’t be better to send John home as well if he didn’t get a grip on himself again.” He explained and Alexander just looked at him incredulously, breathing shallowly._

_“What are you trying to say, Lafayette?” the smaller man asked pleadingly._

_“Well, Hercules and I did our best to keep him on the right path, we’ve been basically forcing him to sleep and eat, keeping him away from alcohol as best as we could…” the Frenchman recounted. “Sounds familiar?”_

_And that gave Alexander an eerie idea of how bad things had gotten in a frighteningly short time because he had been there before._

_“You… that bad?” Alexander’s face screwed up in anguish because he knew without a doubt that all this had been his fault and his fault alone. John Laurens was an extraordinarily empathetic man, prone to getting lost in the pain and suffering of others but never had it been this bad and it probably would never have gotten that bad if it wasn’t for Alexander Hamilton. He had hurt John, had broken his heart over and over again without a proper explanation._

_Lafayette gently grabbed Alexander’s shoulder, squeezed it as he nodded._

_“I’d rather tell you differently but yes, it was that bad… the thing is though, about a week ago he became more determined again, more active… Apparently he decided one night that you wouldn’t come back after all and that he couldn’t do anything about the situation here at the camp but he could be somewhere else, doing good work and more importantly, actively working on achieving his dream of leading the first black battalion, of ending slavery…” he paused, wondering if he should share his suspicion with his friend._

_Lafayette didn’t have any proof for it but he suspected that John had finally heard about Eliza’s pregnancy when this shift in behaviour had happened. He decided against sharing the thought, didn’t want to put even more guilt on Alexander’s shoulders._

_Alexander picked up on that pause, puzzling over what it could mean._

_“That’s… good. I mean if someone can do it, it’s John, right?” he questioned in a small voice._

_“Oh mon ami… at any other point in time I would agree but right now I’m more afraid that John’s determination is coming from a place of ‘free the slaves or die trying’. He’s become reckless.” The Frenchman bit his lip, betraying how stressful the situation was for him as well, how worried he was for his friend._

_Big, brown eyes widened even more in shock, a breathless gasp on his lips._

_“He’s trying to get himself killed…” he whispered. “Where is he?”_

_Lafayette regarded his friend, nodded ever so slightly, confirming Alexander’s conclusion wordlessly._

_“Packing, I suspect… he planned to ride out to South Carolina this morning…”_

_The taller man just shook his head with worry as he watched Alexander disappear out the door._

_“Good luck, mon ami… it’s in your hands now.”_

~*~

“John!” Alexander yelled when he burst through the opening flap of the tent, their tent, startling the other man so much that he let fall down the shirt he was about to pack in his bag.

John whirled around, staring at Alexander with wide, disbelieving eyes.

“Alexander!”

The smaller man didn’t stop there however, he barrelled on, colliding with John almost painfully as he clung to him desperately.

“John, you’re still here, thank god, I’m not too late!” Alexander gasped, shaking heavily.

The freckled man stood motionless, not returning the hug because he was still too shocked by the sudden appearance.

“Alex… what… why are you here? How?” he asked in confusion.

“Washington sent for me last night, the French are coming as you surely know and he wants me to lead… left as soon as I got the message, rode straight here through the night…” Alexander explained in short bursts while deeply inhaling John’s scent, letting it soothe an ache inside his heart he hadn’t understood before.

John’s thoughts whirled in his head like a hurricane, desperately trying to understand what Alexander was telling him. Slowly, tentatively he closed his arms around the smaller man’s back, hugging him back, letting his presence alone in turn heal the bleeding wound in his heart.

They stood like that for a few minutes, silently holding each other.

After a little while, Alexander eased his grip on John, leaned back to be able to look him in the eyes, weakly punching John’s shoulder, more for effect than to actually hurt the man he loved.

“What is this I hear about you leaving for South Carolina to single-handedly end slavery and getting yourself killed in the process?” he accused softly but the choked quality of his voice made it sound more like a whimper.

That apparently reminded John of what he was supposed to do and let also go of Alexander.

“Someone has to do it. We talked about this but there won’t be any change if there’s no one willing to actually fight for it. I am, Alex. And… I didn’t think I’d see you again so I decided to do something productive with the time I have left on this earth.” He explained.

“So you aren’t even denying that you didn’t plan on returning alive…” it could have been a question but the way Alexander said it, it was just as much a painful statement.

“I won’t deny that the thought had crossed my mind. What do you expect me to do, Alex? You left to be with your *wife*, you have a kid on the way… where do I fit into this? I had to get out, had to focus my energy on something good to be able to ignore the emotional pain you put me through. I never really know where I stand with you, Alexander…” John explained, tears of frustration and hurt welling up in his eyes. “I had to let you go…”

Alexander just stood there, hands shaking violently, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry, John. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I’ve put you through this. I know I have no right to ask you to forgive me, not even to believe me when I say that I’m sorry and there is a good reason for this whole thing.” The smaller man swallowed with extreme effort, cautiously raising his hands to grab John’s, slowly to give the other the chance to pull away if he wanted. To Alexander’s immense relief John let him for now.

“John, I can explain everything, from the very beginning. It’s no excuse for what I put you through but it will make so much more sense. If only you can find it in you to give me the chance to explain. Don’t… don’t go, please. Stay with me, stay by my side and help me lead our country to freedom and then I will follow you wherever you need to go and we will fight slavery. Together. But don’t leave now, don’t go where I can’t follow.” Alexander pleaded, squeezing John’s hands tightly.

The tears that were streaming down John’s face at Alexander’s heartfelt words made the freckles stand out even more and the smaller man couldn’t help but to find them breathtakingly beautiful.

“Alex…” John choked out before he broke down in deep sobs, throwing his arms around the other, hiding his face in Alexander’s shoulder.

Carefully he led the two of them to sit on the edge of John’s bed, holding the slim man tightly, rubbing soft circles on his neck.

“Don’t leave, John… please don’t leave me now…” he whispered over and over again.

~*~

They sat like that for quite some time, both men crying hard as their exhaustion and the emotional strain finally took their toll.

Someone cleared their throat softly right outside the tent, and that made the two men finally look up as the flap got pushed aside.

“Everything alright in here?” the usually loud and boisterous voice of Hercules Mulligan asked uncharacteristically soft.

Alexander and John looked at each other and then to Hercules, quickly wiping away the still wet traces of their tears.

Alexander found his voice first, even if it was rough and broken from crying so hard.

“Not yet but we’ll get there…” he said, looking right at John’s bright eyes to see if they were on the same page with that sentence.

Hercules observed the exchange carefully, instinctively waiting for John’s nod in agreement. A smile spread over his face that was almost blinding.

“In that case, welcome back, Hammy!” he grinned and pulled both smaller men unceremoniously on their feet and into a tight hug.

“It’s good to be back, Herc…” Alexander replied, returning the hug with one arm while he linked the other hand with John’s, who did the same thing.

“You staying?” the taller directed the question to John, nervous anticipation of the answer flickering in his dark eyes.

“For now, yes…” John admitted, relieving both other men of their fear.

“Good, in that case, Lafayette told me to get both your skinny asses out to get some food and then make sure you get some rest. And don’t think I won’t consider tying you to the bed to make you stay there. Your choice.” He grinned, good-naturedly.

John and Alexander both looked surprised and incredulously at the taller men but wisely chose not to disagree with him.

An hour later when Lafayette returned to their tent, he was greeted by the sight of Alex and John curled tightly around each other, napping peacefully and Hercules on the next bed over, quietly reading. The Frenchman smiled brightly.

“The family finally is whole again…” he murmured and Hercules hummed in agreement.


	7. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much fluff ahead, please enjoy~

A whole day passed before Alexander and John finally managed to sneak away with enough time to sort out their issues. John had tried to initiate the talk before but Alexander had stalled him, not because he didn’t want to talk, quite the opposite, but because he sensed that they had a definitive time restriction and he wanted to have all the time he needed to explain to John what really was going on.

Between Washington leading a complete battle strategy meeting with French allies at its centre, who hadn’t even arrived yet and Alexander’s other friends and acquaintances who wanted to talk to him after his return, it took them a day.

But with Lafayette and Hercules’ help, they left the camp undetected and made their way to a nearby field just in the beginning of the afternoon.

They settled in the shade of a single weeping willow tree, conscious that they would be completely in the open but at the same time nobody could sneak up on them and overhear something they weren’t supposed to. The two soldiers just hoped that they were still close enough to the camp to not attract the enemy.

Silence fell over them as Alexander proceeded to rip out blades of grass one by one, deep in thought. John just waited patiently. He wanted and needed to hear what Alexander had to tell him to be able to forgive him completely but he knew that his friend sometimes needed a moment to sort his thoughts so he didn’t push.

“Alright… I guess it’s up to me now, right? Explanation time.” The Caribbean sighed after a moment.

“That would be preferably how this is going to go, yes…” John quipped, with just enough steel edged in his voice to remind Alexander that this conversation could go two ways if he didn’t do a good enough job at explaining.

He swallowed tightly.

“Okay, John… you know me well, better than anyone in some aspects…” Alex began, wincing only slightly at the dry snort coming from the other man. “It’s true, though. And because of that you know that I’m having a hard time opening up like this, but with what happened… with everything I put you through, you deserve to have the whole story.”

He nervously licked his lips.

“For all of this to make any sense I have to start at the very beginning. Long before I met you, on a tiny hell-hole of an island. I never really talked about this before. You all know I’m an orphan… but that wasn’t the case until I was twelve.”

Alexander pause at the soft gasp from John. He let his eyes flicker up for a split second, just enough to see the surprise and sorrow in John’s bright eyes and the attention he was listening with.

“The thing is, my parents… they weren’t properly married. I never got the full story but apparently my mother had been married long before I came along but left that man at some point because he was an abusive bastard. Without a proper divorce however. By the time she met my father, James Hamilton, this other guy apparently refused to divorce her and so they couldn’t legally get married. They lived like they were but that didn’t mean jack-shit to the law. The fact that my mother still was legally married to another man than the one who she had children with gave her the status of a frivolous woman and subsequently branded me and my brother bastard children. And that’s pretty much all anyone ever cared about. It didn’t matter that I was whip-smart and hard-working. I always had to fight for everything and was dependent on whatever help I got. It had been a miserable childhood.”

Alexander took a deep, shuddering breath, fell silent for a moment to get a grip on the whirling emotions the story dredged up inside him.

John in turn didn’t want to interrupt the other man, afraid that an interruption would make him close off again. He still had not really any idea how any of that related to what had been happening between them but he couldn’t help the deep pang of sympathy in his heart for that poor child-Alexander.

“As you know, despite of various tragedies, I managed to find my way out of this place and into a definitely better life here. For the first time in my life I had friends and something close to a family even. And you… that was an even bigger miracle…” Another pause, accompanied by a small smile as Alexander remembered the first time he laid eyes on John, remembered the feeling of being struck by a lightning bolt.

“Everything was good. And then… the Winter’s Ball happened…” the shorter man swallowed once more, his insides in knots because he could see on John’s face how the mere mention of the Ball caused him pain because he didn’t know, couldn’t understand really. For all John knew, Alexander fell head over heels for a woman that night and promptly proceeded to marry her.

“And this is the difficult part, John. The part where my past and our present collided and I became part of a story that wasn’t mine to tell. Or so I thought until recently.”

Alexander took another break to calm himself down enough to be able to say what he needed to say.

“That night, I met Eliza and…”

“… and you both fell helplessly in love, I know the story, I was there, Alex!” John couldn’t stop himself from interjecting, the hurt and heartbreak getting the better of him as he recalled that night.

“That’s… the official story, yes. The truth is vastly different however. And John, my dear friend, I implore you… no matter if you find it in yourself to forgive me after you know the whole truth, please keep what I’m telling you now to yourself because it very well might have the power to destroy the lives of a whole family.” Alexander pleadingly grabbed the other man’s hand, looking searchingly in his eyes. He waited until John nodded ever so slightly.

“Thank you. The true story of that night is that the moment I looked into Eliza’s eyes, I saw something there that I’ve only seen once before, in the eyes of my own mother. There was so much sorrow, loss and pain in her eyes and I knew I had to find a way to help this young woman. We talked and I’m not entirely sure what I told her for her to decide that she could trust me with her socially shameful secret but she did.

Only few days before the Ball, you see, Eliza fell deeply in love with a young soldier on leave. She was on her own and everything apparently was so quick that she never got around to introducing him to her family, nobody knew about him or what had taken place the night before his return to the war.”

Alexander was interrupted by a shocked gasp next to him, John’s eyes widened slightly as the picture slowly fell into place in his head. But he wouldn’t leave it to chance that John understood, he needed to make sure he got all the details he needed to actually believe him.

“Only a week later, days before the Ball, a friend of this soldier, who Eliza had met as well, wrote to her and had to inform her that the man she loved had been killed in battle before he had been able to fulfil his promise to marry her. And that’s what I recognised in Eliza’s eyes that night, that loss and pain but also the heart-breaking certainty that she had not only ruined her own life through her love-fuelled actions but that of her sisters as well. And I couldn’t let that happen. I’ve seen first-hand what happened to a woman in her position and worse, I lived the life of the child that might or might not have been a possibility at that point.”

“And that’s why you married her, to cover up her story, make sure that she could live a normal life.” John whispered, grappling with understanding everything he just heard. “Alex, the child…”

“Isn’t mine, John. Not by blood at any rate. But nothing will stop me from loving this kid as if it’s my own. He will never experience the pain of an absent father like I did if I can help it. But, my dearest friend, that’s not entirely all.” Alexander confessed and John looked up in even deeper confusion.

“What more could there possibly be?” he asked.

“Eliza…” Alexander said simply. “She… when I first proposed the idea of marriage to help her, she flat out refused. She knew her own situation was hopeless but she wouldn’t allow me to sacrifice my life for hers. She had been adamant that as honourable as my intentions were, she couldn’t stand in the way of me finding my true love. I admit I ignored that statement, instead I started to tell her more about you and Laf and Hercules, about my best friends. She didn’t tell me but I guess something in the way I talked about you and with you when we were together let her understand that she wouldn’t stand in my way because what my heart desired was even more complicated than her own situation. And then she finally agreed to marry me. Or… at least I think that’s about what happened.” Alex smiled pensively.

Silence fell between the two men for a long while until the Caribbean found the strength to continue, significantly more choked up now as he neared the ending of his explanation and with that the freshest wounds in both their hearts.

“It wasn’t until I was back home that Eliza actually let me know what she knew all along. This whole thing with Washington sending me home… she wanted to let me know about her pregnancy, wrote to him to be on the safe side and Washington, instead of telling me like he was asked to, just waited for an opportunity to send me back. After the way things between us went that morning, I was miserable. I had convinced myself that you’d hate me and deservedly so after everything and it was Eliza who talked sense back into my head. She all but called me an idiot for not telling you the truth already. And she practically told me to do whatever necessary to clear things up, to fight for your forgiveness and love. Because that’s what all this boils down to, really… that I love you, John Laurens. I love you so desperately with all my heart.”

Alexander’s voice broke off with the last words, eyes brimming with tears as he looked at the other man.

“And again… I know that I have no right to ask for your forgiveness but maybe…”

“Stop it, Alexander!” John interrupted his friend sharply. The smaller one flinched at the tone, face screwed up in confusion and John just shook his head lightly, silent tears streaming down his cheeks and a soft smile on his lips.

“Stop it.” He repeated. “Of course I forgive you. I just wish I would have known all this sooner but I do understand why you couldn’t easily talk about it. I forgive you, Alexander but it will take some time to heal the wounds this secrecy inflicted. But I love you too. It’s crazy, it’s illegal and downright dangerous but I do, I love you as well!”

The confession was a teary whisper but Alexander didn’t care, it was the best thing he had ever heard and his heart started fluttering madly in his chest and his eyes, his whole face brightened that it almost glowed in the sun.

Cautiously John grabbed Alexander’s hand that was lying between them on the grass, tenderly interlacing their fingers.

The smaller one squeezed back, beaming at his friend before he surreptitiously looked around, carefully scanning their surroundings for potential witnesses. When he couldn’t see anyone, he looked back at John.

“May I… kiss you?” he asked shyly and so very uncharacteristically for Alexander Hamilton.

John blushed beautifully but nodded not any less shy.

Slowly Alexander inched closer until he was able to press his lips sweetly on John’s. It wasn’t much more than a short, warm touch but it was perfect for the two men. The perfect first kiss to be remembered and cherished forever.

~*~

The two men stayed in that field for a little while longer. Talking a bit more but mostly just enjoying the presence of each other, sharing gentle smiles that were finally free of secrets.

By the time they walked back towards the camp, Alexander grinned up at his lover.

“When all this is done, you have to come back home with me. Eliza said she’s looking forward to properly meet *my* John before I left. And…” he stopped abruptly, blinking as another thought came into his head with blinding clarity.

“That’s nice, I suppose I can do that…” John answered a little awkwardly because he still wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that. Then he stopped as well, two steps ahead of Alexander. “And?”

Once more Alexander licked his lips nervously as he regarded John.

“Would you consider… I mean after all this… and of course, I know it’s probably a little strange but…” he stuttered and John couldn’t help but be amazed by the rare adorableness that was a stuttering Alex.

“What are you trying to say?” he interrupted, giving Alexander the short break he needed to gather his words properly.

“John Laurens, would you do me the immense honour of becoming my son’s godfather even if…” -he’s not mine by blood, Alexander meant to add but didn’t need to finish as John’s eyes first grew impossibly wide and he then proceeded to hug Alexander tightly.

“Yes, yes of course, you big, adorable idiot!” he laughed from happiness as much as the absurdity of the whole situation.

“Thank you!” Alex beamed again, returning the tight hug just as much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact that happened in my head but hasn't made it into the story. Alexander didn't immediately trust the story of Eliza's lover being killed in battle. He'd been around asshole soldiers long enough to know better. So he actually went and checked the reports and registers of that specific incident to verify the death of the man. Otherwise he would have gone and confronted the guy to better return quickly and make good on his promise or else.


	8. The Battle of Yorktown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This certainly had been one of the more difficult chapters I've written...  
> I do hope you enjoy~

Lafayette had taken care of a couple of his younger soldiers but always had a close eye on the entrance to their camp, noting who went out and who came in.

When he saw Alexander and John return that afternoon, he stood up, observing for just a moment before breaking into a wide, fond smile. It wouldn’t be too obvious for anyone but their close friends but Lafayette immediately picked up on the soft glow between the two men.

“Finally…” he murmured to himself, getting confused looks from the soldiers around but neither dared to asked, quickly returning to their tasks.

~*~

>My dear Eliza,

I have hardly the time to write to you in a proper fashion but as today might just have been the best day of my life so far, I couldn’t help but wanting to share it with you. You know your husband and will understand without me saying anything more.

My dear, I will never be able to thank you enough for the great gift you’ve given me. Thank you, my love. Take care, I will meet you again on the other side of this war!

Forever in your debt,

Your Alexander.<

~*~

Three days passed in a flurry of activity. A small regiment of French soldiers arrived at their camp under the cover of night and they brought with them some much needed provisions and munition.

The fearless foursome, as some of the older soldiers had aptly named the group of Alexander, John, Lafayette and Hercules, became almost permanent fixtures in Washington’s office with the commander of the French regiment, planning and discussing their options.

Building a battle strategy turned out easier than expected thanks to a whole lot of information Hercules brought to the table thanks to his many contacts in the tailor’s guild, who were the perfect instrument to gather information from the British.

“Alright, Alexander, you and John lead the first line of attack, go in by nightfall and hopefully strike them silently and hard. They won’t know what hit them and before they can get their bearings back, I’ll lead my men in a second line of attack, forcing them to retreat back to the harbour. And there Lafayette and Mulligan will await them with their men along with our French allies. They’ll be surrounded in no time.”

Washington summarized their plan one last time, meeting the eyes of all his young men. They had all agreed to this being the best plan of action even though it had a rather risky margin for error.

“Yes, your Excellency! And then, they will have no other option than to surrender!” the French commander nodded with a lilting accent to his words.

“That’s the preferable outcome, yes. Boys…” the strict voice of the General softened considerably, looking especially at the four under his direct supervision, who had become like sons to him in no time at all. “…this battle might be the making or breaking of our country. Whatever the outcome, never doubt yourselves. All of you have their hearts at the right place and no matter was happens, you all will go places. Now, all of you, get some rest, we all will need it for this to succeed.”

The four young men shared a quick glance at the rather sentimental speech of their General and then stood up tall and saluted the man in perfect synchronisation before they left for their tent.

~*~

Lafayette, Hercules and their men had left in the morning of the following day to take up their positions for what was to happen that night.

Alexander and John, however, stayed back at the camp, helping the remaining soldiers to efficiently gather up everything they would need for the attack and to round up anything they would need to protect while most of them were gone.

Shortly before Alex would gather his troops, he met up with John in their tent to prepare themselves.

“I really hope this plan works…” John mumbled as he fastened the buttons on his uniform.

“The plan itself should be fool-proof… the main question will be if our information is right and, sadly, we will only know that for sure when we *don’t* walk into a trap tonight…” the shorter man sighed, slowly coming back up from tying his boots once again. “John…” he added, licking his lips nervously.

John instantly picked up on the unsure undercurrent of Alex’ voice.

“What is it, love?” he asked softly, stepping closer to grab Alexander’s hands.

“If I don’t- please just let me get this out…” he pleaded when John opened his mouth to interrupt him, already knowing where the thoughts of his lover went. “If I don’t come back alive tonight, will you promise me something? Actually… will you promise me three things?” big brown eyes met the bright blue ones of the taller man.

“Anything…” John whispered hoarsely, already fighting tears even though nothing had happened yet. The mere thought of losing Alexander now, after everything, made him shiver.

“Will you take care of Eliza and the baby for me? You are now the only other person who knows the whole story… they will need you, especially the kid…” Alexander began silently.

“Oh Alex… I hate to think of anyone but you taking care of them but should the unspeakable happen, I will… I promise. No harm will come to either of them on my watch.” John promised.

The Caribbean smiled sadly.

“Thank you. Also… and this might be the more difficult thing…” Alex swallowed thickly. “Promise me not to do anything reckless, find someone new to love and more importantly who will love you. I can’t bear the thought of you alone.”

“Alex…” a soft gasp came out of John’s mouth and he lost the battle with his tears.

“And lastly… don’t forget me?” With these last words, Alexander’s voice broke but he kept his own tears at bay.

John had no words, he hugged Alexander tightly, burrowed his face in the other man’s neck, sobbing softly.

After about a minute, John sniffed deeply, slowly getting his grip on himself back.

“I promise if you promise me the same, my love.”

Alexander doubted that he would be able to survive the attack that night if John didn’t but he kept these thoughts to himself, just squeezed his lover a little tighter.

“I promise. I love you!” he whispered, pressing his lips first against John’s forehead and then his lips when he lifted his head.

“I love you too!”

And with that they separated again to take a last stand for America’s freedom.

~*~

The battleground descended into pure chaos quite quickly.

Alexander had led his men close to the British camp and had ordered them to stealthily enter and take out as many enemies as possible, fight them with strategy and not to let stray fire give away their position.

All in all, John would later think, had Alexander’s plan worked amazingly well but that did not make up for how many of his young soldiers Alex lost in the fight anyway and that took quite a toll on him.

They managed to decimate the enemy considerably however and Washington’s second line of attack led to exactly what they had hoped it would. The British retreated and walked right into the arms of Lafayette and the French fleet.

The fighting went on for days, it was gruesome. John had quickly exchanged his gun for field med supplies, pulling the wounded out of the line of fire, patching them up to the best of his abilities. He feared that even with his care only a small portion of the soldiers would make it but he tried his best anyway.

That unfortunately meant that he soon had lost contact to his lover who had joined Washington and Lafayette right at the front of the fight. However, John couldn’t acknowledge how terrified he was for his lover and his friends, he had to concentrate on his own work.

All that came to a head, days later, when a loud, ear-shattering bang sounded over the bay, immediately followed by an eerie silence. The heart of the freckled man was pounding uncomfortably in his chest. Something had happened, something critical.

Moments later Lafayette of all people crashed through the door of their make-shift hide out.

Their eyes met and just for one second, time stood still for John, it felt like his heart had stopped as well.

“Alex?” he gasped, because in that moment, the thought that something had happened to Alexander was the only possible explanation why Lafayette would be there instead of the Caribbean himself.

“They surrendered!” was the Frenchman’s call almost at the same time, a huge smile stretching his lips.

It took several heartbeats for both men to register the words of the other.

“They surrendered? Are you serious? It’s finally over and we’re… well mostly, free?” John found his voice again first.

“They did, mon ami. Hercules and some of the unharmed soldiers will bring the wounded to you shortly.” Lafayette explained quickly what was going on until he noticed the look of sheer pain and fear in John’s eyes. “Mon dieu, John, I’m sorry. Alexander is fine, a little scratched up but nothing more, he’s joining General Washington and Marshal Rochambeau to assist in the negotiation of the terms of surrender.”

It took Lafayette’s lightning reflexes to catch John in a warm embrace when the relief shattered the shorter man right in front of his eyes and made his legs buckle under him. They gripped each other’s uniforms almost desperately as the tension of battle slowly left them and made way for the bone deep exhaustion.


	9. Departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the edited tags say, there are discussions about slavery in this chapter and mentions of torture in that context. I don't think it's that bad or graphic but the topic still is horrific (honestly, my stomach turned at the descriptions in the Chernow book).   
> So yeah, just a heads up what to expect.  
> I hope you'll enjoy the chapter anyway.

The celebration of their win for freedom and independence went on for days. Or at least that’s how it felt for Alexander. The mood was light and happy, nobody was really thinking about what would come next and the beer and wine flowed freely for the brave soldiers everywhere.

At first, he and his three companions had celebrated with everyone else but after a day or two, Alexander became restless. He wasn’t used to idly sitting back and waiting. He knew that they needed to get the political direction up and running as soon as possible as to not make their hard-earned freedom open for another attack. But he also yearned for some alone time with John.

They hadn’t been alone once since Alex had returned from the negotiations and he could see that John needed some reassurance, it was the scared glimmer in his eyes that tipped him off but also the way that John had pounced on him the moment he had stepped into the field hospital to check him personally for injuries.

And with all of that, there still was the certain knowledge that they had only won half the battle yet. As John very rightly stated, they would only acquire true freedom if they established a society where there were no slaves and black and white people had the same rights.

On the fourth day after the surrender, Alexander slipped out of bed at the break of dawn to pack up his bag. John woke up a little later due to the fact that cold air suddenly hit his side that had previously been warmed by the Caribbean.

“What… are you doing?” John asked in confusion, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the last remnants of sleep.

“Packing…” Alexander whispered, not wanting to wake up Lafayette or Hercules.

“And why are you packing? Did something happen to Eliza?” the freckled man looked anxiously at Alexander. “The baby…”

“Is fine, John. Eliza is doing great as far as I know. No…” Alexander licked his lips nervously and finally abandoned his bag to go and crouch in front of John, to look him in his blue eyes. “Do you remember what I promised you when I came back?”

John frowned, confused again.

“I asked you to stay by my side until we managed to free our country of the British. And you did. But in turn I promised you to follow wherever you want to go to start the fight against slavery. I’m getting restless, John. We are celebrating but there are so many out there who still live under oppression, who have literally nothing gained from the war we just won. I want to be ready when you are, to go out there and change that as well. That’s why I’m packing.”

John was stunned speechless. With everything that had happened, he hadn’t thought about Alex’ promise.

“My god… you’re serious? I thought you would want to go home, look after Eliza…” he murmured.

“I suppose that’s probably what everyone expects me to do but I promised you and I’m good for my word, John. I want to do this for you and with you. I’m honest with you, now that we managed to win this war, I’m not entirely sure how to go about this but we’ll figure it out when the time comes.” Unadulterated honesty shone in Alexander’s brown eyes as he grabbed John’s hands in his. “Together we’ll find a way!”

“Alex…” John breathed softly.

“If you two think that we’re letting you go on your own to have all the fun, then you’re sorely mistaken, mes amis!” a slightly sleepy sounding voice startled both of the smaller men from behind them, made them look around to see Lafayette watching them with a raised eyebrow. On the next bed over Hercules was leaning up on his elbows, watching them with an unimpressed look on his face.

“Yeah, what he said.” He just added.

“Guys, that’s… you don’t have to…” John struggled to form a proper sentence, overwhelmed first by Alexander and then again by his other two best friends.

“Stuff it, Laurens. We all know what you’ve been wanting to do all this while. I mean, I agree with Alex, now that the argument of setting the slaves free in exchange for their enlistment in the Army is off the table, we have to find another sensible plan but whatever that may be, we’re with you.” Herc said.

“But what about France, Laf? Didn’t you want to go and help free your people as well? And Herc, your apprenticeship…” Alexander blinked in surprise.

“My people, I fear, have yet to reach the proper level of determination to follow our revolution, not much that I can do until then. I’d rather help with something significant in the meantime.” Lafayette explained, sitting up and stretching lazily. Now that the immediate fight was over, they all -but Laf especially- had relaxed from their constant tension.

“And my apprenticeship will still be there when I get back. With everything that happened, it’s still a while until business can get back on track, until then I think they’re happier with me out here than puttering around the shop.” Hercules offered, gathering his stuff quickly enough.

“Wow, you guys… I don’t know what to say…” John honestly was at a loss for words.

“Tell us when we leave, that’s all we really need.” Alexander replied gently after sharing a quick glance with the other two. “Anything else goes without saying. Your mission is our mission.”

~*~

>My dear Eliza,

The war is won for now but there still is so much to be done before I can return to your side. I’m truly sorry about that but I made a promise and I intend to keep it.

John, Lafayette, Hercules and I will begin our journey to South Carolina shortly. We don’t know exactly where we’ll end up but I will keep you informed as soon as I know. Until then, I hope you’re doing well and our son is growing nicely. If there should be any complications at all, please do not hesitate to contact General Washington, he will find a way to inform me about it. Take care of yourself, my love, as I promise you to do the same.

I’m with you in my thoughts,

Your Alexander.<

~*~

“Boys, are you absolutely sure about this?”

The four young soldiers stood side by side in George Washington’s office after informing him about their departure.

“With all due respect, sir, it has to be done. How can we claim to have fought for and are building a free country if the South is still actively profiting from slavery? How does this make us any better from the British?” John said, looking straight ahead, not daring to meet Washington’s eyes.

“Son, I…” Washington pinched the bridge of his nose thoughtfully as he struggled to find the right words. “… admire your determination and I agree with your cause to some degree. I implore you, however, be careful in your conduct. This war was won by paying a high prize already, at this stage we can’t afford to put a wedge between the North and the South, that will lead to more bloodshed and another war. I just want you to think about this. Don’t act hastily.”

Washington licked his lips, looking at every single one of his young soldiers.

“Alexander, you are a man of many words and a vast political understanding, think about this, I’m sure if there is another way, a better way, you will find it. This issue surely can be resolved without splitting our young nation in two.”

Silence fell over the office.

“Thank you for your praise, your Excellency and I will think about this. But until then… where John goes, I go and we’ll take whatever measures necessary. We won’t do so lightly, though. You have my word.” Alexander replied at last.

“If that would be all, we’d like to take our leave now, sir, the journey will be a long one.”

Washington sighed deeply, knowing full well that there was nothing he could say to change these young men’s minds.

“Of course. Take whatever supplies you need and have a save journey. It’s been an honour to fight alongside such respectable young men. Good luck!” Washington saluted them, to which the four of them reacted in the same manner before taking their leave.

~*~

The preparations for their journey to South Carolina were finished quickly and quietly. Most of it, they had prepared already before informing their General about their plans and the farewells with the other soldiers had been short and to the point as well.

The four of them rode in silence for quite a while, each lost in their own thoughts as they made their way through the war-torn city and the land surrounding it.

“Mes amis…” Lafayette finally broke the silence hesitantly which set his friends on edge immediately.

“What is it, Laf?” Alexander asked when the Frenchman didn’t continue to speak.

“It’s… you know, I’ll fight right by your side without question or hesitation but it’s… I’ve been thinking about what the General said. I agree that the slaves deserve the same rights as any one of us but is this truly the right way?” Lafayette looked at his friends in question.

Hercules cleared his throat softly.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about the same thing. Washington did have a point. I’m with you all the way on this, I wouldn’t be here if I felt differently but I can’t help but worry about the method. As I said this morning if we could have instated a rule for the slaves to earn their freedom if they chose to support our cause, things might be a lot easier. Now… are we really thinking this through?” he mused silently.

At the tentative challenge of his cause by his friends, John couldn’t help but feel anger rising in his chest until the knuckles of his hands turned white around the reins.

“Are you guys serious? If you’re doubting what we set out to do why did you come with us in the first place?” he snapped in a cold voice.

“John…” Alexander said softly, leaning carefully over to gently place his hand over one of John’s to calm his anger.

He hadn’t said anything about the matter yet but he couldn’t help but see where his friends were coming from. They did set out on this mission rather quickly without thinking about the fact that the situation had significantly changed now that the war was already won. And that might have been partly his fault for hastening their departure.

“No…” John breathed softly, a hurt look in his eyes. “Alex, not you too.”

Alex quickly squeezed John’s hand.

“Certainly not, I stand by what I said this morning. I do think however, that they are right to ask. I grew up around slaves my whole life, I’ve seen things done to them when I was a child, I pray to god you will never know.” He says emphatically. “We set out to end slavery but we need to think about a way that won’t put them at risk. I suppose that’s what Washington was trying to remind us of with his speech.”

John wrinkled his nose in anger and confusion, eyes skipping between Lafayette, Hercules and back to Alexander.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that we have to be smart about this. You know I’d be the first to go in and forcefully free every single slave even if I’d die doing so, even if there’s only four of us, which likely is about a third of what any plantation has for people keeping the slaves in line but John, you know what happens when a slave breaks free from his owner, runs away without permission but doesn’t get away fast enough…” Alex coaxed softly, leading John to realise what had been on his mind since they had left Washington’s office.

“It’s a death sentence…” the freckled man replied silently.

“Exactly and not only that, it’s so much worse than just a death sentence, the owners have the right to publicly torture them until they die in worse pain than sheep getting mauled by wolves. We might manage to free them, but we can’t possibly make sure to keep them all save as well…” the Caribbean looked at John, trying to estimate his reaction.

Lafayette and Hercules watched the conversation in nervous anticipation, this could turn into a huge blow out if John felt like they were turning against him now after all. But they also knew if he was to see reason, then it would be Alexander to help him get there. So they stayed quiet.

“So you’re saying we *shouldn’t* free them at all? Leave them to their life in oppression?” John asked, thoughts whirling in his head, his wish to give freedom to everyone warring with the truth of Alex’ observation in his mind.

“I’m saying we need to consider that leaving it be until we have a plan, maybe even a law to help our cause, might be the more merciful action. They will live in oppression, in more than unfair conditions but they have a roof over their heads, mostly regular food and they’ll be alive instead of facing the worst death if this goes wrong.” Alexander said, bringing his argument to a point. “That way they might live to see the day that they’ll be free without the consequences.”

John stared ahead on the dirt road but not really seeing anything, too deep in thought about what should have been painfully obvious really but what he hadn’t been able to see because of his wish to be the one who ends that nightmare… who ends a family legacy he never wanted to inherit.

Silent tears welled up in his eyes, as he had to admit to himself that his friends’ concerns were more reasonable than he wanted to believe.

“Why are we even going there then?” he finally asked, mostly directed at himself.

“Because whatever you decide on, we will support you despite our concerns, mon ami.” Lafayette finally opened his mouth again after starting the whole argument. He placed one hand on John’s back. “I just wanted to make sure that we’re all on the same page.”

“Also, it will be good to see first-hand how the conditions are. I’ve only experienced all this back on the island. It might be good to know what the reality here looks like to be able to write a proper and air-tight argument against slavery.” Alexander added, squeezing John’s hand again.

“Yeah, what they said… plus, I’d like to see where you’re from, Laurens.” Hercules shared his own reasons with a cheeky grin, bringing out various degrees of smiles and laughter out of his friends.

“Alright… I don’t like this in the least but you convinced me for now…” John smiled slightly, even if it had a pained edge to it.


	10. Gunshots at dusk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As mentioned in the tags, there are mentions of blood in this chapter, injuries and illness, I don't think it's that bad but better safe than sorry. If the chapter contains anything problematic I should mention in the tags as well, let me know and I'll add it.  
> Other than that, please enjoy.

The four men continued their journey to South Carolina at a leisurely but steady pace.

At night they made their camp in mostly secluded spots, equipped with two small tents to keep bad weather away and a roaring fire to keep them warm.

On their way they shared stories of their past (well, John, Lafayette and Hercules shared, Alexander remained stubbornly tight-lipped about most of his childhood) or they talked about what they wished their country to be like in the future, now that they were free and independent to grow on their own.

The closer to South Carolina they came, the quieter John became which was explained quickly by the not so nice experiences he lived through with his father. Alexander, who still slept only the bare minimum of hours to stay functional, had to calm John down from many a nightmare the closer to his home they came. It was exhausting for all of them.

It was the evening of day four of their journey, close to the border into the state when it happened. They had just passed a smaller city where they stocked up on essentials but elected to build camp further outside as to not attract too much attention. Little did they know that it was already too late for that.

Lafayette and Hercules left camp to gather fire wood while John and Alexander would set up the tents and take care of the horses. Both men were tired and probably not as alert as they used to be when they still were actively fighting a war. Because of that they were completely blindsided when several shots were fired at them, only barely missing them and completely spooking the horses who were pulling hard at the poles they were tied to.

When asked later, Alexander couldn’t explain how he’d known, it might have been sheer dumb luck, intuition or a faint reflection of metal in the quickly waning evening light that he had noticed in the corner of his eye that spurred him on to jump at John the moment he did.

Another shot rang through the night, quickly followed by twin groans as Alex and John both crashed heavily in the dirt.

Two more shots were fired in quick succession but from the opposite direction and only moments later, Lafayette and Hercules came running to their campsite both with their rifles still in hand which they had taken in case they came across some wildlife.

Despite the agonising need to check on their friends, both men ran past them to check where the initial gun fire had come from. It wouldn’t help anyone if they got shot as well. Just on the top of a small hillside they found what they were looking for, one dead man, a British soldier by the looks of it, left behind when others quickly scrambled away the moment the fire was returned. Or at least that’s what the tracks in the dirt suggested.

Quickly they checked if the other man indeed was dead before they both ran back to their friends.

“Alex! John!” Lafayette called, coming to a sliding stop next to the other men who hadn’t moved all that much in the past few moments. “Oh no, no no no…” he whispered as he noticed blood spreading quickly at the back of Alexander’s jacket.

“Hey, breathe, Laf…” Hercules cautioned, noticing the distress of his friend, helping him to roll Alex off their other friend.

A pained whine escaped the young Caribbean, as his eyes fluttered open but remained unfocused.

“Mon dieu, mon ami… what did you do…” Laf mumbled, pulling away the ripped cloth of Alex’s jacket to apply pressure on the profusely bleeding wound while Hercules frantically checked over John, who seemed to be unconscious and bleeding as well, if not as badly as Alexander.

“It’s just a graze…” Hercules murmured after checking John’s arm before as gently as possible lifting up his head to feel the back of it. “Yeah and a nasty bump here, I guess he hit the ground pretty hard…”

“Explains why he’s out cold… we need to tend to that quickly anyway, if any of this gets infected, they are done for out here…” Lafayette whispered, white as a sheet in contrast to the sticky, red blood on his hands.

Hercules, who had done his fair share of field care for fellow soldiers, quickly set up a small fire to warm up their supply of drinking water before he carelessly searched through all their bags to pick out the cleanest clothes they still owned to use as bandages.

“Merde, it’s not stopping, Herc. We need to take Alex to a doctor, I don’t think we can do anything about this out here.” Lafayette said after wiping on the double-sided wound in Alex’s shoulder.

“Laf?” Alex whimpered as burning pain lanced through his shoulder. “What… John…” he stuttered.

“Don’t talk, mon ami. Save your strength. John will be just fine, thanks to you. It’s you I’m more worried about…” the Frenchman mumbled, tying the bandage as tightly as he dared around the shoulder even if it elicited a broken off scream of pain from his friend.

“All done, best we take them both…” Hercules said, jumping to his feet and methodically going about grabbing all their bags and tying them to their horses. The tents they could leave behind if need be but their belongings he wouldn’t risk.

Quickly he helped Lafayette to get Alexander with him on the horse, then gently pulled John on his own, before they set out in a frantic gallop back to the city they had been in before.

~*~

“Ngh… what happened…” John’s quiet voice, raspy from disuse cut through the anxious silence of the room like a cannon.

“John!” Herc sprang to his feet, getting closer to the bed his friend was lying on. “Finally…” he breathed in relief.

“What do you remember, mon ami…” Lafayette asked quietly, carefully. The doctor, who still was frantically tending to Alexander’s wounds had cautioned them, warned them of a possibly lasting injury or memory loss from the blow to John’s head. The graze on his arm was comparatively harmless. He’d redone the bandage quickly after washing the wound with alcohol.

“I remember… setting up camp with Alex… he was…” he gratefully took a sip of water that Hercules helped him with when he noticed how dry John’s throat seemed to be. “… he was grumbling about something and then… gun fire… the horses and then… Alex?” he asked, his eyes widening when he realised that the last thing he remembered was Alexander pushing him to the ground.

Laf and Hercules shared a quick look, relieved that apparently John’s head hadn’t been affected.

“You got ambushed by some British soldiers it seems. We shot one of them, others got away, we have no idea how many there actually were.” Hercules explained softly.

“Alexander must have pushed you out of the way of another bullet. It ripped through his shoulder and grazed your arm, otherwise I fear it would have hit you point blank.” Lafayette added.

Again John’s eyes widened.

“What about Alex. Laf, where is Alexander!” he demanded to know, abruptly sitting up in his bed what made him feel dizzy like nothing else.

“Careful, John… you hit your head pretty hard when you landed…” Hercules gently pushed John back on the pillow. “The doctor is still working on that wound. Apparently, Alex got lucky and it hasn’t shattered his bone but he was bleeding quite a lot and the doc is concerned about infection.” He tried to explain what was going on without upsetting John even further.

The smaller man blinked rapidly against the tears in his eyes as he tried to understand everything he’d just been told.

“He’s… going to live, right?”

“Mon ami, Alexander is fighting like the little lion he is, I’m sure he will be fine in no time once the doctor finished with his work. Despite bleeding like a freshly slaughtered cow, his first concern was for your safety. He’s going to be alright as long as you are.” Lafayette replied, a soft smile playing over his lips for the first time since the whole ordeal started.

Only moments later Alexander was brought into the room, out cold from the pain and exhaustion of the treatment, pale beyond anything either one of them had ever seen.

“I did the best I could, I managed to stop the bleeding and hopefully I flushed out any dirt that might be cause for infection. Now we have to wait and see. You’re welcome to stay with your friends. I’ll be next door in case something happens.” The doctor bowed his head at the four soldiers and left the room.

“He looks so pale and tiny…” Hercules muttered under his breath, which made John and Lafayette chuckle.

“I can’t disagree, my friend but don’t let him hear you say that or Alexander will never forgive you.” The Frenchman grinned.

“What now?” John asked, his eyes fixed on the sleeping face of his lover.

“We wait and we pray.” Herc said, settling back in his chair that stood in the middle between the two beds. “Other than that… I know what we intended to do but under these circumstances…”

“We should take Alexander home. This wound will take weeks to properly heal even without the danger of infection… I should write to Eliza and the General…” sighed Lafayette.

John sighed as well, closing his eyes in defeat when he had to admit that their whole plan for their journey had gone up in gunpowder smoke and that he had to accept that they would have to find another way to fulfil his mission.

“I agree… as much as it pains me and he won’t like it but it’s the right call… do it, Laf.” The freckled man whispered, giving in to the wave of exhaustion that pulled him under mercilessly.

The other two shared a silent look, both glad that their friends would be alright but also aware that this would certainly put a strain on all of them.

~*~

>Dear Mrs Hamilton,

regretfully I have to inform you that your husband has gotten injured on our journey to South Carolina. All things considered he is doing well but his recovery will likely take quite some time.

We, as his friends, have decided that it would be better for him to return home. We will begin the journey back as soon as his condition allows.

I apologize that I don’t have better news and we will have to meet again on such a sad occasion but I do hope that you and your child are well.

Sincerely, your friend,

Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette.<

~*~

>General Washington,

Sir, I have to inform you that our small camp got ambushed by Redcoats last night. We can’t be sure but we assume they were stragglers who got separated from their unit and were working on their own. Mulligan and I weren’t at the camp at that time and managed to kill one of the attackers and put the others to flight.

Hamilton sustained a serious shoulder wound while shielding Laurens who suffered a bullet graze. Both have been treated by a doctor in a nearby town and should be able to recover fully.

As soon as possible we will change our destination and accompany Hamilton back home to recover in peace with his wife.

I advise utmost caution for further renegade British soldiers who might try to attack our troops.

Respectfully,

Lafayette.<

~*~

Alexander Hamilton remained pretty out of it for the following two days. Despite that the wound itself was free from infection, his severe exhaustion and the blood loss proved to be a hard hit for his already fragile health.

A fever and a deep-rooted cough kept him under for most of the hours of the day and the doctor shared his fear of a developing pneumonia with the other three men.

John was allowed to leave after a night of observation and shared a room at a guesthouse with his two friends. Together they took turns staying with Alexander to make sure the other man knew he wasn’t alone.

The fever quickly proved to be a problem because it seemed to trigger nightmares of epic proportion for the young Caribbean, who mumbled incoherently in his fitful sleep.

The other three quietly talked about the snippets they caught, wondering about what demons their friend was battling. John vowed to himself to talk to Alexander about this because he could sense that it was something that weighed on his lover for all his life.

It took another three days after the fever broke for the doctor to allow the four men to begin their journey home. He wasn’t exactly thrilled because the risk of pneumonia or an infection still was pretty high but he also was aware that he wouldn’t be able to hold the four men back.

They exchanged one of their horses for a small carriage where Alexander could rest on instead of using all his energy to stay upright on a horse.

(The three friends quickly learned to distinguish between Alexander ranting about the situation and when he was truly in pain, tuning out the former and paying attention to the latter.)

The journey took over a week but finally they reached the city limits, all of them dishevelled, tired and in Alexander’s case still sick but alive.


	11. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick mention about the 'late' Mrs Schuyler senior. Historically she was very much alive at this point in time and apparently very pregnant herself, the fact that she had already passed in this story doesn't necessarily serve a purpose but is due to a minor brain fart on my part because I've mixed things up when I wrote that and basically wasn't motivated enough to rewrite all that since it's not actually important. Just wanted to put that out there in case anybody was wondering.
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy!

It had been a stroke of pure luck that Angelica had been visiting her sister on the day the news of Alexander’s injury arrived at the humble Hamilton residence.

Already when Eliza took the letter from the messenger, she had a cold shudder running down her spine. She knew her Alexander’s handwriting and the address most definitely wasn’t written by him.

“What is it, my dear sister?” Angelica immediately wanted to know when Eliza returned to the salon.

But the younger Schuyler sister didn’t react to the question, but ripped open the letter to read the short message inside.

With a choked gasp, her free hand covering her trembling lips she sank on the couch. Tears welled up and spilled over in the blink of an eye, too deeply sat the shock of losing the man she loved still and learning about it through a letter very similar to this one.

Angelica immediately went to her sister’s side, hugging her tightly, kissing her temple without even knowing what was happening. She didn’t have to know, her sister was in deep distress and she needed to calm down to not risk the new life growing inside her.

“Shh… Eliza, I’m sure it’s going to be alright…” she whispered, hoping to God that the letter didn’t bring the news of Alexander’s passing.

“I hope so… please God, let him be okay… I can’t lose him too…” Eliza whimpered.

Angelica didn’t think anything by Eliza’s word, merely thinking that her sister was thinking about the too early passing of their mother. Gently she pulled the paper free from the younger one’s hand, scanning the few lines and sighed in relief.

“My dear sister, it’s going to be alright… Alexander is as resilient as they come and nothing will keep your husband away from his son, you’ll see. His friends are good men, I’m sure they spoke the truth about his condition. It will be good for him to return home for nowhere one can heal better than under your loving care. I’ll stay with you to prepare for their arrival, close as they are, I don’t suppose his friends will leave his side all that quickly.” The older Schuyler said in a determined tone, squeezing her sister tightly once again.

They would manage this bump in the road like they always did.

~*~

A few days passed in anticipation but nobody arrived at Eliza’s doorstep until another messenger knocked and brought her another short letter written by the Marquis de Lafayette, informing her that Alexander had fallen sick and they had to wait several days before they were able to begin their journey but that they would do so the next day and he estimated their arrival about a week after that.

Given how long the letter took, Eliza expected the group shortly after its arrival.

Three more days later, her patience was rewarded when another loud knock sounded through the house.

Quickly, she wiped her hands on her apron, cleaning away flour stains from the apple pie she was making to keep her mind off her worries.

Cautiously she opened the door, enough to look up in the big, glassy brown eyes of her sheepishly smiling husband who had a dirty uniform jacket draped over his shoulders and was carefully supported from both sides by who Eliza recognised as the Marquis de Lafayette and John Laurens. At the foot of the stairs she also saw Hercules Mulligan who had opted to stay behind to take care of the horses first before he too joined the others.

“Oh Alexander…” she whispered, throwing her arms around him, needing to feel him to be able to believe that he had returned alive.

“Hey…” the Caribbean returned, wincing visibly however when she unknowingly put pressure on his injured shoulder.

“Oh, I’m so sorry…” Eliza gasped once more and stepped back again, turning her gaze to the other men then but quickly decided to throw caution to the wind and went in to hug each one of them as well.

“Thank you for bringing him back to me…” she sincerely said to each one before she stepped back again.

“Oh what am I doing… please come inside…” she ushered them in, pointing to the living room where Alexander could sit down and rest.

~*~

With Alexander carefully seated on a plush couch, Lafayette was able to breathe freely for the first time since the day of the ambush. He was worried for his friend and despite their arrival now, they still were not entirely out of the woods but being home definitely made the whole ordeal safer.

At least when it came to Alexander’s health, the Frenchman thought hopefully. When it happened, taking him home had been the obvious and logical decision and it hadn’t even occurred to Lafayette until halfway into their journey how complicated the situation would be for Alexander with John and Eliza at the same house. He hadn’t said anything to either of them but he couldn’t help but feel a little awkward.

You see, Lafayette had no doubt about the honest and true feelings of Alexander for John and Eliza, but one was his legally wed wife and the other was a highly dangerous and illegal affaire. He could only hope that things would turn out alright.

He observed the way Eliza treated them all, in fact Lafayette himself was quite taken with how lovely the young woman was and how attentive she was to all of them despite being with child and thus certainly restricted in many things. He couldn’t detect anything akin suspicion towards John, to the Frenchman’s surprise, it rather was to the contrary and it looked like Eliza entrusted John with her husband’s care even more than Herc and himself for some reason.

Alexander for that matter seemed happy enough to be in the safety of his home but was otherwise pretty out of it once again. It had been a worrisome development over the course of their journey that the Caribbean’s health would take a turn for the worse in the late afternoons when he had used up the little energy he had currently at his disposal. A slight rise in temperature, a painful sounding coughing fit, it all left Alexander barely holding on to consciousness and being home didn’t magically heal him of that.

Eliza had just made sure that they all had something to drink and were resting after the long travel when Alex sank into the soft pillows with a soft gasp, small pearls of sweat adorning his temples.

“Alex?” John asked a little alarmed although he witnessed similar events before, quickly checking his friend’s forehead.

“Another spike?” Hercules asked softly and John nodded sombrely.

“Feels like it, yeah… I think he should lie down, he would be more comfortable that way…” John looked at Eliza, smiling a little to calm her nerves that were obvious in her eyes. “He needs more sleep. Could you show us the bedroom?”

Eliza hesitated only for a second before she nodded.

“Of course, follow me.”

Without another word Hercules gathered the smaller man in his arms and carried him upstairs. The fact that Alexander didn’t even put up a token protest spoke volumes for his state.

Much to Lafayette’s amazement, John and Eliza were working together without a word, tucking the sick man in as if they had done so many times before.

“My dear Mrs Hamilton, your husband needs rest, I think we better get going…” he finally said when they stepped out of the room.

“Oh no, please don’t… Alexander would want you close, I’m sure of it and my sister and I already prepared rooms for all three of you. Alexander’s friends are my friends, especially when I owe them for bringing my husband back alive. Let me show you.” And with that the smaller woman walked straight down another hallway, pointing at two doors. “Two of you will have to share I’m afraid, we don’t have enough rooms otherwise but please do make yourself at home, you are welcome as long as you want, it’s what my Alexander would want.” She smiled at the three men.

Hercules quickly caught Laf’s eye and both nodded.

“We’ll share, we’re already used to living in the same space, thank you Mrs Hamilton, it’s really too generous of you.”

“Eliza please.” She said with a beautiful blush in her cheeks. “Get some rest yourselves, I’ll return to the kitchen in case you need anything at all.” She curtsied somewhat awkwardly and left the three men alone.

“What a formidable woman. I’ve seen women a lot older and more experienced who wouldn’t have taken a situation like this in their stride like that.” Hercules murmured, looking after her.

“Indeed, she is a very special woman…” John agreed with a soft smile on his lips that thoroughly confused his French friend.

“I agree, mes amis but she’s right, we should get some rest as well.” Laf nodded and the three men went their separate ways.

~*~

Try as he might, John Laurens wasn’t able to fall asleep. The bed, unimaginably comfortable, was too soft for someone used to sleeping on field bedding or the floor. The room, small but light, was too silent for someone used to sharing with several other men, not to mention the constant background noise of the camp. But in the end, if John was being honest with himself, it was the absence of Alexander that made him restless. He knew they were safe now but not being able to monitor Alex’ wellbeing, left him with a deep-set anxiety.

He laid there for over an hour, staring at the ceiling and straining his ears for anything unusual before he gave up with a sigh.

Silently John left his room and went to the bigger master bedroom where they had left Alexander before, silently pushing open the door.

The Caribbean looked like he hadn’t moved an inch from where they had left him but he was a lot paler than before, sweat now making his hair stick to his forehead and his face screwed up in discomfort.

Quickly John stepped closer, checking and wincing at the heat coming off Alex in waves.

“Don’t you dare getting any worse than that, you’re supposed to get better here.” He whispered, gently stroking Alex’ cheek until he relaxed a little in his sleep.

The freckled man looked around the room and quickly found a bowl and a jug with water on a table to the side. Without hesitation he used it to wet a small towel to help Alexander cool off a bit.

The other man groaned and whined but didn’t wake up, mumbling unintelligibly in between raspy sounding breaths.

Again and again, John wiped the sweat away, sitting on a chair he had pulled from the corner. With his free hand, John first grabbed Alex’ hand but soon readjusted his grip to the other’s wrist where he could feel the slow and slightly unsteady beat of Alexander’s heart when the sick man became almost unnaturally quiet.

John was so focused on Alexander that he didn’t really notice his own eyes falling shut, nodding off with one hand around Alexander’s wrist, the other holding the damp towel to his forehand and John’s own head resting on the mattress.


	12. Relapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, it's an emotional one.  
> I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Eliza sighed as she added some carrots to the stew she had on a low simmer on the stove. The pie, that she had been making when the men arrived, was already finished and cooling off but she supposed that they would get hungry at some point.

Truth was, she was extremely worried about Alexander’s condition but she also felt a little awkward around his friends. Not that either of the three gave her reason to be, they all were absolute sweethearts, she could tell and Eliza certainly was able to see what drew Alexander to John but she couldn’t help but think that she had imagined their meeting differently.

After stirring the stew again, she made her way upstairs silently to check on her husband. The picture that greeted her however gave her pause in the doorway and an almost painfully fond smile tugged on her lips.

John apparently had fallen asleep with his head on the mattress next to Alex and her husband had turned his face instinctively towards the other man.

Despite the cute scene, Eliza felt a hot spike of worry when she took closer notice of her husband. His breathing was shallow and laboured, unnaturally fast as if Alexander had to work hard to get enough air. And his normally tanned complexion had taken on an almost greenish-pale colour and the Caribbean was shivering slightly.

She tip-toed around the bed to Alexander’s other side, quickly deciding that John already had the right idea and gently wiped away the sweat first and then piled another blanket around her husband. She took another, smaller one back to John and carefully draped it around his shoulders, not wanting to wake the man. She hadn’t noticed the arrival of Lafayette who was watching her from the door.

~*~

Laf tried hard to swallow past the lump in his throat as he surveyed the situation. He should have known that John wouldn’t stay in his own room. He really should have expected this after basically living with the other men for god knew how long.

And then there was Eliza, lovely, doting Eliza taking care not only of her husband but unwittingly also her husband’s lover. It was utterly surreal and gave the Frenchman a vaguely second-hand feeling of guilt.

“How is Alexander?” he whispered, startling Eliza out of her thoughts. “Apologies, I didn’t mean to scare you…”

“You didn’t…” the young woman turned to look at the newcomer. “I was just… lost in my own thoughts.” She explained. “Alexander is… well, please, you tell me…” she gestured to the bed. “I fear it’s getting worse but I have no way of telling if I’m right…” she murmured and Lafayette gently squeezed her shoulder reassuringly as he passed her to take a closer look.

Quickly he checked the sleeping man over.

“I’m afraid you might be right, but at least he’s sleeping mostly peacefully, no nightmares. That’s a good start. When he comes around, we should really clean his shoulder wound and re-dress it.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, could you explain to me how all this happened?” Eliza asked, resuming her work of wiping down Alexander’s skin.

Lafayette took a step back to give her more room to work and sighed deeply and full of regret.

“I’m afraid, it’s been an act of cowardice that got Alexander in this situation. Not on his part, mind you. In his case, it’s quite the opposite. We were on our way to South Carolina, came close even, when our camp for the night was ambushed by British soldiers who apparently didn’t want to accept that the war was over and that their leaders had surrendered. Hercules and I weren’t there when it happened but your husband… I suppose he meant to push John out of the way of the bullet and ended up in the way himself.”

The young woman looked at Lafayette as he explained, listening carefully and couldn’t help the smile when he ended, looking back at Alexander.

“That sounds like my Alexander, he truly is the most self-sacrificing man I ever had the honour to know.” She murmured. “Thank you for telling me.”

“No need to thank me, my dear Eliza, the bravery of your husband knows no bounds, it deserves to be told.” He smiled at the brunette.

“You are very kind. If you are hungry after the journey, please help yourself to some stew in the kitchen.” She added.

“Very generous, I will when I return, I need to send word to General Washington about our arrival and Alexander’s condition first.” He replied.

Shortly after, Lafayette took his leave, letting silence return to the room.

~*~

John drifted to consciousness gradually to soft voices talking in the background. It took him a moment to put names to the whispers but only listened half-heartedly to the conversation between his friend and the lady of the house. His eyes still closed, he focused more on the laboured breathing next to him and the fluttering pulse under his fingertips, the heat that emanated from the sick man was only matched by the soft blanket around his shoulders which definitely hadn’t been there when he fell asleep.

In his head he prayed for Alex to get better even if right now it seemed like that frightful first night when the doctor had cautioned them that they should be prepared for the worst. John didn’t understand how it had come to this; the other man had seemed to feel better over the past days of their travels. But now it felt like Alex had put up a front, fought with all his might to return home before his strength finally left him.

Subconsciously he registered the topic of Lafayette and Eliza’s conversation and also when the Frenchman left the room. He stayed quiet for a while longer, trying to find the right words to say to the wife of the man he loved so dearly.

“I’m sorry.” He finally settled on, opening his eyes slowly, meeting Eliza’s gaze head on.

The young woman regarded him with an expression in her eyes that John couldn’t properly identify.

“Whatever for, Mr Laurens?” Eliza asked curiously, never stopping with her gentle ministrations for the sick man between them.

Carefully, as not to wake Alex by accident, John sat up, the grip around the Caribbean’s wrist unchanged however.

“Everything somehow. I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain in your heart, especially since you can’t openly share your grief. I’m sorry about Alexander, that you are in this situation. But most of all I’m sorry that he returned in this state to you because of me. I should be the one lying there and I’d trade his place in a heartbeat.” He took a deep, shuddering breath, looking back down at the sleeping man. “Also, call me John, please.”

Eliza stayed quiet for a moment, mulling over what she had just heard.

“John, I truly appreciate your sympathy. The pain and grief in my heart is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, much less a good man like yourself. I can’t deny that it feels good to be able to talk about this. But I can’t accept your apologies on the other matters, for there is no need for you to be sorry at all. If anything, I should be the one to apologise for the situation. It’s me that brought discord in your and Alexander’s life because he’s too honourable a man to betray my confidence even if it could have cost him dearly.” Gently she put her hand over John’s on Alex’s wrist. “As for *this*…” she gave a small nod with her head, indicating what she was referring to. “… that’s not your fault either. You didn’t choose to be ambushed and it was also Alexander’s decision to do what he did. I wouldn’t have expected any less. I certainly would have preferred a meeting on a happier note but I have no doubt that Alexander would be thoroughly heartbroken now had that bullet taken it’s intended course. He chose your life over his own as he did with mine before, now it’s our job to take care of him. We owe it to him.”

John was struck speechless. What could he possibly say to this? The young woman was right, of course. He owed Alex his life.

Luckily for the freckled man, he didn’t have to find an answer just then, when a broken whimper interrupted the heavy silence.

“John?” Alexander whispered hoarsely. “’liza?” His eyes were open and even if it was just a small slit it was obvious that they were glassy and unfocused. The Caribbean was awake but not entirely with them.

“I’m here, Alex…” John whispered squeezing the wrist gently.

“Yes, my love, I’m here as well…” Eliza replied, soothingly wiping Alexander’s brow once again.

“You finally met… that’s nice… be good for each other…” Alex murmured, again and again interrupted by harsh sounding coughs that left him breathless and in pain.

“Shh, we will… get some more rest…” John said softly, gently cradling Alex’s head with one hand while he helped him sip some water. He tried to keep the pain and fear out of his voice but couldn’t from his eyes. He shared a look with Eliza and saw the same mirrored in her own eyes.

“Yes, my dear, we promise, don’t worry about us, just get better…” she said. And directed at John she added: “Lafayette mentioned that his wound needs cleaning and re-dressing, you think we should do that now?” She had no experience with wounds of that magnitude and had to rely on the other man’s knowledge.

John winced but nodded.

“I don’t relish the thought, to be honest. This will probably be painful for him but better we do it now than waking him up again later.”

As gently as possible he opened Alexander’s shirt to get better access to the wound. The dressing was slightly dirty and blood stained.

“You will hate this but we have to check on you wound, Alex, please be strong now…” John whispered, trailing his fingers through the sweaty locks.

Without further ado he peeled away the old dressing, eliciting a pained groan and whimper from Alexander.

Eliza handed him a fresh, wet towel.

“Try to soothe him, this won’t be pretty…” he warned the woman who quickly followed John’s suggestion, whispering soft words in Alex’s ear, caressing the too hot skin of his face.

It didn’t help much to stop the pained scream when John as efficiently as possible cleaned the wound. It didn’t look infected luckily but had opened slightly and was overall healing very slowly. John could only assume it was because Alex hadn’t been able to rest properly until now.

Within seconds of the scream the door was pushed open and Hercules came stumbling hastily into the room.

“What’s going on? Alex?” he asked anxiously, quickly surveying the situation. Immediately he understood Alexander’s distress as he watched John carefully re-dressing the wound. His entry got mostly ignored though, John didn’t react and Eliza only looked up shortly.

“All done, my friend…” John whispered shakily, closing the shirt again and pulling up the blanket. “Get some more rest, Alex…” he added, clenching his fists to focus on something else than his own emotions threatening to overwhelm him.

Gently Herc squeezed John’s shoulder.

“How is it?” he asked once more, eyes on the whimpering man who seemed to slip back into unconsciousness slowly, completely exhausted from the ordeal.

“Not great. The wound seems clean but still bleeds in some spots, I fear we should have waited a little longer before coming here. Look at him, Herc… he looks worse than that night…” the smaller man whispered, his voice slowly failing him with the last words spoken.

The tall tailor understood what John was telling him, what his younger friend feared. Without a word he slid his hand from John’s shoulder to his neck, rubbing it gently and carefully coaxing him into a tight hug. He could feel the tension and the tremble that spoke of how hard his friend was fighting his emotions.

“It’s going to be fine, John. Alexander is a fighter. He just needs some proper rest now.”

Over John’s shoulder Hercules caught Eliza’s gaze and gave her a reassuring smile as well.

“Speaking of rest… did you sleep at all, my friend?”

“A little… not much though…” John admitted silently.

“Well that’s kind of obvious. You’re no help to Hammy if you collapse right next to him, John. I thought we were past this…” Hercules scolded gently.

“He’s right, John. Listen to your friend. Both of you, go and eat something, there’s stew and fresh apple pie in the kitchen and then you should get some more sleep. I will stay with Alexander and I’ll let you know if anything changes.” Eliza spoke in a soft but strict tone. She had stepped around the bed towards the two men who had separated again.

John wanted to object, he needed to stay with Alex but he also knew that in this house Eliza was calling the shots and that she had every right to want to be alone with her husband should the unspeakable happen.

Dejectedly John nodded and left the room together with Hercules.


	13. Fever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another emotional one, sorry (well, not really...)  
> Anyway, this was intense to write and I'm sure to read as well but I'm actually quite happy and proud of this chapter.  
> Please do enjoy~

Alexander felt like he was floating, not sure about where he was and what time it was. The heat surrounding him was stifling and it reminded the man of his youth in the Caribbean, when the afternoon sun was hot and unforgiving and the air was filled with choking humidity.

And yet, he couldn’t help the shuddering, he could feel the heat pressing in on him but he felt cold to the core, as if his insides were frozen over. He remembered that feeling, had experienced it once before, a long time ago. Or was it? Maybe it was the same time and everything that happened in between was one long fever induced dream. Alexander could only wonder, he wasn’t sure about it anymore.

But was it possible? Could a child of barely twelve years of age dream up a hurricane? A war? Eliza? And John? And the others? No, it couldn’t be.

“Alexander…” a soft female voice broke through the fog in his mind. “Alexander, my lovely boy, I’m waiting for you…” she whispered and tears welled up and spilled over instantly. He knew that voice.

“Maman… where are you? I want to see you again…” the man called out, feeling like the twelve-year-old boy he had been when they last were together.

“I’m here, my love… just come closer, we can be free together…” she whispered, holding a hand out for Alexander to hold on to.

The image of his mother broke through the heat like a breath of fresh, cool air and the young man relished the feeling on his hot skin.

Slowly he lifted a hand, almost ready to be reunited with his beloved mother but something was holding him back, like shackles around his feet and his other hand. Confused the man looked down at himself, seeing hands grabbing his ankles and his hand seemingly out of nowhere and when he looked up towards his mother again, a fourth pair of hands closed around his outstretched one.

“Alexander… come back…”

“My love, don’t leave just yet…”

“Mon petit lion… fight this like you did before…”

“Alex, we still need you…”

The words swirled around him, pulling at Alexander’s heart. He knew these voices. His brothers… his wife… his lover… They were begging him to stay and his mother was looking at him with a soft smile on her lips.

“Maman… forgive me… there still is so much I have to do…” he cried softly, as he watched her slowly fade away.

“I understand, my love… take your time… I’ll wait for you on the other side…” she whispered as she disappeared, taking with her the feeling of a fresh breeze. The hot and humid air closed in around Alexander’s chest, choked him and made him gasp as he struggled to breathe and take notice of his surroundings again.

~*~

Eliza, while growing up, had kept vigil many a night at her younger siblings’ bedsides during the long hours of winter. But nothing had prepared her for the fear that was gripping her heart as she watched her husband slowly fade away from her.

At first, after Hercules had led John out of the room gently, nothing much changed. Alexander was sleeping, struggling with what she only could assume was an infection in his chest. The fever didn’t wane despite her efforts and that concerned her.

In silence she watched the unsteady up and down of Alexander’s chest, only listening in the background to the soft murmurs coming from the kitchen.

At some point she assumed that Lafayette had returned because for a short moment the conversation turned louder, more heated before it was cut off entirely for long moments, only interrupted by the clinking of cutlery.

Moments later the Frenchman softly knocked on the doorframe before entering the room.

“How is he?” he asked, his voice laced with worry.

“Unchanged, I fear… the fever is still running high and I don’t know anything else to do but hope and pray.” She answered silently but honestly. Instinctively she knew that Lafayette could take the truth.

The man stepped closer to her, one big, strong hand gently placed on her back, rubbing soothing circles in an attempt to lighten the weight on her a little.

“I suppose there isn’t much else we can do. It’s up to Alexander now. I talked to a doctor at the outpost but he didn’t have much more to offer than what you’re already doing. Medical supplies are low and at this stage wouldn’t do him any good anymore anyway.” He said, his accented voice dull with sadness.

“Call if anything changes, Hercules and I will try to make sure John gets some rest now. But more importantly, please don’t hesitate to call if *you* need anything either. Alexander would never forgive us if we didn’t take proper care of you and your child, Miss Eliza. Please spare us the lecture when he comes out of it.” Lafayette squeezed her shoulder a last time and gave her a small smile.

“I will, thank you. You are safe with me, Alexander won’t hear any complaints for all of you have been nothing less than absolute gentlemen ever since you arrived.”

The Frenchman left the room, leaving the door ajar in case Eliza would call for them.

An hour turned into two and then into three without any change and the night moved on relentlessly.

Eliza was tired but her worry and fear kept her wide awake, noticing every detail, every shift in Alexander’s condition.

It was just before midnight when a hitch in Alexander’s breathing startled Eliza out of her monotone routine of wiping his forehead, rinsing the towel in cold water and repeat. For a heart-stopping second she thought he had stopped breathing but a moment later Alexander took another shallow breath, accompanied by a nasty rattling noise that didn’t bode well to Eliza’s ears.

At the same time, she noticed what she hadn’t thought possible before but it felt like Alexander’s temperature rose once more, giving off heat in waves that hardly felt human but more like something from the depths of hell.

When she saw Alex open his eyes, glazed over and obviously unseeing, mumbling under his breath something that sounded like a delirious conversation with his late mother, she knew deep in her heart that they were on the cusp between life and death.

With a heavy heart she placed the damp towel once more on Alexander’s forehead before she quickly left his bedside to alert his friends.

She wasn’t surprised when she found all three of them curled up around each other, comforting each other, but awake.

She couldn’t hide the sorrow in her voice when she said:

“I think you should come…”

It was all she needed to say for them to understand, faces shifting in varying degrees of distress. John, who had only barely held on to his composure before, instantly had tears streaming down his face and Eliza felt deep sympathy with the other man.

They gathered around the bed, watching in heavy silence over the man who was holding on to life apparently only by a thin thread still.

John on his left, cradling Alexander’s hand between his own, pressed to his own forehead, whispering a silent prayer and pleading for him to return to them.

Hercules and Lafayette took their places by Alexander’s feet to each side of the bed, their hands curled around his ankles in an effort to let him know that he wasn’t alone, murmuring their own encouragements to escape death once more.

And Eliza to his right, her small hands tightly curled around his outstretched one, blindly grabbing for something they couldn’t see, softly begging him not to leave her just yet.

They held on for what felt like hours but couldn’t have been more then minutes, tracking every single laboured breath Alexander took, always fearing it might be his last.

The sick man murmured some words that neither of them could understand, neither of them had the heart to *try* to understand in case Alexander was whispering his last good-byes.

A moment went by and a sudden silence filled the room as everything just stopped. Eliza and the three men held their breath in anxious anticipation as Alexander made no sound and stopped breathing for a long moment.

A heart-breaking sob ripped through the silence when John visibly shattered right before their eyes but Lafayette and Hercules couldn’t take care of their friend, however, because in the same moment Alexander convulsed violently, fighting to get air into his lungs.

Instinctively Eliza took a step back, giving the two other men space to better help Alexander, pulling him into a more upright position to ease his breathing and holding him there through his jerky movements.

Instead the young woman circled the bed to the place where John Laurens had slid down to the floor, crying hard and his face hidden in his hands. Caught up in his shock and grief, it didn’t seem like he had registered Alexander’s fight right next to him.

She sank to her knees next to the freckled man and pulled him in a gentle embrace. She too had silent tears sliding down her cheeks but hers were tears of relief.

“Shh… darling it’s going to be fine… he’s still with us… he’s fighting for us… look…” she whispered next to John’s ear soothingly, slowly letting go of the man to pull his hands away from his face.

John’s wide, sad eyes first met Eliza’s kind ones as she inclined her head towards the bed where Lafayette was slowly rubbing up and down Alexander’s back while talking him through slow breaths and Herc supported the frail body of his friend. John’s eyes widened impossibly even more while he grappled with the information he was seeing, as another wave of tears overcame him and he helplessly let himself cling to the gentle support that the woman provided.


	14. Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's always light at the end of darkness...  
> I hope you enjoy!

It had been a long night after the incident still. Alexander’s fever finally broke but he wasn’t magically better after that. After his seizure he had dropped off in complete exhaustion again and his two friends had carefully lowered him back on the pillow, making sure to position him for ease of breathing. Not that it helped much since Alexander soon curled up on himself to preserve body heat because he was still shivering despite the heat of the fever and the blankets covering him.

John had succumbed to emotional exhaustion as well after some time, curled up like a puppy at the foot of the bed and Eliza gently dozing in a rocking chair off to the side, reassured by the promises of Hercules and Lafayette that they would keep watch over Alexander and wouldn’t let anything happen to him.

In the morning, Eliza found her husband in about the same position as the night before but with significantly less heat emanating so unnaturally off him. His temperature was still higher than normal but it was a big step away from deaths door and in the right direction which let her breathe a little easier herself.

“Good morning.” She greeted the two other soldiers in the room when she got to her feet.

“I dare say so, Miss Eliza, it’s indeed a good morning…” Lafayette smiled tiredly at her, his eyes crinkling in the corners with joy and relief.

“Did you rest well?” Hercules asked, his eyes carefully scanning the young woman’s face for any hidden discomfort. He would do about anything for Alexander but he would be damned if he wouldn’t also keep a close eye on his wife while the man couldn’t himself.

“As well as was to be expected I suppose, thank you. What about him?” she directed her fond gaze on John who had contorted into a rather unhealthy-looking position in his sleep, one hand loosely curled around one of Alexander’s ankles.

“He turned into *that* a little while ago but hasn’t woken up all night. He will have a painful crick in his neck later on but I think it’s better to let him sleep while it lasts.” Hercules explained with a slight grin.

“I agree, after last night, I doubt he will willingly rest until Alexander is fully recovered again.” Eliza chuckled. “I’ll go and cook some hearty breakfast for us all and some strong broth for Alexander. He needs to eat something and soon to help restore his strength.” She said, filled with new purpose now that she was confident that the worst truly was over.

“Agreed, Alexander needs some proper feeding by the time he wakes up. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help.” Hercules nodded, stopping Eliza on her way out of the door.

“Thank you but I think I will be fine. In fact, I think you should get some rest now yourself.” She suggested with a last look at the sleeping but calm at last form of her husband.

Hercules looked at Alexander as well, then to the Frenchman next to him.

“I stand by my earlier assessment, she truly is a formidable woman. Her kind fighting spirit might be exactly what Alexander needs to balance out his own fire.”

Lafayette thoughtfully rubbed his own forehead, trying to ward of a slight headache that way.

“I agree… and still… I don’t know how all this will play out by the time Alexander wakes up…” his eyes drifted pointedly to John, worry evident in the small creases around his eyes.

“I know what you mean… we never talk about it out loud and like that it shall stay but I worry a lot about them… and yet… I can’t help the feeling that there is something more at play here that we’re not seeing, don’t you think?” Hercules murmured softly, not for the first time trying to unravel the mystery that had been overshadowed by Alexander’s dire condition.

The Frenchman was surprised to say the least. He had suspected that his friend had pieced together the true depth of Alex and John’s relationship at some point and had chosen not to comment on it but that his observations ran as deep as he made them sound, caught him a little off guard. Especially since he confirmed his own feelings.

“It is a mystery, my friend… but one that’s not our place to uncover I suppose, if only to preserve their safety.” He replied after a long moment.

“Did you ever consider that she might know?” the tailor wondered out loud after another pause.

There was no immediate answer, Lafayette just shrugged softly.

“Who knows…” he whispered. “Despite his often brash and reckless temper, Alexander is a true master at keeping secrets after all.”

~*~

Alexander awoke to the gentle ebb and flow of a silent voice later that day. He felt a bone-deep exhaustion and his chest hurt like it had been crushed by a rock but he felt like, for the first time in quite a while, he was properly aware of his surroundings instead of the dreamlike mix of reality and imagination.

“Eliza?” he asked softly, blinking open his eyes slowly, looking around as if he was seeing the room for the very first time.

“I’m here, Alexander…” the woman quickly took a step closer to the bed, her fingers squeezing her husband’s hand. “Oh my dear, you are awake… truly awake…” she whispered in delight and what registered in Alexander’s exhausted brain as crushing relief.

“I am, my lovely wife… what happened…” he wondered after swallowing thickly.

Quickly Eliza helped him sip some water which he gladly took, letting his head fall weakly back on the pillow.

He took note of the expression of utter fear and sorrow that pulled at Eliza’s soft brow.

“My dear… you’ve been fighting… you’ve been fighting so hard all night and at one point we believed we had lost you…” she explained letting Alexander fill the gaps himself with his brilliant brain even if it was slow and foggy because of the illness.

“I’m so sorry to have put you through this, but I would never have left you, my dear… I promised you…” he gently turned his hand in her grip to return the squeeze.

“My love…” Eliza said, a little choked by the unshed tears brimming in her eyes. “… I fear last night, this decision wasn’t in your hands alone anymore, but God’s grace listened to our prayers and gave you the strength you so desperately needed.” She whispered and even if Alexander himself had a somewhat complicated relationship with God and religion, her words drove home like nothing else could have, how close he had come to leaving this world.

“Again, I’m truly sorry. The only consolation is that I’m glad that if it had proven to be my last night, that I would have been surrounded by the people I hold dearest to my heart and that neither one of you would have to be alone.” He murmured and surprised even himself with how true his words were.

“Oh, my love…” she breathed, pulling his hand to her lips. “I’ll call your friends now, I dare say it will do them good to see you awake as well.” She added after a moment and got to her feet.

Alexander smiled tiredly after her but didn’t hold her back.

He had barely settled back in a more comfortable position when his friends came stumbling into the room, a mixture of anxiety, relief and joy in all their faces.

“Alex…” John whispered, apparently only really believing that Alexander had cheated death once again, when he met the Caribbean’s brown eyes that weren’t shining with fever anymore.

“You gave us quite the scare there, Hammy…” Hercules grumbled but the smile made his happiness quite clear as he patted Alexander’s shoulder.

“How are you feeling, mon ami?” Lafayette asked with a small smile playing over his tired features.

“Somehow like death warmed over, I suppose but better than for a while, I have to admit.” The sick man confessed.

“Seriously, you should have told us that you’re feeling this bad, we could have taken a break on our journey here to give you more of a rest.” The tailor admonished gently.

“In my defence, I hadn’t anticipated for it to be *this* dire either… I just wanted to be home sooner rather than later, where we all could be safe…” Alex admitted further, wondering if this sudden honesty was a side-effect of the fever.

“You are an idiot, Alexander Hamilton… an absolutely insufferable, self-sacrificing moron…” John hissed but his voice lacked heat, sounded more choked by emotion.

“I might have phrased it a bit more delicately but I second the sentiment, mon ami… next time -and I sure hope there won’t be a next time in the first place- you let us decide if we deem our safety more important than your health!” Lafayette suggested. The Frenchman usually was a calm presence in opposition to Alexander’s temper but his voice bore a cold steel edge that allowed for nothing less than absolute compliance. And not even Alexander Hamilton dared to disagree.

“I understand and for what it’s worth, I can’t apologise enough for putting you through this but I am sorry.” The smaller man said after a moment.

Lafayette shared long looks with Hercules and John before turning back to Alex.

“Good, we accept your apology, let’s not speak of this again but concentrate on getting you back on your feet.”

“I think some light food will help with that endeavour.” Eliza said from the door, startling the four men somewhat. She had only heard the end of the conversation as she returned to the bedroom with a bowl of the broth she had set to cook in the morning.

“I have no doubt when it’s prepared by an excellent cook such as yourself, Eliza…” Hercules smiled at the woman. He knew what he was talking about since he probably was the only one of them who had already tasted most of what she had cooked since their arrival, whereas his companions had been too preoccupied by worry to really take note of the food in front of them, if they had eaten at all.

“You are too kind but thank you.” Eliza replied, a little shy in the face of the compliment and settled into the circle around Alexander, handing him the bowl carefully.

He ate about three quarters of the broth before he had to give up and gave into exhaustion once more, drifting off to sleep in the middle of a conversation with his friends.

The four of them chuckled softly at that and fell silent, just grateful that they had made it through the crisis.


	15. Confrontation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, there isn't really much to say on my part about this chapter other than I hope you'll enjoy the chapter.
> 
> Also, I haven't finished the story yet but I'm working towards it and I'm thinking about posting a little more over Christmas as a kind of present from me to my dear readers, but I'm still figuring out the specifics.

Alexander’s recovery was a slow but steady affair over the following days, the times he was able to stay awake between much needed naps became longer and longer.

His friends entertained him with conversation and news from the outside. After some time and a much-needed bath, Angelica and Peggy came to visit filling the living room where they all gathered with lots of laughter as the two other Schuyler sisters got along well with Alexander’s friends.

A little too well on some occasions, one might have thought, hadn’t Alexander known his friends as well as he did.

But as time went by and Alexander regained his strength, it got progressively more difficult for the others to keep him from working.

“I don’t see why it’s such an issue, I just want to *write*. The world didn’t stop just because I got a little sick! There still is so much to do!” he ranted when Hercules and Lafayette had double-teamed on him and effectively blocked his path to his study for the third time that day.

“Mon ami…” Lafayette sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation but didn’t get to say anything.

“A little sick? A *little* sick?!” John snapped from behind Alexander, neither of the other three had noticed his approach and were now startled by his words. The Caribbean especially so, whirling around, wide-eyed.

“John, I…”

“You almost *died*, Alex! You were literally a second away from being gone forever, have you ever even thought about what witnessing that did to me? To any one of us? So please excuse us if we want to make sure that you are properly healed and healthy again before you go back to work again, because we all know that your own well-being goes on the back-burner the moment you start. I for one don’t want to have to sit by your side again, wondering if you’ll live to see another day. I can’t go through that again, Alexander. But if your work is so much more important to you that you don’t even care about that, go on, do what you have to do but don’t start complaining when you’re all alone the next time you get a *little* sick!” John seethed, cheeks flushed with anger, his fists balled tightly and his eyes shining suspiciously.

It wasn’t even that he yelled at Alexander, on the contrary, his voice was eerily calm when he said it, cold even but not hiding the underlying hurt in any way.

He didn’t give the other man a chance to answer, to explain himself but turned on his heels and walked up the stairs, closing his bedroom door with an audible thud.

Alexander took a shuddering breath, blinking quickly as he stared in confusion at the spot John had stood only a moment before.

“Well shit… now you’ve done it…” Hercules muttered under his breath, probably not necessarily intending for Alex to hear but he did and he quickly turned to his other friends.

“What…?” he stammered eloquently.

Lafayette sighed once more, taking a tentative step towards his friend and grabbed him by the shoulder.

“Mon ami… you need to learn your limits. As much as I agree that the world doesn’t stop for any one of us, it very well can cope without you writing day and night for a little while longer. You need to slow down, give yourself time to recuperate. Downplaying what you’ve been through won’t help. This has affected all of us but John even more so. Please refrain from making light of the situation unless you intentionally want to belittle the pain and worry, the heart-break John and Eliza, well, all of us went through that night.”

He let go and left Alexander to ponder on his words. He could only hope that John’s sudden outburst and his warning were enough to bring his friend to his senses.

Hercules passed Alexander without a word but with a light, comforting pat to the slumped shoulder, following the Frenchman to the kitchen where Eliza most likely was whipping up something delicious again.

The Caribbean stood frozen to his spot for a bit longer even after his friends had left. The thoughts in his head were roaring like a storm, almost deafening so that he couldn’t process any one of them.

Dazedly he turned on his heels and walked back to the living room and his armchair despite the path to his study finally being open to him to do what he had intended to do.

~*~

A soft, hesitant knock on his door startled John out of his wallowing some time later. Quickly he wiped away the tear tracks even if he knew that it was still quite obvious he’d been crying.

“Yeah?” he called hoarsely.

If John was honest with himself, he might have expected Laf or Hercules, maybe even Alexander himself who wanted to talk about the incident before. What he hadn’t expected was Eliza to appear in the crack of the door, a sympathetic little smile on her lips.

“Hey… may I come in?” she asked softly.

“Uh… sure…” John stuttered, making an effort to sit up a bit more properly, despite sitting on the bed. It was a small room after all and there wasn’t a lot of space for extra furniture. The chair that was there, he used mainly to hold his clothes in the evenings.

Eliza glanced at the chair in the corner, biting her lower lip in thought before making a decision. It might go against any sense of propriety, for her to be alone with a man who’s not her husband but she supposed with John Laurens she would be safe. Theirs was a special situation after all.

She settled on the mattress and slid back right next to John, carefully re-arranging her skirt before she turned to him, chuckling softly under her breath at the confused-shocked expression on the man’s face.

“Are you alright?” she wanted to know when finally she had settled down, one hand gently placed on John’s arm. “I heard what you said in the hall…”

John let his gaze rest on the spot where Eliza’s soft, small hand laid, wondering what he could possibly answer to that question.

The silence grew longer but the kind woman didn’t push John, just waited patiently for him to find the words. Carefully she used her own sleeve to dry off a stray tear from his jaw that he missed before.

“I… honestly don’t know… everything has been just… non-stop… And I know that’s Alexander’s default in a way but… I wonder if I can keep up with him that way. In a way it was easier before… before the duel… before I knew everything and I was still able to keep that last wall of anger around my heart because he married you… and before… the confession.” John murmured, for once just letting go.

If he had thought about it for a second, he might have considered that it could be awkward telling Alexander’s *wife* about everything that’s in his heart but her steady and patient presence just melted his defences.

“Now his mind is already working a mile a minute again and I’m sure he’s already planning things months if not years into the future despite barely being over that brush with death while I’m still stuck on that night, that agonizing second I thought I lost him and if it’s not that then it’s the day he pushed me out of the way of the bullet that got him in this mess in the first place. He could have already died then. A little more to the side and it could have hit him in the heart. I’m struggling with how much more painful everything seems now that I have everything to lose…”

He fell silent after that, eyes studiously directed at his own hands, resting in his lap, fingers idly picking at a loose thread in his pants. He would have to ask Hercules to take a look at that soon, there was no way he could afford a new pair of pants anytime soon.

“You have a big heart, John Laurens. A heart that feels so much deeper than most others do. It’s a trait you share with Alexander.” She smiled at him fondly when he looked up at her then, the mess of his curls slowly falling out of his tie. “It’s the trait that makes what connects you two so unique and beautiful but terrifying at the same time. I knew my Philip for all of three days before I lost him forever but I loved him from the first moment on. It broke my heart when that letter arrived but I was able to move on and I have Alexander to thank for that because he saw right through me and accepted me the way I am. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, John, for I have no doubt, with both of your big hearts, that neither one of you would be able to survive without the other.”

A little awkwardly because of the angle, Eliza slung her arms around John, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Our Alexander is a driven man, and despite being the one married to him, I don’t know his story well enough to know the reason for that. I just know that it’s a part of him that we can’t change but we can make sure that Alexander doesn’t lose himself along the way.”

John had hesitated a little but finally relaxed in the embrace, leaning his own head on top of the younger woman’s.

“How will we do that if he has so little regard for his own well-being?” he wondered out loud and startled only slightly when Eliza huffed a silent laugh.

“By letting go of what was, John Laurens, and by staying by his side through all the stupidity, nudging him in the right direction, caring for him and loving him with all we have when he doesn’t do so himself.” She said with surprising conviction in her voice as if it was the most obvious thing. “We all will have to learn to compromise but I trust that with you by his side, it should be possible. It’s certainly no easy feat to unlearn years of his habits but with the right incentive…” she trailed off, letting John find his own end to her thought.

He understood what she was trying to say but at the same time he was still fighting off the fear and pain of that one moment, waking up drenched in sweat and tears almost every night at the exact same time.

Cautiously he curled his arms around her in return of her embrace, turning his head a bit until he was able to bury his nose in her thick, dark brown hair, letting the scent of flowers and powder soothe his nerves.

“I truly have to agree with Hercules, you are an amazing, formidable woman. How are you so much smarter than all of us men?” he sighed, earning himself yet another soft chuckle.

“I think that’s because you boys are taught to underestimate us women from the moment you are born and because I’m much more of a bystander, John. My feelings, my love for Alexander is a very special one but most certainly not romantically inclined. I worry about him but I try not to let my emotions get in the way, that’s a luxury you don’t have, you love him too much for that. And the same applies to him.”

She tightened her grip on him a little.

John nodded slightly.

“I will promise you now, that for as long as I’m allowed to be around your son, I will make sure to teach him otherwise and God help me, so will Alexander.”

They stayed cuddled together like that for a little while longer, sometimes in companionable silence and then again talking easily. John learned that Eliza had a beautifully dry humour hidden underneath her kind and innocent demeanour while the young Mrs Hamilton learned a little more about the man who is John Laurens.

When she left, John felt significantly calmer and equipped with a plan to resolve the issue between him and Alex.

~*~

A plan alone wasn’t enough in the end because John still had to work up the courage to go along with it. It was one thing to talk to Eliza about it but another to face his lover when his feelings were still raw and frazzled.

By the time he made his way downstairs, he instinctively went for Alexander’s study, only to be pleasantly surprised to find it completely empty and more importantly, obviously undisturbed.

As happy as that made John, it posed the question of Alexander’s whereabouts.

Judging by the deep laughter coming from the kitchen, he probably wasn’t there. That left him with either the living room or the bedroom, in case Alexander had caved enough to go and take a proper nap in his bed.

He didn’t. Alexander was curled up in his armchair, a soft, woollen blanket around his shoulders, his eyes closed, his brows pulled into a deep frown and his fingers curled so tightly around his sleeves, that the knuckles had turned a pale white. John would have mistaken the signs for pain if he didn’t know his friend as well as he did.

“Alex?” John whispered, almost afraid to break the heavy silence in the room. “Can… we talk?” he barrelled on however.

The Caribbean’s eyes snapped open, widening in heart-breaking surprise at the sight of John Laurens’ dishevelled person.

“John!” he gasped as if he just remembered to breathe. “Yes… yes of course, we can… we probably should anyway…” he rambled away, nodding at the matching armchair right across from himself.

“I’m sorry…” they started at the same time and promptly broke off, chuckling softly.

“Please, may I?” Alexander asked after a moment of indecision on both their parts.

John nodded in invitation, leaning back slightly but still with a visible stiffness in the shoulders.

“John… my dearest Laurens, I truly can never apologise enough to you. It seems, despite all the love I have for you in my heart, I’m only able to hurt you, unintentional as it might be. And for that I am really sorry. What I said before… what I did… it’s inexcusable really. If at any point I unwittingly mocked your feelings and made light of the past days and weeks, please know that I hadn’t intended that. Quite frankly, I don’t want to imagine our roles reversed. If I was in your shoes, I surely would have succumbed to madness from the emotional pain on the first day. But then, in my eyes, you’ve always been the stronger of us two. I love you John and I can only beg your forgiveness once again for what I put you through.”

The freckled man couldn’t take his eyes off Alexander even if something in him wanted to shy away. But he needed to look him in the eyes, see the honesty glistening in there to be able to consider forgiveness. ‘Let go of what was…’ Eliza had said. He sighed.

“I’m sorry, too. It wasn’t right of me to put everything that happened on you. You did what you did to protect me and I would have done the same thing. The illness was a side-effect that wasn’t in the hand of either of us. And… I should have known better. We know each other for years, I know you, the way you live and work and I fell for you exactly that way, to assume you would… could, really, change that, wasn’t just a stupid idea but also a grave mistake on my part. I don’t want to change you, Alex, I just want you safe because I love you.”

Hesitantly John reached out a hand in the space between them, palm up. A silent invitation and Alexander didn’t miss a beat to interlace their fingers.

“I’d like to propose a compromise…” he finally settled on the most direct path for this talk.

“What is it?” Alexander tilted his head to the side in question.

“You are still in the middle of recovery, but I also see your desire to get back to work for our young nation. How about we work together? Like the old times, writing essays and stuff. But for now we keep it time restricted. We both work for about an hour in the morning and depending on how you feel, another hour in the evening and then we go from there.” John asked, strangely nervous for Alexander’s answer.

“That… sounds reasonable, although I fear I won’t get far with just an hour but for both our sakes, your mind and my health, I gladly agree to this!” the smaller man squeezed John’s fingers reassuringly. “And I’m looking forward to working with you once again.”

“Thank god…” John surged forward and threw his arms around Alexander’s neck. “I was hoping you’d say that!” he sighed relieved and pressed a sweet, chaste kiss on the Caribbean’s lips.

Alexander beamed in pure joy and delight, immediately curling his arms around the slightly taller man to keep him close and return the kiss the same way. He’d been missing this, kisses and generally being so close.

Ever since he had come back to camp and their first kiss after his confession, there simply wasn’t any time anymore or they weren’t alone long enough. Neither of them had any qualms about cuddling at night, never had, because Laf and Herc both were amazing friends but kissing was a much more intimate aspect of their dangerous liaison that they wanted to keep to themselves. And never actually seeing them doing anything unlawful, was giving their friends plausible deniability should they ever need it, so there was that as well.

“Alexander, are- oh mon dieu… apologies, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything…” Lafayette stammered from the doorway, a pretty, red blush covering his cheeks and his eyes studiously averted.

Not any less surprised and embarrassed, John quickly righted himself again, a similar blush painting his cheeks rosy as well. Only Alexander seemed still pale in comparison, although the tips of his ears burned a bright red.

“Ah Laf… did you need something?” Alexander found his voice again first.

The Frenchman looked at his friends again cautiously, then threw a look over his shoulder into the hall before stepping fully into the room and closing the door.

“Actually, I was wondering if you’re hungry… but seriously mes amis, you need to be more careful, what if it was Eliza coming in just now instead of me…” Lafayette berated them in a stern whisper.

The two lovers blinked at their friend, then shared a long look before they looked back at him again.

A small, hesitant smile grazed Alexander’s lips as he thought about his next words.

“Ah Laf… I… we appreciate your concern and we will be more careful in future… you might not understand, can’t possibly understand really but… Eliza won’t be a problem to us, I can’t say more, I’m truly sorry mon ami…” Alexander vaguely explained and hoped that his smart friend would catch on.

The Frenchman blinked, frowning in confusion at first and then he pulled both brows up in sudden understanding.

“You mean to say… she is aware?”

“Might just be the reason all this became possible in the first place, yes…” Alex confirmed and John looked at him with a fond smile.

Lafayette tried to understand everything he was just confronted with but couldn’t really grasp it. But one thing became clear to him, there had to be a much bigger secret at work behind all this but he trusted Alexander with his life, he would trust his decision as well.

He smiled softly at his friends then.

“Well then… as I said… I didn’t mean to interrupt anything… but Alexander, you need to eat something and soon, don’t forget it!” he reminded sternly again.


	16. Concern

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, the first one of the Christmas posts.  
> Merry Christmas Eve-Day!

The following days and weeks of Alexander’s recovery passed in accordance to his and John’s deal. After breakfast they both would retreat into the study and work in silence. Alexander writing essays like his life depended on it while John occupied his time with writing letters to his siblings, fellow soldiers and the General at first.

He had meant to join the other man in writing political statements towards their shared goal but the moment he took the quill in hand, John found it difficult to formulate a proper thought that went above ‘they deserve to be free’.

During the early days though, Alexander proved that he had learned something from John’s initial blow-up and their subsequent conversation, when he more often than not admitted that he still was too tired for his allotted evening hour of work, and rather spent the time with everyone gathered in the living room, talking and laughing until he dozed off at some point or another.

But as the days went by, he became stronger and more restless. Lafayette helped a lot during those times when he started to join Alex and John in the study, always ready to talk and debate a point that needed clearing up for either of them. Or discussing the news from the papers. The new-born nation they had fought so hard for was hanging in a state of indecision with no clear rule or lead yet and *that* was rubbing them all the wrong way. News from France weren’t much better, so neither of them were surprised when Laf’s mood took a turn for the worse sometimes.

Only Hercules largely stayed out of the political talk, choosing to spend more of his time with helping Eliza who steadily grew in size as her pregnancy moved along as well. The two of them shared a lot of laughs over sewing work or cooking and often lamented about how instead of keeping Alexander from working too much, it turned out to be more the other way around, with Lafayette and John spending a lot more time at work than they usually would have.

Hercules had expected that from John in a way because his friend had had the same tendencies during the war already, which surely was one of the reasons why John and Alex had gravitated towards each other from the start. But Laf surprised him with that turn of events and he vowed to himself to keep a close eye on his friend.

~*~

“You still awake?” Hercules asked one night after both occupants of the room had retired for the night.

Lafayette turned around at his friend’s hesitant tone, rearranging the sheets around himself.

“Oui… you as well I see… something on your mind, mon ami?” the Frenchman inquired curiously.

“Yeah… I’ve been meaning to ask… are you alright?”

At the surprised silence from the other side of the room, Hercules decided to speak on. “It’s just, I’m a little worried, not going to lie. I know that you are a hard worker when things need to be done, Washington didn’t make you his second after Hammy left for nothing but… I can’t help the feeling that… well, something’s different now. What I don’t know is what that might be.” He tried to explain the best way he could, never having been the master of words like his friends.

Laf stayed silent for a moment, turning on his back again, studying the ceiling as if it held all the answers.

“I don’t know… it’s just…” he broke off, licking his lips thoughtfully. “I suppose it’s just too easy to let Alexander’s enthusiasm take you in… I just feel more and more… useless in a way. Alexander is getting better by the day and barely needs any help anymore and what help he still requires, John or Eliza can provide easily. The war is done and what we initially set out to do is put on hold and I won’t join into the writing fray because Alex and John are a lot better at that than I ever could be. My homeland is in unrest and turning more and more violent, it would take a miracle if I actually would be able to bring freedom to them as well now. It pains me to read about their quick slip from ‘not ready for a proper revolution’ to an all-out anarchy with no sense whatsoever. Trying to actually do something about that now would probably cost me my head and I’m rather attached to that. So I can’t help there either. By god Eliza doesn’t need a lot of help and what help she does need, you, my friend, have already covered. And whatever the situation between Alex, John and Eliza, they don’t even need our help keeping that secret from each other anymore.” Lafayette rambled softly as if a dam was broken the moment he started. “What I’m trying to say is… I’m at a loss when it comes to my purpose at the moment… and debating with those two alleviates that at least a bit.”

To say that he was taken aback by Lafayette’s words, would have been a massive understatement. Hercules had already suspected that the situation in France held a big part in his friend’s behaviour but this over all bleak out-look, did surprise him.

“You, my friend, are very unkind to yourself!” he said, sitting up on his bed to look at the other man, even if he could only see a vague outline in the pale moonlight coming through the window.

“I can understand the pain and frustration in your heart when it comes to your home-country but Laf, bringing freedom to them isn’t your job, much less your sole purpose, now that we have won this war. I understand the desire but when it comes down to it, I’d rather have you here with us, in the nation that could only achieve their liberation because of *your* help and have you safe, than you going back there and losing your life to a senseless rebellion. You are very dear to us, Gilbert, don’t you forget it!” Hercules never usually used Laf’s given name but he felt it might help getting his point across now. “That doesn’t mean that you are useless. You might not realise it, because being kind and helpful is like second nature to you, but you’re doing a lot around here. And I’m sure by the time someone takes the reins of leadership, all three of you will be swept up in work again. So enjoy the time of respite while you can.”

Silence fell over them once more and for a long moment Hercules was afraid that Lafayette might have fallen asleep halfway through his speech but then the Frenchman took a deep, slightly shaky breath, sitting up as well.

“You think so?” he asked softly.

“I’m absolutely convinced!” the tailor answered.

“Then what about you? Mon ami, don’t think I didn’t notice you’re not including yourself in this prospect for the future.” Lafayette reiterated and was surprised again by the deep chuckle coming from the other side of the room.

“Laf, I’m not a politician, nor had I planned on becoming one. No, I’ve always been a more practical man, fighting in a war for what is right is one thing, doing the same on a Congress floor? That’s for brighter minds than myself. I’ll keep myself in the background, cheering you on from the side-lines and I’ll provide the voice of reason for the small businesses if the need arises. I do plan to get back to my apprenticeship after all and when that’s done, getting my own shop might be next on my agenda. I do hope that I can count on all of you for your support. I will make you the best-dressed politicians around.”

That in turn made Lafayette laugh, trying hard to keep it as quiet as possible.

“I’m sure that can be arranged, mon ami. I am quite picky with my clothes though, be warned…”

The laughter died down some and the Frenchman turned serious again.

“Honestly, though, thank you, Herc. I might have needed to hear that more than I had expected. And please know that you are very dear to me as well. Staying here might pose a problem at some point, however. We can’t live in this house forever, no? It might be time to look for a more permanent place then…” he mused.

Hercules sighed softly.

“I’m pretty sure that Eliza and Alexander beg to differ but I agree with you, it might be better to look for another space sooner rather than later, as much as I enjoy a home full of people, love and laughter. By the time the child is born, I’m sure they will need the space, if only for Eliza’s sisters to stay over to help her. We should address that with John and our gracious hosts tomorrow.”

“Somehow I have the feeling that John won’t like that idea…” Laf sighed and sank back into the pillow, pulling his blanket up around his ears.

“Oh undoubtedly… he’ll see reason though, I’m sure…” the tailor said and mirrored his friend’s movements. “Sleep well now, my friend.”

“Bonne nuit, mon ami!” Lafayette whispered back, apparently already halfway to dreamland, now that Hercules had lightened the burden some with his words.

~*~

“Oh please, don’t feel like you need to leave on my account. Truthfully, I enjoy having you all around, the house had been way too quiet while I was alone.”

Eliza surprised all the men with her emphatic reaction to Lafayette and Hercules’ idea. They had expected something of an argument but certainly not that Eliza would be the loudest voice against their move.

“But… ma chère Eliza, wouldn’t you rather like to have your sisters close to you by the time the child is born? I feel like we would take up the necessary space for that.” The Frenchman cautiously asked, not noticing the grin playing over Alexander’s lips and the wide eyes of John at his statement.

Eliza however just tilted her head slightly, smiling kindly at her friend.

“I appreciate your concern and despite true that I will want to have my sisters around in the early days, I can’t help but wonder… what makes you think, you men could be less helpful in the care for the child? I’m sure our son would grow up happy with this many role models close by. Or is it, my friend, that you rather think child care solely to be a woman’s duty?” challengingly she raised an eyebrow, looking at Lafayette unblinkingly.

The Frenchman blinked, swallowed and looked for help from his friends, he couldn’t help but feel a pearl of sweat running down his neck.

“No… mon dieu, no, that’s not what I meant at all… I just… err…” Laf stuttered helplessly, completely embarrassed.

Alex watched Lafayette fumble a little bit longer before he took pity on his friend.

“Calm yourself, my friend, my darling wife is just messing with you. I’m sure we all understood what you meant by your words. It’s not like you plan to move to another state, right? You’ll still be in the city and visit as often as possible, our house will always be open to all of you.” At his last words he gave John a small smile.

“Exactly! And it’s not like we mean to move away immediately, finding affordable accommodations certainly will take a bit of time. We just felt that it’s time to actually start looking. Quite honestly, I wouldn’t be averse to staying in the same neighbourhood if possible.” Hercules nodded vigorously to Alexander’s statement to help Laf out of the trouble he talked himself into. “Until then, and of course afterwards as well, we’ll be happy to help with whatever you need, Eliza. And to make that clear, not because anyone of us thinks that you need any help because you’re a woman but definitely because you are pregnant and need to take care of yourself and deserve to be taken care of for being such an amazing human being.” He added quickly, eliciting a small, high-pitched laugh from the woman which she quickly hid behind her hand.

“Thank you, Hercules, I appreciate that a lot.” She grinned brightly.

“So, that’s decided then? We’ll go looking for our own spaces? Or did you plan on moving in together? That might be a good idea to safe money but then we need a bigger place and that’ll be harder to come by again…” John rambled on, a frown deep on his face as he pondered the logistics of his friend’s suggestion. Not that he was all that thrilled with leaving Alex’ home but he was conscious enough of the public to know that them staying there while Alexander was sick and recovering would be socially accepted without issue but if they stayed much longer, especially when the young family welcomes their first child into the world, that would raise more questions.

“Actually, we haven’t really talked about that, I guess that’s for us to figure out now…” Lafayette said, back to his confident self, now that the previous subject had been dropped.

“Well, how about I’ll prepare some strong coffee for you men and you’ll discuss that properly.” Eliza got to her feet and clapped her hands together, cheering herself on for her task.


	17. Welcome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!

The mood in the Hamilton house-hold’s living room was tense as a spring and it was quiet, other than the soft creaking of the wooden floor under Alexander’s feet as he was nervously pacing the length of the room. John, Lafayette and Hercules watched him with varying degrees of concern although they too were on edge.

It had been a few weeks since Laf had suggested looking for their own house. And although all of them valued their privacy, neither of them really wanted to live alone and they soon agreed on a small house only three streets from Alexander and Eliza’s home which made all of them happy and led to practically daily visits.

Visits just like today, except… not at all. The moment they arrived, the three soldiers had been instantly on-guard on finding the door unlocked and nobody answering their call.

The mystery had been solved soon after entering the house when a loud, pained groan emanated from upstairs and John almost at the same time found Alexander in the living room, curled up on his armchair on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

The freckled man quickly had gathered the shivering man in his arms to calm him down and it took a few minutes until the three friends had connected the dots that Eliza apparently had gone into labour in the early hours of the morning, thoroughly scaring Alexander, who was pretty traumatised by the death of his mother still, with a yell of pain that came and went with no way for him to help at all. Luckily for him, Angelica had arrived only two days prior. She had quickly taken charge of the situation and unceremoniously proceeded to kick Alexander out with clear instructions: to send the already prepared letter to Eliza’s midwife, to leave the door unlocked for her and to keep himself out of the way.

That had been several hours before and now all four men were waiting anxiously for the baby to be born.

Alexander had started the pacing around the time when Eliza’s screams had become more and more frequent and he couldn’t take sitting still anymore.

John, who was the only one present who knew the whole story around that baby, wished he could help Alex but stayed away for now. Some mental battles needed to be won on your own and what his lover was experiencing now surely was such a battle. He had opted to nervously nibbling on his own fingernails, only marginally calmer than Alexander.

Another, even louder, yell made them all look up and towards the door, especially at the eerie silence that followed. It didn’t last too long though when only shortly after the unmistakable cry of a new-born life resonated through the house.

Lafayette and Hercules looked up at Alexander, both grinning brightly.

“Congratulations, my friend!” Herc simply said.

Alexander didn’t really react to the words. He had turned very pale at the sound, stayed rooted to the spot.

John immediately was by his side in case his legs started to give out under him from shock.

They stayed only a short while like that until Angelica entered the room, a small bundle of blankets in her arms and an exhausted but joyful smile on her lips as she went directly to Alexander.

“Hey there brother, may I introduce you to your son, a properly healthy baby-boy by the name of Philip Hamilton.” She said softly, gently placing the bundle in Alexander’s arms.

The moment the young Caribbean laid eyes on the child, he was gone. Tears streamed down his face as he watched the tiny human being in his arms.

“Hey Philip, I’m your father… and I will love and protect you until the very end.” Alexander whispered silently, pressing his lips slightly against the baby’s forehead.

Eliza and him had decided on the name quickly and without much discussion, the legacy of Philip’s brave father would live on with the baby while the rest of the world would assume that they had chosen the name in honour of Eliza’s father.

It took the new father a moment to look up again but quickly found the fond gaze of his sister-in law.

“Eliza?” he simply asked, still choked by emotion.

“She’s well but thoroughly exhausted, let’s give her a moment to gather her strength, then you can see her.” Angelica said.

“Thank you! For everything.” Alex murmured, stepping away from John for a second and pressed a grateful kiss against Angelica’s temple. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“My dear, you barely did anything at all. But that’s perfectly alright, that’s what I’m here for anyway.” She chuckled and left the men alone for a moment to clean herself up a little.

Alexander just stood there, looking at the tiny child in his arms in wonder, smiling at the sleepy, bright eyes. Only the sound of someone shifting on the sofa startled him back to reality and the fact that he wasn’t alone in the room.

With wide eyes and a blinding grin, he turned to his friends, stepped closer.

“Guys… I’m a dad…” he just said, making the other three laugh at his uncommon lack of words.

“That you are, mon ami, that you are…” Lafayette smiled, quickly got to his feet, followed by Hercules who came closer as well to take a better look at the baby.

“Well, I dare say, he might have your nose, Hammy but otherwise he got lucky…” Hercules chuckled.

Alex chuckled as well, sharing a quick look with John next to him at the words, since they both knew that this child most certainly had nothing from Alexander.

John curled one arm tightly around his lover’s waist, kissing the top of his hair quickly.

“Whatever, I declare this baby, my godson, the most adorable and most precious child to ever be born.” He leaned a little closer to the child, gently stroking a finger over Philip’s small hand which the baby immediately took hold of.

“Hello Philip, I’m John, your godfather. And those two giants are your other uncles, Lafayette and Hercules.”

“Welcome into the world, petit monsieur Philip.” Lafayette greeted the baby as well, trailing his fingertips over the soft baby hair.

“Yeah, you’ll probably be the best protected kid around…” Hercules murmured, chuckled softly when Philip answered all their words with one big yawn. “And it seems he has the same patience for other people talking as his father.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad, I’m a good listener if I want to be but he’s just tiny and needs lots of sleep to grow.” Alexander immediately went on the defensive, pouting slightly.

“Hush, we know that, Herc was just kidding, don’t let your frazzled nerves get to you. How about we see if we can make ourselves useful and whip up something to eat and you go and check on Eliza.” John quickly interrupted the brewing argument, squeezing Alex’ middle a bit.

The Caribbean looked up at his lover, regaining his calm again from seeing John’s love in his bright blue eyes and nodded, leaving without another word.

“Phew… touchy… thanks, John.” Hercules grinned sheepishly, patting John’s shoulder.

“Don’t mention it, he’s just… well, emotional from the stress. Let’s go to the kitchen, as much as I hate to admit it but you *are* the best cook out of us three, so you’ll take the lead now.” John grinned back.

~*~

The door to the bedroom was wide open when he got upstairs and Alexander paused for a moment in the doorway. Eliza had her eyes closed, her hair fanned out around her in sweaty little curls, the exhaustion of childbirth visible but she also was radiating love and pride.

Softly he knocked on the wood to let her know that someone was coming in. The midwife apparently had already taken her leave again, in and out like a ghost, every bit the efficient professional Eliza had told him she was.

Tiredly his wife opened her eyes and looked at him.

“Hey…” she whispered.

“Hey yourself…” Alex replied, shyly stepping close and sitting down on the edge of the bed, cradling the now sleeping Philip in a way that she could look at him as well. “How are you feeling?”

“Exhausted… happy… and sad…” she murmured, taking her time to analyse her own feelings. The moment she acknowledged the sadness, tears gathered in her eyes and spilled over in quick succession.

“I wish he could have been here, Alexander. I wish he would have had a chance to meet his son, I miss him so much…” she sobbed softly.

Without hesitation Alexander pulled her close, hugging her to his side the best he could in his position and with the baby in his arms.

“Shh… I know, I know… he would have deserved to meet him and he would have been so proud of both of you, I’m certain because I know I am, Eliza. I’m so proud of you and Philip. You are the strongest woman I had the pleasure to meet in my life after my mother.” Gently he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“He has his eyes…” she whispered, “…they are just the same, big and bright like the ones I fell for from the moment I looked into them.” She continued on, slowly calming again, her sobs turning into occasional sniffles.

“That’s good, you will have his eyes in your heart and in your life then. My dearest wife, I wish I could do more but sadly changing what has been done is beyond even my capability. But I promised you before and I’ll do it again, I will do anything for you two. And I love you both!”

“Thank you, I really don’t know how I will ever be able to repay you…” the brown-haired woman sighed softly.

“Hush, you gave me a son I never even dared to dream to have and you welcomed my John into our home and your heart without hesitation in spite of the risks that brought. For me there’s nothing more to repay.” Alexander repeated what he surely had told her before but would continue to tell her as often as she needed him to. In his opinion, his debt to her was the larger one but he refrained from saying that out loud.

~*~

Some time later, when they all had eaten and Eliza had retired back to bed, together with Philip and Angelica, Lafayette, Hercules and John got ready to leave as well. They wanted to give the new family some space after all.

At the door, Alexander called John back.

“Would you do me a favour?” He whispered softly.

John nodded unhesitatingly.

“Anything. What do you need?”

“Can you check the register? Look for a soldier by the name of Benjamin Davis, see if you can find out what happened to him and if -and I hope so- he’s still alive, where he lives now. He’s the only connection Eliza has to Philip’s father and I think he deserves to know about Philip.” Alex explained.

“Of course, I’ll get right on it, don’t worry about that.” John winked at him with a smile, gently squeezing Alexander’s shoulder before he too left the house.

~*~

>Major Davis,

I’d like to start this letter off by extending my heartfelt gratitude for your brave service during the war.

I’m writing to you on behalf of Mrs Elizabeth Schuyler Hamilton without her knowledge. My wife has recently given birth to our son Philip and as one of the very few privy to the rather unique events that preceded our marriage, I’m convinced that my Eliza would be pleased to see you again to share the happy circumstance with a friend, as short-lived as the acquaintance might have been.

Gladly I’d like to welcome you in our home whenever you are available.

-Sincerely, Major General Alexander Hamilton<

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, a child was born on Christmas Day... it's almost as if I planned it but I honestly didn't, that was quite the happy accident.


	18. The Nation calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Boxing Day~
> 
> From here on in some things are set in motion and I feel the need to put a disclaimer before all that.  
> I have literally no idea about politics, much less historic American politics, so my improbable narrative will turn even more so because I simplified things, ignored things and pretty much made my world the way I wanted and needed it. So if, for whatever reason, you're hoping for historically correct politics and decision making, let me just say, sorry, no can do.
> 
> Other than than that, the musical timeline is a bit accelerated here and for the sake of story telling, we'll assume Alex and Burr both finished their law studies before the war began instead of after. That won't be an important info until much later but yeah...  
> Please enjoy~

>Alexander,

Congratulations on the birth of your son!

I’m truly happy for you.

There are, however, some things I’d like to discuss with you and your trusted friends, who I hear have settled down quite close to you.

I plan to travel to New York shortly and inquire of you the information when a visit would be best welcome.

I’m awaiting your answer.

-George Washington<

~*~

Alexander anxiously went from room to room, checking for the umpteenth time if everything was in order for the visit of his commander-in-chief, even though their ranks didn’t carry the same meaning anymore as they did during the war.

“Alexander, my dear, please calm down, you are making all of us nervous with your restlessness.” Eliza pleaded with him while desperately trying to calm a similarly fussy Philip down. She had fed him only a moment before, she had followed all the instructions of her midwife and sister but for some reason, her son became fussy every time anyway.

Hercules, apparently the only relaxed one in the room, got to his feet with an exasperated shake of his head, very gently took the infant from Eliza’s arms and unceremoniously pushed him into Alexander’s.

“If you insist on being all jittery and having extra energy, do something useful and give your wife a moment of rest.” He scolded slightly. It didn’t take a lot, for Alexander always, without fail, melted the moment Philip was in his arms. It did help that the child tended to calm down rather quickly the moment he was gently being rocked in his father’s arms as well.

When there was a loud knock on the door just when Philip seemed to have dozed off, Alexander was torn for a split-second between handing the child over to Eliza but letting his commanding officer wait or open the door straight away but not being able to greet him properly.

The immediate whine from the child when the young father tried to adjust his hold, made up Alexander’s mind.

Carefully he opened the door wide for Washington.

“General!” Alexander greeted as respectfully as he was able to with the new-born in his arms.

Washington took a moment to observe, his features softening and a smile brightening his face.

“It’s good to see you again, Hamilton. You look well, marriage and fatherhood seem to agree with you.” He commented, one hand affectionately resting on Alexander’s neck and his usually strong voice that could easily carry over large fields, barely above a whisper when he had seen the sleeping child.

“Thank you, please do come in. We’ve been expecting you; the others are waiting in the living room.” The Caribbean closed the door and led the way.

The moment Washington entered the living room, the three men stood to attention quickly while Eliza got to her feet more slowly.

“At ease boys, we’re not at camp anymore, there’s no need for all this.” He laughed gently, watching them all relax marginally. Before he went to greet the men, he turned to Eliza.

“Mrs Hamilton, it’s a pleasure to meet you again. On my word, you’re becoming even more beautiful every time.” He bowed his head respectfully, pressing a kiss to the knuckles of her hand.

“The pleasure is all mine, General.” She replied, a soft blush tinting her cheeks at the charming words of the older man.

He moved on to Lafayette, who stood next to Eliza, and greeted him with a tight handshake and a fond pat on the shoulder, as he did with John and Hercules afterwards.

In the meantime, Eliza went to Alexander’s side and carefully took Philip from his arms again without waking the sleeping baby.

“I’ll leave you men to your business then, please do call if you need anything.” She said and Alex gratefully pecked her on the cheek.

“Thanks dear, we will. But please do not hesitate to do the same if you need help with anything.” He whispered in her ear, softly stroking Philip’s cheek once more before she left the room.

John had watched the interaction with a soft smile. With anyone else, he might have been jealous but not with Eliza, he had come to love the woman in his own way far quicker than he had expected even himself and would do just about anything for her, right next to Alexander.

Finally, he turned his gaze back to Washington when they all settled in their seats again.

“General, you mentioned in your letter that you have things to discuss with all of us, what is this about, is there going to be a special assignment?” Hamilton finally broke the silence, too anxious to wait much longer.

“You could say that, yes. I’m sure all of you have followed the developments since the war ended and now it’s been decided that the people apparently want me to lead them. I am to be the first President of our free nation. It is quite a daunting task to say the least and I fear I’m not suited for the job but I won’t deny the call if that’s what the people want. I do require the help of men I can trust beyond the shadow of a doubt though. Men who aren’t afraid to call me out on my behaviour if need be. In other words, I need all of you if possible. And please don’t feel obligated to accept the offer, it’s a big decision and you have to consider it carefully. I won’t hold it against any of you if you decide to decline.” Washington explained.

Alexander shared a quick look with his friends before returning his gaze to his former commanding officer and soon-to-be President.

“I can only speak for myself, but for me it’s less a question of ‘if’ and more of ‘what position’. Treasury or State department, Sir?”

The young Caribbean asked and even in front of his friends betraying for the first time how far ahead he had already been planning. Not that either of them had been surprised at all.

Washington, despite knowing Alexander’s way of working and thinking well, was stunned speechless for a moment.

He took a deep breath before answering.

“Treasury, actually. I know you have quite a deep knowledge on the matter and I think you could help our country grow. Furthermore, the State department will be taken by someone else, should he accept the invitation. I haven’t met the man yet but I was assured that he would be perfect for the position. Anyway, what about you three?” he turned his eyes on the remaining men in the room.

“Sir, I’m honoured by your request but I have to respectfully decline. I’m no politician, Sir and I doubt I would be the right person for any job you might have in mind for me. I’d rather remain in the background of things.” Hercules spoke up quickly, surprising them all except Lafayette who laid a supporting hand on his friend’s back.

“Mr Mulligan, I respect your decision. I do think you would have done good things but I can see that you have given this issue some thought already and I won’t try to change your mind. I do thank you anyway.” Washington said, nodding at the man.

“You can count on me, mon General. I’d be honoured to continue my service under your command, be it as General or President. Name the task and it shall be done.” Lafayette declared easily and Hercules next to him could almost feel the relief radiating from him at being given a purpose just like he had promised him. It didn’t matter that Laf had no idea yet what the job would entail.

John’s gaze had hardened a little, turned more serious than ever.

“Where they go, I go, be it in war or peace. Furthermore, I think achieving freedom for *all* will be easier from inside than out.” He added matter-of-factly, daring Washington to object. John’s passion for ending slavery had never been a secret after all, there was no chance that the General wouldn’t know what he was implying.

“Indeed, Mr Laurens, I agree. I’m…” Washington broke off to search for the right wording. “…personally, of two minds about this, as you know very well, but I’m convinced that there will be a solution for the matter and you might be the key to finding it.” The older man admitted.

“Well, that settles it then, three out of four… to be quite honest, this is an even better outcome than I had dared to hope for, boys. I’m truly thankful to be working with men of such loyalty and integrity.”

“To be frank, Sir, if you really doubted this outcome, I’m asking myself if you really know us.” Alexander replied cheekily.

“When do we start work?” he added.

Washington regarded the young Caribbean with am unimpressed look and shook his head.

“Soon, Hamilton but don’t get ahead of yourself already. The Cabinet we are going to establish will need a bit more time and all of you will receive official invites when everything has been finalized.” The General explained. “In the meantime, I advise you to use the time with your family wisely, there is a lot of work to be done.”

They all nodded in understanding.

“Who is this guy who’s going to be Secretary of State?” John asked, out of pure curiosity, wondering if it might be someone he would know.

“A young man whose reputation precedes him for being the prime author of the Declaration of Independence. Thomas Jefferson is his name and he’s set to return from France shortly where he’s been the ambassador for us these past years.”

The young men all shared a shrug. Of course they had heard of the author of the Declaration since it’s such an important document but neither of them knew anything beyond that. Neither of them but Lafayette who visibly perked up at the name.

“Thomas is coming back?” he asked, sounding quite surprised.

“You know the guy?” Hercules asked, sounding equally surprised since he’d thought he knew most of Laf’s acquaintances.

“I wouldn’t actually call it ‘knowing’ but in his capacity as ambassador to France, I had a few dealings with him in correspondence. I’ve never met him in person. But the last thing I heard was that he quite liked his life in Paris and I just assumed that he would choose to stay there.” Lafayette told them. “Ah, maybe the political situation has changed his mind… anyway, I got the impression that he was a smart man who has a way with words. I rather think that he might be a good match for Alexander in the debates that will undoubtedly take place. I, for one, look forward to meeting him in person.”

“That’s generally the consensus about Mr Jefferson, no matter who I spoke to about him. I’ll trust your instincts then, Lafayette. Even better, it’s going to make our Cabinet even stronger.” Washington said, a thoughtful expression on his face but didn’t get much further when an unhappy scream shattered their business atmosphere.

“Oh oh… the little man sounds upset, please excuse me a minute.” Alexander got to his feet before anyone else could protest.

In the hallway Eliza met him halfway, an apologetic shadow in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Alexander, I’ve tried to keep him calm but you know how he gets. I hope we didn’t interrupt anything important.”

“Don’t worry about it, my love, I think the most important things have already been discussed and I did tell you for a reason to call if you need assistance. I *want* to be there for you.” He placed a gentle hand on her cheek, smiled at the way Eliza leant into the touch exhaustedly.

“Why don’t I take Philip and you lie down for a bit, I have a feeling you could use it.”

Eliza hesitated for just a moment, didn’t want to stand in Alexander’s way but finally relented.

“Alright, he’s fed and I put him in fresh swaddling clothes, so it shouldn’t be any physical discomfort that’s bothering him. I think he just wants your attention for a while.”

Carefully, Alexander picked the child up and cradled him against his chest.

“Thank you, dear. Go and get some rest, if it’s attention he wants, attention he shall have.” With a grin he pressed a kiss against Philip’s nose which made the baby first scrunch his face up and then laugh.

*

As Alexander returned into the living room, all eyes turned to him and matching, bright smiles lit up the faces of the three younger men when they noticed the bundle in Alexander’s arms.

Washington observed his former aide-de camp carefully once again, he couldn’t help but notice that something had changed in the young man since he had last seen him. He just couldn’t say if it had been his last brush with death or the birth of his son, although his gut instinct pointed to the latter. Whatever it was, it made Alexander’s tragedy hardened and driven disposition softer around the edges. Washington still was quite sure that if left to his own devices, the young man would put his work above even his own basic needs but with this small being now dependant on him, there might just be a chance that Alexander would learn to take breaks and look after himself at last.

And that was a good thing, especially considering the long and hard path before them that was building the foundation of their country.


	19. Closure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's for Eliza~  
> Regular Sunday update, back to normal schedule again now.

“Eliza? Where are you, dear?” Alexander called out from the front door, where he just had received a message.

“Upstairs. I’ll be down in a minute.” His wife called back and true to her words, he heard her soft steps on the stairs only a moment later.

“What is it? It sounded kind of urgent?” she asked and Alexander marvelled at Eliza’s ability to pick up on nuances in his voice, that even his closest friends had trouble noticing at times.

“Well, it is in a way. I just wanted to warn you that we’ll be having a guest today. I just got a message and he will come over in about an hour.” The Caribbean explained with a mysterious smile.

“Oh, you didn’t mention inviting anyone. But it’s no trouble, I’ll just prepare a little something then. Who’s the guest? Do I know him?”

Eliza was confused, usually, even if it was the guys coming over, Alexander gave a little more than an hour warning.

“You do know him but I’d rather not tell you now, dear. It’s a bit of a surprise for you, actually. You’ll see but I think you’ll be pleased.”

“You are the worst, Alexander. Giving me all these hints without telling me anything concrete.” Eliza smiled fondly. “I do trust you, however, so I’ll just have to wait patiently now.” She added.

“Ah, alas, I have heard that one before, my love.” Alex chuckled, curling an arm around her. “Is Philip sleeping?”

“He is, for now… I’m sure he’ll be awake soon enough again, I better make good use of the time, then.” She sighed, seemingly perpetually exhausted ever since the baby had been born, no matter how much Alexander tried to help. He really wanted to give Eliza a break, for her to stop worrying for a bit and really sleep or something but as long as Philip was dependant on her for milk, the man feared that he could just stand aside and hope the young mother wouldn’t collapse.

“You do what you have to do, if he cries I’ll go up and look after him.” He settled on, at least in that way he could be helpful.

~*~

With military punctuality, exactly an hour later there was a knock on the door and Alexander went to get it, with a little nervousness in his stomach.

He hadn’t had much contact with the soldier before and from the few letters they had exchanged, he couldn’t really know how the man was feeling about the whole thing. Although the fact that he had agreed to come probably should tell him a thing or two.

Eliza was in the living room with Philip, waiting as patiently as she could for this surprise visitor.

“Major Davis!” Alexander greeted the man upon opening the door.

The soldier in front of him looked about the same age as Alexander and yet he looked at the smaller man with wide and awed eyes.

“Major General Hamilton. It’s an honour, Sir. I’ve heard so much about you during the war already. I can’t tell you how surprised I was when I first got your message.” The man saluted and stood straight in front of Alex and quickly the Caribbean knew why Washington always was so quick to dismiss him and the others when they stood at attention in front of him. It really felt a little strange outside of the war.

“At ease, Major. Please do come in. I’m glad you decided to take me up on the invitation. Eliza is already waiting. I admit, I haven’t told her who is coming, I wanted it to be a surprise.” He said, closing the door behind his guest and led him towards the living room.

“Eliza, our guest has arrived.” He called out to his wife as he opened the door.

“Please do come in, Major.” He gestured the other inside and watched over the taller man’s shoulder Eliza’s expression when she looked up and recognition spread over her features, quickly followed by tears gathering in her eyes.

“Benjamin…” she breathed out and got to her feet.

“Eliza, my dear friend. It’s good to see you again. I’m so, so sorry! If I could have changed places with Philip I would have done so in a heartbeat!”

“I know, I know you would have and oh, Philip would have lost his mind if he had lost you, my friend.” Eliza whispered, tears spilling over.

The two had met in the middle of the room, grabbing each other’s hands tightly between them.

“Don’t feel burdened by guilt, Benjamin, I wish it had been different but Philip died for what he believed in and there is no shame in that.” Eliza uttered.

“She is right, you know?” Alexander said quietly from where he leaned in the doorway, arms crossed in front of his chest, observing the scene in front of him.

It was then that the soldier remembered where he was, rapidly looking back at the man of the house and letting go of Eliza’s hands, taking a slight step back.

“I apologize, Major General, this, as honest and heartfelt as it was, was highly inappropriate of me.”

Alex shared a quick look with his wife, as he stepped inside the room, his hands out front in a placating gesture.

“Don’t apologize on my account, Major. This is between you and Eliza, I assure you I’m not taking offence at anything you could say or do. My wife has my full trust. In fact, I asked you here for this very reason. Both of you are in need of at least some kind of closure and that is a truly hard thing to come by during war times and yet you two are in the lucky position to achieve just that, at least to some extent.” Alexander patted Benjamin’s shoulder, resting the other at Eliza’s back.

“Listen to her. I’ve read the report, Captain Cunningham’s actions have been nothing but honourable, if anything it would be a disservice to him if you were to burden yourself with guilt instead of remembering him with pride. His memory lives on if only in the knowledge of a select few and *that* will give you closure.” Alexander explained softly, graciously ignoring the tears that had started to streak down the other man’s face.

He pressed his lips softly against Eliza’s temple and whispered:

“Show him…”

The dark-haired woman nodded and stepped away, gathering up the small bundle from the cradle in the corner and bringing him back to the two men.

“Benjamin, meet Philip.” She whispered with a bright smile on her tear-stained face, trailing a gentle finger over the boy’s cheek who sleepily opened his eyes, blubbering unintelligibly.

“Dear god…” the taller man, gasped, eyes wide and tearing up once more. “He has his eyes… I can’t believe it…” Benjamin looked back at Alexander. “Sir, when you’ve mentioned the name of your son in your letter, I had thought you had chosen it in commemoration of both our dear friend. I never even dared to hope…” he murmured in a choked tone.

Alexander gave him a soft smile.

“I know, Major Davis. That’s why I asked you to come, so you could find closure in the knowledge that your friend died an honourable death but his legacy will live on.” He looked at Eliza with the same smile.

“I will give you three a minute…” he finally decided and left the living room to busy himself in his study for a while. There was work to be done after all.

~*~

“Do you want to hold him?” Eliza asked after a moment of silence when Alexander had left them.

Still stunned by what he just learned, the soldier nodded, carefully curling his arms around the infant, cradling him protectively.

“Hello Philip…” he whispered. “You truly are a miracle and the longer I look at you the more resemblance I see to your father. I’m sure you’ll grow up to be just as brave as he was, especially with such compassionate parents in your life.” He continued, rocking the child gently. “And when the time comes and you’ll let me, I’ll tell you everything about the man who had to leave too soon.”

“I’m sure he will appreciate that, Benjamin. I fear it might be a while until then but I do hope that you’ll agree to stay in his life until then.” Eliza murmured silently, watching Philip’s eyes drift shut again.

“I’d love nothing more, my friend.” The man beamed, directing his gaze more closely on Eliza. “Are you doing okay?” he asked, voice drenched in concern.

“I would be lying if I said that I couldn’t be better but I was truly lucky. I’m doing as well as I could have hoped for under the circumstances.”

“And Major General Hamilton… does he…” he swallowed thickly. “… I know it’s none of my business but… is he good to you? From what I heard I assume he knows everything?”

Eliza smiled brightly.

“Don’t worry about me, Benjamin. My Alexander is the best husband I could wish for in my situation. He takes good care of me and more importantly, Philip turned into the centre of his universe from the moment he first laid eyes on him. That’s all I really needed. He knows and he helped me keep my dignity when lesser men might have shunned me. But not Alexander, he looked at me and saw right through me and did what it took to protect me.”

Benjamin nodded in understanding, glad that this wonderful woman he had the pleasure to meet by pure chance, hadn’t lost a good life because fate had been cruel.

“I’m happy for you. I’ve heard a lot about him during the war but it all fits to the description.”

“And you? How are you doing since the war was won?” she led the man to the crib in the corner where Benjamin slowly put Philip down.

“I’m doing alright for myself I think. It hasn’t been long since I left my unit. I’ve been helping with the aftermath. Believe it or not, I had been a mason before I joined the Army and there is luckily no shortage of work right now, so yeah… I’m doing alright for myself. And…” he huffed gently, blushing a soft pink.

“And?” Eliza prodded, a smile curling on her lips as she had a suspicion what he was about to say.

“While my unit had been working on the worst of the clean up where the British cannons had hit, I met someone… a lovely woman with a big heart like yourself. She’s actually the reason why I left my unit in the end because they had to move on and I didn’t want to leave, so I stayed… we’ve been courting ever since…” he explained, an absentminded smile on his face.

Eliza laid her hand on his arm and squeezed gently.

“I’m happy for you and I wish you all the best, Benjamin. You deserve the happiness.”

*

When their guest left after a while, Eliza curled her arms around Alexander, hugging him tightly.

“Thank you, Alexander. I really can’t tell you how much this meant to me!”

The Caribbean just huffed and pressed his lips on her hair.

“Anything for you, my dear!”


	20. A gentle push

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!  
> Please do enjoy~

“Guys, could you read over this real quick? I’ve been working on this for a while now and I’d like to know what you think. I want to have it as perfect as it can be by the time the Cabinet meetings start.” Alexander called from the study where he was scribbling furiously on a paper.

“Mon ami, seriously, is that really of importance right now? Washington expects us soon and you’re not even dressed properly yet!” Lafayette sighed from the doorway to the study, absentmindedly fiddling with his cravat.

“Yeah, he’s right, you know? I mean I’d love to read your plan but this thing has about three hundred pages or something, there won’t be anything ‘quick’ about this, even for us. We can go over this tomorrow or something, now come on…” John sighed as well but pushed his way into the study and physically wrangled the quill from Alexander’s hands. “Get dressed. I know Hercules has outdone himself with your frock and I can’t wait to see you in it.” He whispered in the Caribbean’s ear, his tone loving and with a hint of suggestiveness.

Alexander looked up, with slightly widened eyes.

“Yeah, alright, I’m going…” he said, pressing his lips to John’s cheek as he got to his feet.

A few weeks had passed since Washington had asked them all to be part of his Cabinet and although there still was no official invitation for the first Cabinet meeting, their first President had invited the three of them to a small celebration in honour of Thomas Jefferson’s return to America.

Eliza had taken that occasion to go visit her father together with Philip, Angelica and Peggy, leaving Alexander to his own devices which in turn had resulted in a bit of a relapse into his bad habits of working too much and eating and sleeping too little until his three friends got on his case for that. And that just might have been Eliza’s plan all along if Alexander took just a minute to think about the whole scenario.

~*~

_ A few days before Washington’s invitation arrived… _

_“Alexander…” Eliza said softly from her place on the living room sofa but got no response._

_Her husband was slowly pacing the length of the room, gently rocking his son in his arms, keeping up a stream of muttered words to the child that not even Eliza caught._

_“Alexander!” she called a little louder and promptly startled the man, which led to an unhappy noise from the baby because of a sudden jerk in the rocking._

_“What is it?” Alex asked, a little confused when he realised that there wasn’t an obvious reason for the interruption._

_“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you… I’ve just been thinking for a while now…” She broke off, suddenly unsure how to bring up the topic that had been weighing on her for quite a while now._

_The man sensed that whatever it was, it apparently was something close to Eliza’s heart. He made his way to her and sat down on the sofa, never stopping the gentle rocking motion because Pip was so close to falling asleep and that was something quite hard to achieve at the moment._

_“What is it, dear? You can tell me; you know I’d try to do anything for you.” He gently coaxed the issue from his wife._

_To his immense surprise, Eliza laughed softly, laying her hand on Alexander’s arm._

_“Oh I know, my dear. You’ve done so much for me already and it’s really not that. It’s quite the opposite actually, I’ve been thinking and well… I think it’s time you take care of yourself a bit more. I mean, I appreciate your help and how you adore Philip but even before he was born… I mean… how to put this delicately…”_

_Alexander frowned. His Eliza wasn’t usually one for beating around the bush, at least not with him. Was she trying to tell him that he was doing *too much*?_

_“Just say it as it is, Eliza. I can take it.” He finally said, unconsciously squeezing Philip a little tighter to his chest._

_She fixed him with a calculating gaze._

_“When was the last time you and John had some time to yourselves?” she asked bluntly._

_Alex would deny it to his dying day, but he did squeak in surprise at that question._

_“We… uh… well… it’s…” he swallowed, got to his feet to put Philip in his crib to buy himself some time. “It’s… been a while?” he mumbled finally._

_Eliza raised an unimpressed eyebrow and crossed her arms in front of her chest._

_“You don’t say…”_

_“Okay, fine… I think the last time might have been when I apologized to him after I was sick… since then it’s been a little complicated between all of them being here and then, suddenly, they’re not anymore and then Philip…” Alexander defended himself and Eliza couldn’t take it anymore. She got to her feet and gently cupped his cheeks in her hands._

_“This is ridiculous, my dear.” She sighed and waited until she could properly meet his downcast gaze. “Don’t you want to spend time with your lover? You could have asked, you know? I could have easily gone out for a walk or something, it wouldn’t have been any trouble. The people in this house know and honour your secret, nobody would have been mad if you had asked for just a moment alone.”_

_“I know… and yet it still felt wrong in a way… and we’re not used to having time to ourselves anyway. We had to be so careful that the only semi-regular thing was sharing the bed and warmth a few hours a night and then still Laf and Hercules were inside the tent as well… it’s a hard habit to break, especially since the danger is still imminent.” Alexander explained, his voice sounding a little defeated._

_“Being careful is a good thing, love but being shown love and affection is needed in a relationship. You love John and John loves you, take the freedom of living that in your own home where your friends are on your side instead of submitting to the oppression of social conventions that bind you everywhere else. “_

~*~

Despite John and the others taking it upon themselves to make sure that Alexander wouldn’t die of starvation and sleep deprivation while being alone in his house, it hadn’t occurred to John to just stay at the house, too used to exactly the same thoughts the Caribbean had tried to explain to Eliza. And Alexander had yet to muster the nerve to ask John to stay.

In a way it was ridiculous how little they acted like being in love although both of them had a burning longing inside their hearts for the other. Fear for your loved one’s life truly was a crippling thing.

But Alex had resolved to invite John to stay after the celebration and that thought alone helped him through a big part of the actual festivities.

Thomas Jefferson acted like, for lack of a better description, a pompous ass and made the hair on the back of Alexander’s neck prickle uncomfortably. He reeked of money and entitlement which were all things the young Caribbean couldn’t stand, being someone who had to fight tooth and nail and work twice as hard as anyone else to get where he was now.

He had written the Declaration of Independence, however, what showed intelligence and a great ability with words, things he would have valued usually if only Jefferson’s opinions weren’t as crappy as they were.

At some point during the evening, Alexander was very much tempted to start a fight or throw his glass of wine in the man’s face but got held back by John. Lafayette, although he too found some of the things Thomas said troubling if not offensive, was able to strike up a light and easy conversation with the man, talking about the things they had accomplished together with only written letters to do so and the soon to be Secretary of State telling Laf about the situation in Paris.

“I doubt I will ever be able to work with this arrogant piece of shit, just look at him in his purple get-up.” Alex seethed and John chuckled.

“Magenta, actually and that’s kind of rich coming from the man who wanted a suit in a rather flashy poison green if Hercules hadn’t talked you out of it. I do agree though, it won’t be an easy feat but hey, benefit of the doubt, right? Maybe there’s a reasonable politician under all the velvet fabric. I don’t like him any more than you do but I know Southerners and you need to be smart about this, Alex. Don’t go antagonizing him from the start or he will throw huge rocks in your way whatever you’re trying to achieve just to prove he can. Men like him are petty and you won’t get anything done by the time the actual governing starts.” John whispers quickly in the other man’s ear, one hand curled around Alex’ upper arm, not exactly tight but enough to hold him back again if need be.

The Caribbean wrinkled his nose in disgust but deflated a little the longer John talked. Being from the South himself, especially being the son of a man like his father, John Laurens certainly knew what he was talking about.

“In my defence, I really liked that green colour but I admit it would have made for a rather… inappropriate suit. I’m glad Hercules sacrificed his free-time to make this one for me.” Both men glanced at the understated, grey garment that fit Alexander like a glove.

“So, what do you advise me to do if I shouldn’t fight Jefferson?”

“Ah, it might be easier said than done but I get the feeling with him it might just be your best bet to live by the saying ‘keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer’.” John murmured, looking back to Jefferson who was still animatedly talking to Lafayette. “And I think our French ami might be a big help with that once again.”

Alexander took a deep breath.

“God, I don’t know if I can ‘befriend’ this man even in the loosest sense of the word.”

“Wait and see, there is still time and you’re not alone in this after all, don’t you forget that. If you feel the need to throttle him, just look at Laf or me, that should help, right?” John huffed under his breath.

Alexander sighed once again and nodded, then looked up at John for a second before assessing their surroundings for potential eavesdropping.

“John, will you stay the night at my house?” he breathed softly, barely above a whisper only for John to hear.

The freckled man startled for a split-second, looking searchingly in Alexander’s brown eyes and smiled.

“I’d like that very much.”

~*~

The three friends returned home on foot in the late evening. Neither of them had wanted to wait for a carriage, despite the early March nights still being quite chilly.

They were all pleasantly tipsy and warmed from the inside by a good meal and a nice evening despite the underlying animosities and Lafayette didn’t even bat an eye when they parted ways at the corner to his street and his house mate didn’t go with him. He just smiled at the other two men and wished them a good night.

Back at the Hamilton home, when the doors were closed and locked twice, John and Alexander stood in front of each other, unsure how to handle this sudden abundance of privacy and unrestricted opportunities.

In the end, John was the brave one once again, slowly stepping closer to Alexander, cupping his cheek gently before kissing him sweetly, eliciting a small gasp and happy sigh from the slightly shorter man.

They didn’t take long to find themselves in the small guest bedroom that Alexander usually occupied if he didn’t have to put up appearances with Eliza for her sisters. They cuddled up to each other under the blanket, legs entangled, just like their arms, hugging each other close, sharing soft kisses.

“Do you realise that this is the first time we’re sleeping together in a proper bed?” John whispered against Alexander’s lips, making the other smile.

“True, I can’t believe we’ve been missing out on this for so long… I’m glad you’re here. I love you dearly, my John Laurens.” Alexander whispered back.

John returned the sentiment with deep emotion in his voice and they kissed again and again, until they both drifted off to sleep like that.


	21. An inside perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy the fluff tightly wrapped in political planning.  
> As I said before it getting political in a very Au-ish way, I know it's far from real history and I don't mean to offend anyone.  
> If anyone doesn't like it, you're free to leave although I'd hate to lose readers.  
> That being said, a big shout-out and thank you to all of you who *do* read and enjoy my writing.

When John Laurens woke up in an empty bed, he sighed deeply. He was used to it but a small part of him had hoped that it would be different now that they had a safe space to be who they are.

But the bed was empty and the half where Alexander had been lying the night before was already cold, telling John that the other man was gone for a while already.

Blearily he looked out the small part of the window that wasn’t hidden behind thick curtains for a little while, watching clouds pass by slowly and listening to the birds trilling their songs before he got up to wash his face and dress again.

He didn’t have to look for Hamilton for long, John could hear the soft mumbling coming from the study already from the stairs and knew that his friend was working yet again.

The Caribbean didn’t even notice the other man entering the room, too absorbed in his thoughts and hence startled rather badly when John pressed a kiss to the back of his neck.

John chuckled under his breath at the yelp and the huge ink spill on the paper.

“I’m sorry, love, I didn’t mean to scare you like that. Good morning.” He whispered apologetically.

Alex turned his head a little to be able to look at the other.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I’ll have to write this one again anyway, too many errors already to leave it like that. Good morning to you too. Did you sleep well?” the words were accompanied by a frown towards the offending paper and a soft smile at the man.

“I did. Even better than in a while. You left though…” the freckled man murmured pressing his nose into Alexander’s hair that was falling in gentle waves over his shoulders.

“Yeah, sorry about that… I tried staying but… force of habit, I guess and I had this idea that I needed to get on paper before I forgot it again. I didn’t want to wake you with my fidgeting, you looked so peaceful in your sleep.” He explained what John had already figured out himself.

“Did you at least eat some breakfast?” John asked but didn’t have to wait for an answer when Alexander’s ears noticeably heated up and he looked away quickly. “Oh Alex, seriously? How many times… okay up, on your feet. I can somehow forgive you for leaving me alone in bed although for the first time we didn’t have to hide and I really would have liked waking up looking at you, feeling you… but I seriously can’t have you neglecting yourself like that. Breakfast. Now!” John grumbled, forcefully pulling Alexander to his feet and out of the study towards the kitchen, ignoring any and all attempts of backtalk.

In the kitchen Alexander was pushed into a seat while John made short work of pulling out the basic things to whip up a quick breakfast. He was no cook but he could scramble eggs and fry some bacon.

He could sense Alexander watching him, he also sensed it when Alexander got back to his feet and cautiously hugged him from behind.

“Sorry… are you mad at me?” Alex asked in an impossibly small voice.

John sighed.

“No… as I said, I can forgive you for leaving, it’s not a big deal. It would have been nice but I can completely understand your reasoning, old habits and fears die hard, I know that, I do feel the same. But honestly this utter disregard for your own health that we’ve been trying to change for years now…” he sighed again. “… it has to stop at some point…” he said, not turning around but focusing on the pan, making sure nothing burned.

Alexander pressed his face into John’s broad back.

“I know… I know that…” he sighed deeply, knowing that without meaning to he had hurt John once again and that pained him in turn.

They ate in silence for a while before John broke it once again.

“So, what have you been working on? Was it part of your financial plan that you wanted us to read last night or something else?”

Alexander took a moment to read John’s mood, trying to figure out if he was still disappointed or if they were fine again now that he had properly eaten. He hoped it was the latter when he answered.

“A bit of both… it ties in with the financial plan I’ve been working on but also touches on the slavery issue…” he admitted softly, catching John’s interest immediately just like Alex had known he would. But he wasn’t lying, it really was what he had been working on that morning. It’s a far-fetched idea and he will have to re-calculate his whole initial plan to make sure it’s even a real possibility but it might be an incentive to get the whole issue rolling.

“Okay… you have my attention now. I guess we better get to work then so you can explain that to me. Should we call Lafayette over so we can go over this together?” John said, putting their empty plates to the side to be dealt with later.

“Ah I don’t think that’s necessary just yet. I really would like your input though. You reminded me of something last night when you interfered with my attacking Jefferson. You are in the unique position that you are on our side but have clear insight in the views of the South; that’s something I need for this to have any chance at all. It’s a daring proposition and I’m fully aware that I’ll be getting so much hate for it but it will make our country so much stronger in the long run. The question remains, though, can I make it work.”

John frowned. Alexander had talked about devising a financial plan and building a national bank and everything but he hadn’t talked about anything in detail to them before, always stating that he wanted it to be finished before he showed them.

“Okay? Let’s go then.”

~*~

Reading long documents in the shortest possible amount of time was a skill Washington’s aides-de camp had learned and quickly gotten down to a science during the war which gave John a bit of a head-start because the stack of paper Alexander handed to him with the detailed outline of his plan, including a potential outlook for the next five, ten and fifteen years was quite large.

The Caribbean sat down at his desk again and resumed the work he had been doing when John interrupted him while his lover read in silence.

From time to time, Alexander caught himself however, just looking at John, observing the quick back and forth of his eyes, the movement of his lips when he went over the more complex bits of the plan, his facial expressions and soft sounds, trying to read what might be John’s opinion of his draft.

In all honesty, Alexander was proud of his work and he knew it could work but he didn’t know what to do if John took issue with anything in there. He didn’t want to argue with John after all. Furthermore, if he wasn’t able to convince John of his plan, how would he have any hope to get it on the Congress floor.

The taller man put down the last page and leaned back in his chair with a long exhale, his face unreadable.

“So? What’s your verdict? What are you thinking about this?” Alex asked, nervous.

John looked from the stack of papers to the man in front of him, studying him for a moment in silence, then sighed, looking back at the papers again.

“It’s a good plan as far as I can see it. Objectively speaking at least. I won’t dare to claim that I have even half the knowledge about finances and all the little things you’ve included in there that you have, but I think I got the main point of it and I think it could work…” he started.

“But…?” the Caribbean didn’t look away from his lover, waiting for the moment the other would make eye contact again. “It sounds awfully like there is a big ‘but’ coming, my dear.”

“That’s because there is, Alex. It’s a solid plan but I can tell you beyond the shadow of a doubt that my father is going to hate this plan and anything close to it. And if my father is going to hate it, I’m sure Jefferson will hate it just as much. People in the South, especially the landowners who got rich by working their slaves to the ground for no money at all, will try to nip this in the bud and as far as I know, Jefferson’s family is one of them, just like mine. That’s not regular pushback we’re talking about here, Alex, this might just become the fuse and fuel for a full-on revolt. This could break our country in half already before we even properly started it.”

Alexander slumped back in his chair; his shoulders pulled high around his ears. If one didn’t know the man, they would assume he might be feeling cold or something but John knew Alex, had seen this before, this deflated posture, trying to make himself as small as possible to give the least area for attack. Alex was sure of his work, even more so he was proud of it and he was never good with criticism because it translated into a personal attack against him almost every time. John still didn’t know all the details of Alexander’s story but from the bits and pieces he did tell him, he certainly saw where that attitude was coming from.

Quickly he got to his feet and crouched in front of his friend.

“Hey, don’t do this, it’s nothing to do with you, this plan is solid, I told you but it’s going to be a hard sell because Southerners are entitled slaver bastards…” he said with vehemence.

“Current occupants of the room excluded…” Alexander whispered as he slightly uncurled again, making John chuckle softly.

“Well, that’s obvious… It’s not like I’m all that popular in my home anymore anyway… politically speaking at least. I never was the son my dad had wanted in that sense. What I’m trying to say though is, this will take a fight, a big one and we’ll need all the support you can get and even then, I fear it might be difficult to get this on the Congress floor when the time comes. Now, tell me, what’s that idea you had this morning that pulled you from my side?” he added in the end to get Alexander talking again.

“Well, I’ve been thinking about the slave issue… the main reason why the North is in debt is because they pay for labour and everything else. There still is a gap between the income of Black people and White people but overall the playing field is more evened out but that means the states have to use their money differently than in the South. All the extra money they earn but don’t give to the actual people doing the work is used to settle states affairs. The initial idea was implementing taxes to establish a national bank and every state has to pay their share, which obviously means the South might pay more at first. You with me?” Alexander asked gently, pulling John back to his feet from his crouched position which must have been quite uncomfortable after some time.

“I think so, go on…” the freckled man nodded, leaning against the desk between Alexander’s knees.

“Well, the idea was to maybe give the landowners of the South some financial incentive to set their slaves free and pay them for their work if in turn they don’t have to pay as much taxes. In comparison to my initial financial plan, I’m not entirely sure yet if this is going to work, I will have to rewrite a good chunk of it and completely edit the numbers but yeah, that was the idea.” Alex concluded.

John stayed silent, thinking the idea through.

“It… could work? I’m not sure how well people like my father would receive this. We would have to make it clear that setting free and paying the men and women for their work would cost them less money, it had to be lucrative for them and then we might have to start promoting this with the more reasonable landowners and states, get them on our side and maybe then they can pressure the more hardliner Southerners into it as well… not entirely sure. Fact is any of this will only be possible if there is something to gain from it.”

“But you think it might be feasible?”

“I guess… I’d say keep working on this, see if you can make the numbers work and then you should run it by Laf and ideally Washington. As much as I respect our General, he is in fact a slave-owning Southerner himself, surely a more reasonable one than others but his input might help as well.” The taller man said thoughtfully.

“That… sounds like a good plan actually, thanks John, I really do appreciate your help on this.” Alex smiled.

“Yeah, not a problem. But… well… Alex… I say, keep working on it but please don’t forget what I told you this morning. Don’t forget to take care of yourself over this plan, any of this won’t mean a thing if you run yourself into the ground before you can properly present it.” John sighed, leaned forward a bit and framed Alexander’s cheeks with his hands before he touched his lips to the shorter man’s for just a second.

The Caribbean leaned into the touch, his eyes drifting halfway closed from the feeling.

“Yeah I know, I promise I’ll try… but I still might need more help with that, though.”

John huffed softly.

“Don’t worry about it, Herc, Laf and I will keep you on your toes and Eliza, bless her, will kick your behind if need be… and there still is Pip to consider, I think between all of us, this might just work out.”

“I’ll hold you to that…” Alexander murmured and pulled John closer by his waist and into another kiss.


	22. Not alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Precautionary word of warning, Alex is an anxious bean with bad memories and nightmares which both are discussed in this chapter. As someone with anxiety myself, I don't think it's too bad in this case but I thought better safe than sorry, personally I always appreciate to know what I'm heading into.  
> Enjoy~

“Ah, there he is, mon petit prince…” Lafayette cooed the moment Eliza opened the door to let him and the others inside and he laid eyes on Philip resting on her hip. “And, of course, the beautiful lady of the house.” The Frenchman greeted Eliza with the customary kisses to her cheeks and gently pulled the baby from her arms.

The woman laughed heartily, a slight flush in her cheeks despite a few worry lines around her eyes.

“Good morning to you, too, Lafayette. Hercules. John.” She nodded at all of them as they entered the house.

Philip giggled loudly at Laf’s gentle tickling.

“It’s good to have you back, Eliza. How is the family?” John asked, pulling the dark-haired woman in a quick hug.

“Good, very good. Philip certainly was the star of the house, I barely got to hold him myself with so many eager arms to carry him…” she grinned when Lafayette looked up with a slightly guilty expression. “Not that I’m complaining. As long as my boy is happy, I’m happy.”

They walked to the living room where Alexander was currently in the process of clearing away Philips toys, hands a little shaky to the trained eyes of his friends.

“I hear I have to thank you all for keeping my silly husband from starving himself? Again.”

That was the first proper sentence Alexander heard when they all entered the room and promptly turned red in embarrassment.

“Kind of, yeah… nothing we’re not used to, though. Don’t worry, we’ll take care of him whenever you’re not around, promise.” Hercules grinned, clapping a strong hand on Alexander’s back.

“Oh I don’t doubt that, I know I can count on you all.” The woman smiled, turning her gaze back to Lafayette who was rocking the child gently and mumbling sweetly to him in a mix of English and French.

“It seems Uncle Lafayette has been missing Philip quite a bit…” John followed Eliza’s gaze while stepping closer to Alexander, cautiously resting a hand at the small of his back, wordlessly trying to find out if the other man was alright. Alex leaned a bit more into him but didn’t really give him a clue otherwise.

“Absolutely, since yesterday he’s been talking about the little guy practically non-stop. It’s like he was having baby withdrawal or something.” Hercules chuckled teasingly, swiftly answered by a murderous glare from the Frenchman.

“I did no such thing, mon ami and I’d greatly appreciate it if you don’t go around proclaiming these half-truths. I’ve been missing having Philip around but I hardly have been talking about him ‘non-stop’ as you say.” Lafayette grumbled.

“True, I think you might have been talking about Philip and Thomas Jefferson in rather equal measures, in that case ‘non-stop’ might have been a bit overstated.” Grinned John, gracefully ignoring Laf’s death stare in favour of noticing the subtle flinch of Alex at the mention of the name.

“Ah yes, is that the man General Washington has appointed for the State secretary position? You’ve met him now, right? What is he like?” Eliza asked, curiously. She wouldn’t say that she had all that much knowledge of politics but she understood enough of the overall concepts to know that this Jefferson would be the biggest hurdle for Alexander and that a good relationship between those two might be beneficial.

“Well, he’s an as-stoundingly flashy gentleman with rather medieval opinions…” Alexander growled, catching himself just in time to not curse in front of his son.

“I keep telling you, Alexander, he’s not that bad, you just have to find common ground first…” Lafayette sighed.

“Oh please, spare us… we’re here to welcome Eliza and Philip back home not argue about Thomas Jefferson, so can you not, please?” Hercules said, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Fine by me…” Alex mumbled, immediately stepping closer to Lafayette to pull Philip from his arms when the small boy started to get fussy in the Frenchman’s arms. “You’re due a changing, aren’t you little man?” he whispered and left the room quite quickly.

“Well, that felt suspiciously like an escapr right now…” Lafayette blinked after the retreating figure of the Caribbean. “Something I said?”

“I suppose defending Jefferson didn’t exactly help but he was off before already, so don’t blame yourself, my friend. He seemed nervous when we arrived, did something happen?” John turned his concerned frown from Laf to Eliza who was wringing her hands worriedly.

“That’s actually what I meant to ask you; he was like that already last night when we arrived. I kind of put it down to him overworking himself while waiting for us but it was the same this morning already so I was wondering…” Eliza admitted, honestly worried because as much as Alexander had his little quirks, she hadn’t seen him like that before.

“I’ll talk to him, maybe I can find out what’s wrong…” John said to nobody’s surprise but Lafayette bit his lip and stopped John with a hand to his upper arm.

“Would you let me go first, mon ami?” the tall Frenchman looked a little unsure in John’s eyes and the smaller one regarded him for a moment. Alexander and Lafayette were very close friends as well and John knew that Laf knew things about Alex’ past that even he didn’t know yet. He could also see that his friend apparently harboured some feelings of guilt after all, as unnecessary as they might be, so he conceded to Laf’s wish.

John nodded, holding eye contact with the Frenchman.

“Good luck.”

~*~

Alexander was easily found upstairs in the master bedroom, just about to pull up the tiny baby pants, making silly noises at his son to make the boy laugh.

Lafayette gently knocked on the doorjamb, once again startling Alexander visibly. Now that John had mentioned it, Laf could see the faint tremble in Alexander’s hands, the slightly too rigid posture of his back and the deeper than usual wrinkles around his eyes.

“Mon ami, may we talk?” he asked softly.

Alex carefully wrapped Philip back in a blanket before he turned to his friend.

“Sure, what about?” he asked with false nonchalance.

“I don’t know, mon petit lion, you tell me? What is troubling you so? We all noticed and we’re all worried about you.” He admitted, not to make Alex feel bad but to make him understand that he wasn’t as subtle as he might think he was and that it was okay.

“You don’t have to, I’m fine, everything is fine, it’s all going swimmingly…” was Alexander’s quick response, involuntarily setting Lafayette on edge.

The Frenchman stepped into the room, pushing the door closed but making it a point not to shut it completely as to avoid giving the other man the feeling of being trapped. He knew this dance; it was familiar ground for all of them and yet it was a hard thing to get used to.

“Mon ami, now I know something is wrong. You are most definitely not fine, why don’t you tell me what the issue is.” He gently prodded, slowly backing Alexander up to the bed until he gave in and sat down, soon joined by his friend.

When Alexander remained quiet for a long moment, Lafayette bit his lip again.

“Or would you rather talk to John, I could…”

“No.” Alexander interrupted him quickly. “No, it’s fine… please stay, Laf…” he carefully readjusted his hold on the baby to rub a hand over his tired face. “It’s stupid… I don’t really know why… I mean, it’s in the past now… we’re as safe here as we’re ever going to be… it’s all in the past…” he rambled and all the Frenchman gathered from the broken pieces was that whatever was weighing his friend down was something that happened a long time ago. But he knew that Alexander’s past was riddled with tragedy so it was difficult to know what was haunting his friend like that now.

“I’m not explaining any of this properly, am I?” Alex asked after a moment.

“I’m afraid not, mon ami. But there is no need to rush, why don’t you start at the beginning?” Laf coaxed gently.

“I… well, I was working on a rewrite of my plan together with John while he was here, something that might get the liberation of the slaves on track as well, you know? My best guess is that it dredged up some long-forgotten memories. It was fine while John was here and I was occupied by work but then… I was alone again… the nightmares… the island… the hurricane… everything came crashing down on me and I… I just can’t seem to shake it off.” Alex stopped himself for a second, pressing a reassuring kiss on Philip’s forehead when he made a gurgling-whining noise. “I can’t seem to escape…”

Lafayette remained silent for a while, waiting if Alexander had more to say but the other stayed quiet aside from soft shushing noises for Philip that -Laf couldn’t help but notice- might just as well have been directed at Alexander himself.

Gently he began rubbing soothing circles on the stiff back of the shorter man, wordlessly trying to relax him and making unmistakeably clear that he wasn’t alone.

“You are dreaming again I understand, mon ami?”

Alexander nodded, a forlorn quality to his eyes.

“Yes… it’s the same and then it’s not, it’s so much worse… they used to be about the past, memories breaking free from the confines I had put them in to forget… The images of the destruction after the hurricane, broken pieces of wood strewn along the streets, smashed goods everywhere and the bodies… so many who had gotten trapped in their own little homes, drowned because they thought they would be safe there or because they couldn’t bear to part with their meagre belongings…”

Laf witnessed how Alexander’s eyes took on a haunted emptiness, staring into the middle distance while he talked, as his mind had travelled a long way into the past and across the ocean. He continued his gentle touch, hoping it would serve as an anchor to reality as Alex relived what surely must have been one of the more horrific moments of his past.

“And I remember the cold, always the cold despite living on a Caribbean island… the cold that gripped us all in the aftermath of the hurricane and even before that… the cold touch of my mother holding me even beyond death, I…” Alexander swallowed hard and Laf could feel the shaking worsen. “And now… it’s getting worse, these memories get mixed up with my reality and I can’t stop it, I can’t do anything about it besides refusing to sleep at all which I know doesn’t work… suddenly it’s Eliza holding me in a cold embrace; you, John, Hercules, even Washington lying drowned and shattered in the streets and me trying so hard and failing to save my baby boy… and it’s all I can see now when I close my eyes and it’s driving me insane…”

Alexander’s voice had turned quieter and quieter until it wasn’t much more than a whisper but the room was plunged into a deep silence that Lafayette didn’t have to strain his ears much to catch the words. Philip, bless his young heart, seemed to sense the distress his father was in and was on his best behaviour, turning his sweet face into the crook of Alexander’s neck and tightly grabbing the fabric of his cravat in his fists, a small but undoubtedly important reminder that he was there and everything was fine.

The silence stretched in the room for a long while as both men were lost in their thoughts.

“I’m truly sorry, mon ami…” Lafayette finally whispered, not daring to speak much louder. The sad truth was that there wasn’t a whole lot he could do for Alexander in this instance.

“I know, I am as well…” the shorter man sighed after taking a shaky breath. “I didn’t mean to burden you with all this…”

“Stop, mon petit lion, do not finish this sentence. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t burden me with what you’ve told me, I wanted to know, I wanted to share what’s troubling you. And I am aware that there isn’t much I can do for you but don’t hesitate to confide in me, I will always listen. You are not alone, Alexander Hamilton. You have a whole family behind you and neither of us is going anywhere anytime soon, never forget that. I can’t fend off the ghosts your mind conjures up, I imagine that’s more John’s expertise but whatever you might need, just say the word.” Laf had turned more towards Alexander, holding his gaze while he spoke.

“Thank you, Lafayette. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that.” Alexander smiled. It was a small, weak smile but it was genuine.

“You are welcome. Are you feeling better now?” the Frenchman asked cautiously.

The shorter man took a deep breath and listened to his own body for a minute. He felt calmer than before, not as jumpy and nervous, the shaking had almost stopped as well.

He nodded.

“Yes. Thank you.”

Laf answered that admission with a brilliant smile.

“Good, let’s go down then, the others surely are waiting already.”


	23. Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy~

Not knowing what was going on, what was troubling Alexander made it hard for John to focus on the conversation with Eliza and Hercules. Every few moments his eyes would flicker to the door and his ears strained to pick up on any movement in the house.

The other two were gracious enough not to comment on his tension and easily carried the conversation between themselves.

“Will your sisters visit again soon?” the tailor asked after Eliza had finished a story about her father and Philip.

“I’m not entirely sure, we haven’t talked about that, to be honest. I do assume so though, they are staying at the townhouse after all, it’s not that big a journey to come visit. Why do you ask?” Eliza asked, a curious smile on her face.

Hercules chuckled softly.  
“Oh, pure curiosity, I assure you. It’s just that, last time we spoke, Peggy mentioned an idea to me about a dress? Some change in cut she had been thinking about. She said she would try to sketch out what she meant and show me the next time we met.” He explained, roughly rubbing his own neck as he did so.

Eliza raised an eyebrow at that, nodding thoughtfully.

“I see, well my little sister always was a bit more adventurous with her wardrobe and she never was afraid to put some scissor to her dresses much to the dismay of our late mother and then father. I’ll ask her about it when I write to her if you want.” She suggested.

“That would be nice, thanks.” Herc smiled widely and finally managed to startle John out of his anxious brooding. The younger man shared a quick glance with Eliza who downright smirked at the newly gathered information.

John observed the tinge of shy embarrassment and then also noticed the red flush high on Hercules’ cheeks, well concealed on his darker complexion but still visible for someone who knew him well. That was new, he thought.

“Tell me my friend, did Peggy and you talk about much else as well or did you just share notes on clothes.” He asked innocently, glad that he was able to re-direct his attention for a moment.

“Eh? Oh no, not just that, we did talk about other things as well but she was curious since I’m the expert… or well training to be anyway.” He replied, very much trying to ignore the knowing grin on John’s lips and in Eliza’s eyes.

“You know, you could write and ask my sister yourself, I’m sure she would be happy to receive some correspondence that’s not from her sisters.” Eliza said, her tone light.

“You think? Wouldn’t that be… I mean…” Hercules stuttered, completely unable to keep his air of nonchalance and John wondered how the man had managed to stay undetected when he went on his secret missions. But then, he thought, there might just be a huge difference between weaselling out information from enemy soldiers and talking about a woman who apparently holds your affections.

“Oh, I’m sure. And don’t worry, you are a friend of the family by now, no one would think strangely about you writing to her.” Eliza reassured the tailor gently, winking at John.

“Uh, well… okay then… I guess I can do that, I’ll write to her then…” Hercules murmured, hesitant and most definitely unsure of himself and wasn’t that the most curious thing of all to John. Hercules Mulligan, certified womanizer, insecure at the thought of writing a letter to a girl. Alexander would be thrilled for this little titbit of information.

And just like that John’s gaze wandered back to the door, his thoughts returning to his worry.

*

When the two men and the baby returned to the living room not too long after, John searched for Lafayette’s gaze first, knowing that his friend understood his question without having to ask it out loud. _What’s wrong? Is he okay?_

The Frenchman’s pained eyes looked at Alex for a second before he soundlessly mouthed ‘nightmares’ at his freckled friend and with that word alone everything became clearer to John.

They were all no strangers to nightmares, after all. The war had left deep wounds in their minds and some of them were haunted by their past more than others. During the times they all were at the same camp, they made sure to share the same tents or other sleeping quarters and without question or judgment, they helped each other through the bad nights. But neither of them had as bad or as frequent nightmares as Alexander and it did indeed explain a lot about his current state.

During the course of the day Alexander relaxed bit by bit but he all but refused to let one of the other men hold Philip or put him in his crib and only reluctantly let Eliza take over when the little man got hungry. After the first suggestion of letting the baby sleep in his bed was shot down, nobody mentioned it again since they all could see the effect the small, warm, living and breathing baby had on his father.

“What do you need?” John whispered in Alexander’s ear later in the afternoon. The trouble with Alexander slowly calming down was that his exhaustion became more and more apparent. “Should I stay? Watch over you? You know I’d do anything…”

The tired Caribbean looked up at the man he loved and smiled weakly. “I know, John, I’d like that very much and Eliza surely would be okay with it but… I don’t think it’s a good idea, it’s… the fear is even worse than the nightmares…” Alex whispered back, knowing well enough that Lafayette had managed to let John know what was happening.

And John didn’t need more of an explanation. It might have seemed a little illogical but he understood the reservations Alexander had about sharing a bed while Eliza was in the house opposed to when they were alone. In all honesty their secret might be safer with her there but he would never push, he had the same fears after all.

“Alright, anything else I can do?” he asked, trying not to let his defeat show.

Alexander shook his head.

“I’m afraid, you can’t… just stay for now and with Philip close by, I should have everything I need to make it through the night.”

“You better do, we faced so many things, I’m not losing you now to your nightmares.” John exclaimed silently but reined his temper in again quickly and let the topic go.

Come evening and the group of three’s departures, it was funny to see that all three leaving men seemed more nervous for Alexander, than Alexander felt for himself. He just seemed resigned to another bad night.

“What would you like for dinner, dear?” Eliza asked gently when their front door closed.

Alex smiled thinly and shook his head.

“I’m not really hungry, do whatever you want, I’ll keep you company while you eat.”

The woman took a deep breath and looked for a moment as if she wanted to protest his refusal of food but let it go in the end.

“Alright… I’ll call you when I’m done.”

“You do that, I’ll go and read something to our son…” Alexander decided suddenly and made his way to the living room to grab a book and then upstairs to the bed room where Philip’s crib stood.

The young father of course knew that they were way past Philip’s bedtime for some time already and he was grateful that Eliza hadn’t said anything about it.

Reluctantly he settled the boy in his bed and tucked him in, started a gentle rocking motion as he began to read. It didn’t take the baby long to fall asleep without much fuss but Alexander read on until Eliza called him.

After spending some time together with his wife, Alexander returned to his study for the first time that day and quickly immersed himself in his work again.

It was the middle of the night already when he came up for air for the first time. Darkness had settled outside and a complete silence inside. He couldn’t hear anything which spiked a dull fear in Alexander immediately. It was an old house; it never was so completely quiet.

He could breathe easier again though when he arrived upstairs and finally the silence pressing in on him was broken by the soft inhale and exhale of both Eliza and Philip.

With a choked up feeling in his throat he stepped closer to the bed, gently pulling the covers up and closer around his wife. It was a cool night and he didn’t want her to feel cold.

He then went back to Philip’s crib and settled into the chair next to the bed. Eliza had apparently pinned down the rocking mechanism before going to bed herself because Philip sometimes had the unfortunate habit of becoming quite active during the night and had managed to scare himself with the rocking of the bed a few times before. Since then, they pinned it down for the night.

Alex leaned on the side of the bed and just watched his son breathe and sleep, his own eyes drooping dangerously. He didn’t want to sleep, didn’t dare to really, but the soft up and down of Philip’s chest had an almost hypnotic quality to Alexander.

Carefully he rested a hand on the boys back and let the rhythmic movement pull him under.

That’s how Eliza found him at dawn the next morning, his head dropped on his arm that was rested on the railing, the other arm awkwardly hanging over the side, snoring so very softly.

Cautiously she wrapped a blanket around the shoulders of her husband, didn’t want to wake him up from the slumber he so desperately needed obviously. She would let him sleep as long as Philip didn’t make a fuss and her baby boy was sleeping just as peacefully as his father.

~*~

>Dear Mr Hamilton,

With this letter I would like to formally invite you to the first full Cabinet meeting taking place in two weeks’ time, on Wednesday afternoon of the last week of March.

Main points on the agenda for the meeting will include, the formal inauguration of George Washington as President, as well as the appointments of several posts within his Cabinet such as the Secretaries of Treasury and the State department.

President Washington assured me that you and everyone else involved have been notified already beforehand to render these appointments merely a formality.

I’m looking forward to a productive collaboration between all parties involved for the future of our country.

On behalf of President Washington,

Your obedient servant,

John Adams.<


	24. Caring friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Properly introducing two new major players into my story here.  
> I have to say, personally, I like this chapter a lot, it's sweet and fun.  
> I hope you enjoy it.

The day was still young, the birds welcoming the first warm rays of Spring sunshine with their chirpy trilling outside but James Madison couldn’t help but sigh deeply. He was already tired again. His overall well-being was on the weaker side and a chronic cough had kept him awake most of the previous night. It was exhausting but it was what it was.

He finished another essay to be published anonymously defending the U.S. Constitution and proposing ways to work changes and amendments into it to make it a better fit for their new status of independence. It had been a steady back and forth in the papers. He wasn’t the only one who thought the cause a worthy one even if he didn’t know who his ally or allies were.

Thinking about it gave him quickly a new idea for yet another essay and proceeded to take down notes for a rough outline he would re-work and flesh out over the coming few days.

He got startled out of his thoughts when the double doors to his study got pushed open wide and in strode his best friend, Thomas Jefferson in all the flamboyant glory of someone who had spent an extended period of time in France.

“James, did you get your letter as well?” were the first words out of the taller Virginian’s mouth.

“A good morning to you too, Thomas. What a pleasant surprise this early in the morning, I hadn’t expected you here. What letter might that be you are referring to?” James said in a rather unimpressed sounding tone, carefully putting his quill away and leaning back in his chair, his eyes on Thomas. The man had the audacity to roll his eyes but huffed softly as he unceremoniously plopped down in the chair opposite James.

“Yeah, yeah. Good morning, James. Sorry about barging in like that but your man-servant let me in, told me you’ve been up a while already. I’m still somewhat stuck on a European time frame. The invite, I mean, for the first Cabinet meeting, surely you got yours as well?” Thomas raised an eyebrow.

“Ah yes, I did indeed, just last night the messenger boy brought it to me. Things are progressing nicely, I’d say.”

“They do. True, there won’t be much of importance happening in this meeting but it’s a start. I mean I relocated from Virginia to this pit of a city for a reason after all, it’s time things move along.” Thomas sighed; his fingertips pressed against each other restlessly in front of him.

“Agreed, there is only so much you can do with writing essays that likely only a tenth of the population read, much less understand. However, I wouldn’t call the inauguration of our first President ‘not much of importance’ really. And your own appointment as Secretary of State, Thomas.” James smiled fondly at the dismissive handwave that got him.

“Yeah, yeah… but really, just like that Adams guy wrote, it’s just a formality, it’s not like any of this wasn’t already decided on. I meant nothing of importance that actually has anything to do with politics which is why I’m here…” the taller Virginian grumbled, feeling the need to explain himself despite knowing full well that James knew what he was talking about.

“And here I was thinking spending time with you friend was already a good enough reason; you’ve been away for a long time after all.” James teased good-naturedly.

Thomas looked up quickly, blinking.

“Ah. Well yes, of course. But truly, James, I adore you, my friend, but that alone probably wouldn’t have compelled me to leave Monticello behind and actually *move* here. I apologize.” He grinned back at the shorter man behind the desk but then took the time to actually look at James. Despite finally living in the same city again, they hadn’t managed to spend a lot of time together yet. “It has been quite a long time, though, hasn’t it? Are you alright, my friend?” His voice softening considerably.

“Don’t worry, Thomas, I’ve been past the illusion that my presence alone could compel you to do anything for years, no need to apologize for that now…” James chuckled, which turned into a sigh then.

“I’m as well as I’ve ever been, you know that better than anyone. It’s a continuous up and down and currently it seems it’s the latter of the journey but I’ll be fine, no need to concern yourself.”

Jefferson stayed silent for a moment.

“You know I can’t do that. You do look tired, have you been sleeping? Is there anything I can do? Any assistance I could grant?”

“Barely but unless you finally managed to find a way to change the weather to your personal preference, I fear you can’t. It’s just the cold of the city that’s getting to me. As I said, don’t worry about it, I will be better in due time.” James said, turning his gaze to a stray piece of string sticking out of the arm of his jacket, not wanting to face the worry in his friend’s face.

“You know, I never really understood why you came here of all places. I mean, okay, college I get *that* but after that, why didn’t you go back again when you know that warmer temperatures make it easier on you.” Thomas sighed, slumping back in his chair. It’s not like they hadn’t had this discussion already before.

“That’s because here’s where the decisions are made, Thomas, you know that. There is only so much you can do in politics when you stay in Virginia. I wanted more, just like you did, so I did the sensible thing. Well, sensible for my career at least.” James amended after a moment, since he already saw the protest of his statement coming on Thomas’ face.

“Okay, but maybe that’s just wrong. Why this city? Why not somewhere else? This city certainly isn’t anything special…” he sat up, a smirk playing on his lips. “Maybe we should…”

“What are you thinking, my friend?” James asked, not entirely sure he could follow Thomas’ train of thought.

“You know, at this ‘Welcome back’ celebration Washington held for me, I met a handful of his posse, apparently they had all served under him during the war and other than Lafayette, who I somewhat knew already, they all seemed rather stubborn and confrontational? You know what I mean? They seemed all rather pro-North from what little I could gather, maybe we should propose a relocation of the capital, strengthen the position of the South a bit. Wouldn’t you like that?” Thomas grinned and it held an almost menacing edge to it.

“Ah well, I rather doubt such a proposal will go over very well but it certainly has an appeal I can’t deny. I do remember who you mean though; Hamilton, Laurens and Lafayette, they all made quite the name for themselves during the war. Especially Hamilton. He certainly is one to look out for. Rumour has it that he is willing to do just about anything to get what he wants, quite recklessly so at times. That added to apparently a pretty extensive genius and ability to craft words, he will be quite the match for you, my friend.” James cautioned but couldn’t help but getting stuck on Thomas’ idea, it was just too tempting.

“I didn’t think that you would ever start listening to rumours, my friend. You surprise me, apparently you did change somewhat after all. But in this case, I suppose you’re right. That’s just about the impression I got as well from the short conversation I had with him. It’s certainly going to be interesting.” He grinned, never one to back down from a challenge and that he had known already: Alexander Hamilton would be a challenge.

~*~

At about the same time, at a different part of the city, Lafayette returned home from an early errant, hanging up his coat and rubbing his hands together to get some warmth back into them. He entered their shared living room where Hercules was sitting at the small writing desk, all of them used to handle their correspondence, mumbling to himself while John sat across the room in a chair by the fireplace, a book forgotten in his lap, an amused smile on his face as he watched their friend work.

A soft huff could be heard, closely followed by the unmistakable sound of paper being crumpled and discarded.

Lafayette didn’t make a sound until he was by John’s side, pulling his chair even closer to the fire for additional warmth.

“Mon ami, what is he doing?” he inquired finally, his eyes directed on Hercules as well.

“Writing a letter, I suppose.” John grinned. “Or, well, trying to at least judging by our rapidly vanishing supply of paper.”

The Frenchman hummed in understanding, as he noticed a rather sizable mountain of discarded paper balls littering the desk.

“A difficult letter, is it?” he mused. Lafayette knew about those, in fact when he had written to France during the war he had worked through many pages of paper until he managed to get it worded properly. It didn’t explain however the trouble his friend apparently was having since he certainly didn’t have to beg his fellow countrymen for help without making it sound like begging.

John licked his lips, chuckling mischievously.

“I would imagine so.” He said. “I mean, don’t take my word for it but I gather letters to the woman one likes are of an especially delicate sort?” he said, turning his gaze to Lafayette to watch his reaction to his words.

The Frenchman didn’t disappoint. He nodded in a very understanding manner before he stopped in his tracks, eyes widening comically when their meaning registered in his brain.

“What? Non… mon Hercules? That can’t be right…” he whispered in disbelief, looking back and forth between his grinning smaller friend and the one struggling at the desk.

“That’s what I’ve been thinking and yet, here we are. It seems our dear friend has been holding out on us. I just learned about it yesterday on accident actually.” John generously shared the news with his friend.

“Huh…” was all Lafayette said for a moment, getting a bit more comfortable in his chair to further watch Hercules.

“That’s quite the surprise… but why is he struggling… I was under the impression our friend was… rather proficient in charming the fairer sex…” he wondered thoughtfully.

John snorted softly.

“I suppose it’s easier to charm your way under various skirts than into one specific heart.” He jested in a rather blunt fashion but his eyes turned back to the Frenchman as he gasped softly, one hand resting over his heart theatrically.

“Oh my… you mean to say…” he stumbled over his words as the full meaning of John’s teasing hints became clear. “But who is the lucky lady?” he finally settled on, coming to terms with the fact that his best friend apparently had fallen in love without telling him about it.

For just a split-second John wondered about the tone Lafayette posed that last question in, wondered if he imagined the shred of hurt hidden in the curiosity.

“Well…” John said, dismissing the thought since he couldn’t do anything about it anyway. “Apparently she goes by the name of Peggy Schuyler.”

And had Lafayette not been sitting rather securely in his chair, he might have fallen flat on his back in surprise. He knew they hadn’t met all that many women since the war and it shouldn’t be such a big surprise but it still hit him like a brick to the head. The Frenchman knew Hercules and he knew his preferences when it came to women and Peggy Schuyler was so far removed from any of those preferences that he scarcely could believe it.

“That can’t be true, are you sure you’re not mistaken, my friend?”

John was too amused by Lafayette’s surprise to take offence at the question.

“Oh, I’m very sure, my friend.”

Lafayette made a noise somewhere between a squeak and a huff and just shook his head.

The both of them got startled out of their conversation when the man in question grumbled quite loudly without even looking at them.

“If you two are quite finished gossiping about me, I really could use some help here. As amusing as it might be to you, I’m man enough to admit that I’m pretty clueless how to go about this.” He said frustratedly.

“Oui, of course, mon ami. Please forgive us, it was rather inconsiderate of us.” Lafayette was quick to apologize and got to his feet, stopping behind Hercules and resting his hands on the broad shoulders.

“Yeah, okay, what he said. I can’t help that it’s funny but I don’t want to make fun of you, Herc. How can we help?” John joined the other two at the desk, snatching one of the discarded letters and uncrumpled it to read what the other man had written before.

“You know who is really good at these things?” John said thoughtfully after reading a couple more of the discarded letters.

“No, John, I don’t want Hammy’s help writing a letter to his sister-in law, as talented as he might be with a quill. And anyway, from what I know, your skill isn’t far behind, there is no reason to get him involved in this just yet.” Hercules said. He would deny that his voice sounded even distantly pleading.

“Alright, we understand, mon ami. We don’t need to get him involved. Actually, I don’t even think that it would be a good idea to get him involved at the moment. We’ll manage on our own, after all, as skilled as Alexander is with the quill, this letter should sound like you after all.” Lafayette interrupted that line of discussion quickly. He had also skimmed over a handful of Hercules previous attempts.

“From what I gather, you are overthinking this. It is your first letter to Ms Peggy, non? It doesn’t have to be overly flowery and romantic in my opinion.” He shared his thoughts.

“True. Why don’t you write the letter as somewhat as a continuation of your last conversation? I understand you got along quite well or we wouldn’t be having this discussion at all. If I know you at all, I’m sure she is already charmed by you, just continue with that on paper. Ask her how she is doing, if she has enjoyed the visit to Albany. Ask her if she had any new ideas for her dresses since that’s what you bonded over.” John suggested, thinking about the issue more seriously. Hercules was his friend after all and he would do anything to help him. But he would still tease him about it.

“I guess… I just, I don’t want it to sound boring or anything…” Hercules mumbled, biting his lip.

Lafayette squeezed his shoulders gently.

“Not to worry, you won’t… now start and we’ll go from there…”

~*~

>Dear Peggy,

I hope you’re enjoying good health and have rested well after your recent journey. Did you enjoy the stay with your family?

While you were gone, I’ve been thinking about our last conversation but I have to admit that I still can’t quite imagine what it is that you were trying to explain to me. I’m looking forward to our next meeting and the sketch you have promised me. I’m really curious.

Did you have any more ideas in that direction?

I will be returning to my apprenticeship soon and I’d be happy to be of assistance if you ever wanted to try some of your own ideas.

Hoping to talk to you in person again soon,

Sincerely,

-Your friend, Hercules Mulligan.<


	25. Congratulations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit of an 'in-between' chapter, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway.

“…and it’s my great honour and privilege to present to you: the first President of America, George Washington.” John Adams announced after leading through the inauguration ceremony and having Washington swear on a Bible to always act in the best interest for their country.

The big, oval room filled with Congressmen and other people, including Hamilton, Lafayette and Laurens, as well as Jefferson, Madison and an old acquaintance of the former three, Aaron Burr, who they hadn’t seen anymore since long before the battle of Yorktown, erupted in applause.

Washington smiled, waving away the loud welcome.  
“Gentleman, gentleman, I thank you. Truly, the honour is all mine. The trust and faith you bestow on me in appointing me the President is still rather unbelievable to me. I will promise each and every one of you though, that I will do my utmost to live up to your expectations.” He began.

“Leading a country, especially a newly formed one like ours, where we have to build the very foundation our future will stand on for generations to come, certainly is much too great a responsibility for one person to bear alone. That’s what we all are here for today and every time we meet again in the future. I may be the President but we all shall be the leaders of our nation together.” Washington continued, interrupted his speech once again when applause rang through the room.

“Without further ado, I now would like to ask Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson to come up to me.”

The two men shared a short look as they walked up to Washington from two different sides of the room.

“Mister Hamilton, as some of you already know, has previously served as my right-hand man during the war and has proven a true genius in thinking several steps ahead, a master with the quill and an extensive knowledge when it comes to finances. I’m glad that he agreed to put that knowledge to use for our country. I appoint you Secretary of the Treasury. Secretary Hamilton, congratulations.”

Washington handed Alexander an official looking roll of parchment that declared his position and was signed and sealed by the President himself. They shook hands, Washington’s fond smile unmistakeable. The man couldn’t help being happy that he would have his boys close by in this endeavour. He then turned to Jefferson.

“And Mister Jefferson, I have to admit that we haven’t had the pleasure to share many conversations so far but your achievements certainly speak for themselves. For those of you not familiar with Mister Jefferson, the man has spent the past several years in France as an ambassador, representing our country and smoothing the way to form an important and powerful alliance with the French that ultimately paved the way for the favourable outcome of the war. He did our young nation a great service. And that’s the reason I’m convinced he will continue to do so as Secretary of State. Secretary Jefferson, congratulations to you as well.” Washington went through the same motions once more, handing Jefferson a similar roll as he did Alexander.

Both men thanked the President for his trust, symbolically shook hands with each other and went back to their seats.

The meeting continued on for quite some time, there were still many positions to announce and, in the end, quite a few of them left with an appointment of some kind.

Lafayette might have been the most surprised of them all. When Washington had come to invite them all into his Cabinet, he only specified Alexander’s future role of Secretary. John and Laf both had expected to become minor members. While that held true for John, which suited him well because it gave him a bit more room to meddle, even if he wouldn’t admit that out loud, Lafayette had officially been appointed the first Ambassador to France stationed in America.

“Mes amis, this calls for a celebration. I mean, Alexander’s appointment alone would have been reason enough but now I do feel obliged. I didn’t expect this and I’m sure it wouldn’t have been possible without you.” Lafayette announced on their way back.

John laughed.

“Well, one: I won’t ever turn down the call for a celebration, Laf. Two: You might not have expected this but it was an obvious move. I mean who better than to keep the alliance alive than America’s favourite Frenchman? And three: What are you talking about? You had made a name for yourself already before we even came into the picture, if at all, it’s the other way around, man.” He counted down on his fingers.

Alexander grinned as well.

“I mean, I’m pretty convinced that I would have made my way to this point on my own as well but he’s not entirely wrong. I do think however that it’s more a matter of the whole package than each on their own. In any case, I’m glad to have all of you around. And you deserve this job, Laf.” He clapped a friendly hand on the Frenchman’s back.

“And usually I’m on the same page as John, not turning down a good celebration but I can’t just now, I promised Eliza to return home after the meeting. Her sisters are coming over and they want to celebrate as well. You are of course welcome to join the festivities since they are for all of us. Eliza said she would send a message to Hercules this morning as well.”

Lafayette and John shared a quick look, wide grins on their faces.

“The delightful Schuyler sisters are visiting? Well in that case we will join you of course. Lead the way, mon ami!”

Alexander faltered in his step, looked at his two friends suspiciously.

“That wasn’t exactly the reaction I had expected. Is there something I should know?” he looked from one to the other, who both had stopped as well.

“Ah, I’m not entirely sure if we’re at liberty to say, sorry Alex, but I’m sure you’ll know soon enough. Let’s get back to yours, we don’t want to let the lady of the house waiting after all.” John smiled, stepping back and curling an arm around Alexander’s shoulders pulling him along.

Something inside the Caribbean tensed at the secrecy, he wasn’t entirely sure what he was supposed to think of it but he trusted John with his life and knew that Laf would warn him if it was anything terrible, as well. Secret or not, they wouldn’t let him walk right into his doom like that.

“Okay…” he murmured and it didn’t take them too long to make their way to the Hamilton residence.

~*~

It was a picture none of the men would forget for the rest of their lives and neither of them would let Hercules forget about it either.

Upon entering the living room, they were struck by the setting, the three sisters were sitting around the coffee table, where cups of tea and coffee stood scattered, accompanied by small sandwiches and cookies.

A small but nonetheless obvious distance away sat Hercules Mulligan, their broad shouldered, big, confident friend looked at them with wide, bordering on terrified eyes and an overall awkward air around him.

Closest to him sat Eliza with Philip on her lap, next was Angelica and lastly Peggy, who upon closer inspection was as lively as ever but with a red tint high in her cheeks.

“Ah there he is, the man of the hour.” Angelica greeted the newcomers and quickly got to her feet to hug Alexander. “Congratulations, brother.”

“Thank you, Angelica. But the honour isn’t mine alone. My dear friend Lafayette arguably might have gotten the most important job of all.” Alexander declared, winking at the Frenchman as he unhesitatingly got gathered in a hug by Alex’ sister-in law as well.

“Is that so? Well then even better. And you? Did you get your own appointment as well, Mr Laurens?” Angelica asked and John and Alexander shared a quick glance.

“No, no Miss Schuyler, indeed I did not and in not doing so, I might have gotten the most difficult job of them all.” John grinned, a teasing twinkle in his eyes.

“What would that be, John? Now I’m curious.” Eliza said, as she’d gotten closer to the group as well to greet her friends.

“Well, I don’t have a specific role in the Cabinet which might give me just enough time to fulfil my true duty: keeping Alexander in check and making sure that he neither starts fights on an hourly basis nor that he kills himself with exhaustion. Which is a rather time intensive job, as you well know. I rather think I wouldn’t have enough time to actually hold another position as important as theirs.” He explained with a long-suffering sigh at the end.

The loud laughter his words garnered from the women and his friends alike, drowned out Alexander’s slightly offended whine. The Caribbean wisely didn’t say anything more however, knowing full well that John might just be right. He had quite cleverly already acted as his voice of reason at the Jefferson welcome feast after all.

“Well, I’m glad to know my husband in good hands then. I fear I would have fretted quite a bit otherwise.” Eliza grinned good-naturedly and curled one arm around Alexander’s after repositioning her son.

“Best of wives, thank you for this vote of confidence, I’m ever so glad to know that you trust my abilities so little.” Alexander grumbled, just a little hurt really. It was Eliza and John teasing him after all and that alone filled him with enough warmth to forgive their jokes.

*

Lafayette stealthily had slipped away from the small gathering, still listening to the conversation though. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at John’s comment, despite it hitting the truth pretty strongly. He wondered if he should talk to John again about being careful in company. The less people knew the better, even if it was family.

He found his position next to Hercules, who had gotten to his feet too, but had stayed back.

“Congratulations my friend, I understand the General had a position for you as well.” The tailor quickly started the conversation.

“Oui, he did indeed, although it is President now…” Laf sighed. “How are you, my friend, I couldn’t help but notice the silent plea for help when we came in.” he continued in a whisper.

“Ah…” Hercules mumbled. “It wasn’t so much a plea for help but relief over your arrival. I was a little early, you see, and being alone with these three women is a rather daunting affair and…”

“And?” the Frenchman asked gently.

“And I’m getting kind of tongue-tied with Peggy, now that we’ve written those letters, or rather, now that you kind of forced me into acknowledging what’s actually going on… I don’t know how to talk to her, it’s frustrating…” Herc admitted softly, not daring to actually look at his friend for fear that he would laugh at him.

“Oh… mon ami, I do apologize. But it’s better this way, non? I mean, now you’re not lying to yourself anymore. This is merely the awkwardness of young love. I suppose I would feel the very same way when confronted with half her family at the same time before you actually had the opportunity to talk alone. Shall we see to give you some time in private?”

Lafayette suggested, a gentle hand rubbing Hercules back.

They still hadn’t gotten around to properly talk about all this and why Laf had to find out from John but the Frenchman had already gathered that his friend had been rather in denial about his feelings and probably hadn’t mentioned it because of that.

“That would be… nice, actually…” the tailor finally looked up in Lafayette’s gently smiling face.

“Then it shall be done, mon ami. Let us have some coffee and then I might just propose a walk, I’m sure Ms. Peggy will be delighted to be offered your company.” Laf winked before demonstratively starting to prepare his own cup, pulling the attention to the coffee table that way and quickly they had all gathered around it, the conversation revolving more generally around the meeting that day.


	26. Slip-up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little chapter of John being John and Laf being his sneaky, French self...  
> Please enjoy.

“Why is it that they all knew that Hercules is courting Peggy and neither of them thought it necessary to tell me? It’s not like I would have disapproved or anything, on the contrary, I think it’s kind of cute. Weird, but cute.” Alexander grumbled as he got his son ready for bed the night of the first Cabinet meeting.

Philip babbled incoherently, looking at his father with wide eyes, that spoke of a tired baby boy who was actively fighting sleep for some reason.

“Oh don’t tell me, you little traitor knew as well.” Alex sighed but smiled as he pulled Pip in his arms to rock him gently. “Well, okay, I forgive you. I know you would have told me if only I could master understanding your language, little one. But the point remains, I feel a little left out that they all knew and didn’t tell me. Your uncle Herc is so adorable around your auntie. I think they could be good for each other…” he murmured softly.

Philip just yawned against his shoulder, made the Caribbean chuckled.

“Yeah alright, you don’t care, I get it. How about something more interesting, huh? Let me tell you a story about a hare and a tortoise…”

It didn’t take too long for Philip to succumb to sleep and be tucked in so Alexander could return to the living room where the three Schuyler sisters were still talking.

Eliza looked up at him when he sat down next to her, curling his arm around her back.

“Pip’s asleep?”

“Out like a light…” Alex returned, grinning.

“I have to say, dear sister, you certainly got yourself a very special husband. I have encountered very few men who are similarly involved in child care…” Angelica commented thoughtfully.

Eliza nodded happily and stretched a little to press a kiss to Alexander’s cheek.

“True, my Alexander is the most dedicated father.”

The young man chuckled softly. During their short marriage, Alexander had already learned not to question the sisters who sometimes tend to talk as if he wasn’t there. In this case, when they were showering him in praise, he wouldn’t complain.

“Now, Mr Secretary of the Treasury what are your plans for our country.” Angelica, definitely the most interested and knowledgeable when it came to politics, asked. Peggy on the other hand groaned, rolling her eyes at her older sister.

“You sure you want to know? This might take a while and I don’t want to bore our remaining company…” Alexander hesitated but Eliza squeezed his thigh.

“Go on, show her what you’ve been working on, Peggy and I will prepare their guest room for the night in the meantime. Come on little sister.”

“Alright, if you’re sure… follow me…” the Caribbean nodded and got to his feet, leading the eldest Schuyler to his study.

*

“This is genius… you need to make sure this goes through, do whatever it takes, Alexander…” Angelica said after reading some of the papers and listening to the explanation of her brother-in law.

“Easier said than done but I’m planning on doing just that…” Alexander admits, although he was still a little dubious on how he planned to get the plan through after all the arguments John had come up with for the opposition and Lafayette, although impressed by the plan, had his doubts as well.

“Good. Just remember that you have people in your corner. You’re a smart guy, you’ll figure it out.” She said reassuringly.

~*~

>Mister President,

In my position as Secretary of the Treasury, I’ve taken the liberty to formulate a plan on how to strengthen our position and build a lasting financial system.

Enclosed you’ll find a full copy of this plan including extensive calculations and various forecast models for future developments if we implement the system.

I would welcome your input on the plan before I’ll send out a shortened version to my valued colleagues ahead of our next full Cabinet meeting.

Your obedient servant,

-Alexander Hamilton, Secretary of the Treasury.

~*~

Alexander Hamilton was anxious. He was conscious enough to acknowledge that fact and neither John nor Lafayette was able to calm him down. (Mostly because they were in a public building and John couldn’t use the most effective means of calming Alexander down for obvious reasons.)

“Mon petit lion, why are you so nervous? Your plan is a solid one, we all know it but we also know that it’s going to be a hard fight getting it through. You prepared for this.” Lafayette questioned.

“He’s right, Alex. You know what to expect. Jefferson and the others will rip your plan apart because they are idiots, that doesn’t change the fact that it’s an amazing plan. All you have to do today, is an in-depth introduction of your ideas and listen to their arguments to be able to refute them next time. Literally all you have to do is keep a cool head when they start getting offensive. Which they will, I’m sure of it.” John added matter-of-factly.

Alexander stopped in his pacing long enough to look at his friends. Only five more minutes until the meeting would officially begin.

He opened his mouth to say something, but shook his head in the end, deflating visibly.

“You’re right… let’s do this.”

Soon they were back in the big oval room where they had held their previous meeting already. There were fewer men there than last time since there were no guests allowed this time.

Washington soon opened the floor for his Cabinet members and gave Alexander the word.

Alexander Hamilton was a wordsmith not only on paper and managed in a rather lengthy monologue to explain his idea, studiously ignoring his direct opposition from the South.

“Secretary Jefferson, you have the floor, Sir…” Washington announced.

“Excuse me, gentlemen but I can’t help but wonder if this so called ‘plan’ of Secretary Hamilton really is to be taken seriously. New York is in debt and so are many states in the North, I don’t see why the South should be bearing these debts… It’s simply ridiculous to expect the South to pay for other people’s messes. It’s hardly our fault that we’re more frugal with what we have.” Jefferson explained, looking into the circle of men, seeing many faces who obviously agreed with him.

“Secretary Jefferson, I’d like to contest that the South’s lack of debt has anything to do with being frugal.” The Caribbean shot back, surprisingly calm.

“Oh please, what else do you want to call it? We plant and create, we provide the American people with things they wouldn’t otherwise have.” Thomas reiterated the claim.

“What else I would call it? Well, exploitation would probably be the most fitting word that’s coming to mind…” Alexander said, watching Jefferson sneer for a moment.

“Excuse me? It’s not our fault that you can’t handle your workforces properly…” Thomas snapped, immediately getting interrupted.

“And what does that ‘handling of your workforce’ entail? Starving them? Whipping them? Threatening them? Using them without the smallest hint of a reward? Are you fucking kidding me? Don’t lecture us on ‘handling our workforce’. At least the North actually *has* a workforce, who gets paid for their labour. All you have is a bunch of slaves you probably don’t even know the names of because there are so many of them and they are dying faster under the pressure than you can actually take notice of, you arrogant, entitled *shit*!”

Silence rang deafening in the room after that. Every single person in the room had turned to look at the man who had spoken. It hadn’t been Alexander, however, but John who had jumped to his feet and lost his cool.

“Enough! Gentleman, let’s take a break!” Washington quickly called into the stunned silence and quickly the group dispersed.

The President sent a hard glance towards his former soldiers and left the room as well.

Laf had gotten to his feet as well, one hand on John’s shoulder to keep him from bolting and doing something he would come to regret.

Alexander was looking incredulously at his lover, trying to grasp what had just happened before his lips curled into an amused smirk.

“Well… I didn’t see that one coming. What about keeping our cool and keeping our friends close, but our enemies closer? And all the ‘don’t antagonise the South right from the start’?” he said.

John’s shoulder slumped and he let his head hang in embarrassment and shame.

“Sorry, I just…”

“No need for apologies. For all it’s worth, it might just have made our job significantly more difficult, but I think you were awesome. To be honest, if you hadn’t lost your shit just now, I would have given him about two sentences more until I would have done.” The Caribbean couldn’t stop himself and ruffled John’s hair affectionately.

“Well, I really can’t say that this went all that brilliantly and I usually really like Thomas but just now I would have enjoyed punching him in the nose as well…” Lafayette admitted softly, eliciting first soft chuckles that quickly turned into loud laughs from the other two men.

“Oh, what a mess…” Alexander finally sighed and dropped in his seat with a sigh.

“Yeah agreed. Again, sorry. I know you said it’s not necessary but I made your job so much more difficult now after actually lecturing you on not doing exactly that, it’s quite hypocritical.” John sighed as well, sitting down next to his lover.

“Well… all might not be lost just yet. There is still a chance to turn this around. Alexander still has the other plan, non? The one that combines the financial system and the slavery fix? Maybe we have now the necessary grounds to actually bring that into discussion. There is some smoothing of the waves to do first, though. Personally, I would suggest a social gathering hosted by us as some form of peace-offering.” Lafayette mused while pacing in front of his friends.

“You mean, inviting Jefferson and the others for a dinner party?” John asked, confused.

“Exactly… make it seem like it’s an apology for your little outburst, softening the ruffled feathers again *and* maybe in a more relaxed atmosphere we can learn about something our dear opposition would like, a game of give and take might be our best bet, non?” the Frenchman continued, his eyes finally turned to Alexander whose brows had been furrowed at first but who was smirking in delight now.

“You, my French ami, are the most amazing and sneaky man I know. This is genius.” The shorter man exclaimed excitedly.

“Ah, all in a day’s work… you should know best that I’m not beyond playing a little dirty, mon ami.” Lafayette returned the smirk.

“Indeed, you’re not. I can count on you to help with the preparation? I’m sure Eliza will be delighted to host a little party.”

“And if all else fails, we bribe them with cute baby cuddles…” John murmured under his breath, but his French friend had heard him and snorted softly. From what Lafayette knew about Thomas Jefferson that might just work as well. And Pip really was a precious child.


	27. Doubts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deep talks and lots of fluff, enjoy~

>Secretary Jefferson,

Please accept my humble apology for the rather negative way our most recent Cabinet meeting ended.

My wife and I are hosting a small gathering for friends and colleagues on Friday evening and we would be honoured if you agreed to join us.

Let the occasion be a small compensation and the opportunity to get to know each other better. If everything goes well, we will spend quite some time working together after all.

Please let me know if you’re going to join us.

Sincerely,

Alexander Hamilton, Secretary of the Treasury.<

~*~

“What kind of weird game is this?”

Those were the first words James Madison heard after the double doors to his office got pushed open forcefully.

The smaller man took a deep breath, studiously ignoring the slight rattle he could feel in his chest and turned his eyes to the intruder.

“Good evening, Thomas. To what do I owe the pleasure of you barging into my office unannounced? Again?” he asked softly, his face betraying nothing. He had received the rather surprising invitation from Secretary Hamilton not too long before and it wasn’t that big a stretch that his good friend was talking about a similar letter.

“Yes, good evening, James. And please don’t bother, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s this preposterous invitation from Hamilton. I mean, granted the apology was justified for that little stunt at the meeting, but this? This is ridiculous.” Jefferson sat down in the chair opposite James, leaning his head back with a groan.

The reserved man observed his friend silently for a long moment.

“Why?”

Thomas startled and looked up.

“What?”

James chuckled and repeated his question.

“Why is it ridiculous?”

“Because… I mean… it’s Hamilton we’re talking about here…”

Thomas frowned when James remained stubbornly quiet, waiting for him to make any sense at all.

“God, it’s been obvious that we don’t see eye to eye the moment we got introduced to each other; it might have been the first proper meeting but I doubt this will be the last time out debates turn personal. Does he plan on us hosting a party every time? And besides, it hadn’t even been Hamilton who insulted me… I just don’t get it…”

Jefferson dissolved into ranting mode.

James thoughtfully folded his hands on his desk.

“Well, I can see why you’re confused, my friend. But -bear with me for a second- have you considered that Hamilton actually wants to build a civil working environment? I suppose you becoming friends would be a big stretch at this point but you could at least be mostly friendly. It would make our work so much easier.”

“Honestly, do you for a second believe this yourself? No, I doubt it. I give you that civility would make work easier but does Alexander Hamilton strike you as a man who cares about that? I’m more under the impression that he enjoys having someone to argue with. Nah, I think there is something else at work here.” The taller man refuted with a conviction in his voice that brooked no argument.

“Be that as it may, the question is: are you going to accept his invitation? See what he wants for yourself… if anything, we might get some insight in his plans and you have another opportunity of meeting with you friend, our dear ambassador, the Marquis de Lafayette. And if you walk away with one or two friends more? Where’s the harm in that. I’m starting to think that France has made you paranoid.”

James Madison was a calm man but he had a delightfully teasing side he only ever showed to his friends.

The tall Virginian narrowed his eyes and growled under his breath.

“What? Just because I have a healthy distrust of my political enemy I’m paranoid now?”

“Jesus, Thomas, I meant it as a joke but now that you’re asking, since your return you certainly do have a knack of questioning everything. You weren’t like that before you went to Europe.” James admitted an observation he hadn’t actually meant to address.

“Ah…” Thomas’s features softened and his gaze turned to the floor.

James didn’t miss the hurt that flashed through the expressive, big eyes of his friend. Nothing new however, he understood that it wasn’t about what he had said but something else.

“Thomas? What happened?” he asked gently but after a long moment it became obvious that his friend was struggling with his words even if Thomas hadn’t moved. James sighed and got to his feet.

“Alright, my friend, I know that my office chairs are reasonably comfortable but I get the feeling that this calls for a more informal comfort. Let’s go to the living room where I can fix you a drink.”

The taller looked at his friend for a moment, then nodded, wordlessly following him and re-settling on a definitely more comfortable sofa. Soon James had provided him with a generous glass of whiskey and sat himself down in his favourite armchair, waiting patiently.

“It’s… well it’s kind of stupid if anything. France… in a way you might be right, it made me paranoid. The political tone in Europe is vastly different to what we’re used to around here. You can’t trust anyone there, there is no such thing as a friend in politics over there. Friendliness, compliments and social gatherings are used as deadly weapons on a frequent basis. It took me quite some time to get used to that and I got stabbed in the back by people I thought friends a lot along the way. God, it’s been an amazing time, don’t get me wrong, Paris is beautiful no matter the time of year but I was so close to coming back home because I couldn’t deal with that. I mean, you are my oldest friend, you know the difficulties I have with big gatherings, with talking publicly and sometimes it was just so hard without having someone who I could actually trust.” Thomas explained softly, taking a long swig from his glass.

“I made the mistake to confide these… anxieties to someone and not too long after he used the knowledge against me, made me the laughingstock of the party. Ever since… well, I became honestly lonely from staying by myself after that and took the first chance to actually return home I got. So yeah, I suppose you’re right…”

James stayed quiet throughout his friend’s explanation, couldn’t help the audible exhale in the end. What Thomas told him was even worse than what he had imagined and on the inside he was seething with rage. Thomas, even before France, made friends easily but had a hard time trusting people; it was certainly something that came from growing up exceptionally well off and never knowing if someone was in it for him as a person or the money.

“I know it might not mean much, but I’m sorry this happened, Thomas. Why didn’t you mention any of this in our letters? It might have helped…”

Although, in all honesty, James knew that it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. How could it have done all the way across an ocean. And he had an inkling why Thomas hadn’t mentioned it, he was a proud man after all. He didn’t want to admit yet another weakness, despite the fact that he should know that James wouldn’t have seen it that way, the same way he didn’t see his secret anxieties as weaknesses. On the contrary, he was of the opinion that they were what made Thomas Jefferson probably the bravest man he knew since he didn’t let them bring him down but fought them every single day on his way to the top instead.

“Thanks Jemmy…” the taller sighed and looked at his friend for the first time during this conversation. “You’re right, it doesn’t exactly mean much but it still is good to hear, reminds me why you’re my best friend.”

The shorter Virginian smiled fondly at hearing the rarely used nickname, thinking about it, it was only ever used by Thomas in the first place.

“And I always will be, whatever happens, Thomas. I will promise you that.”

He left the sentence to sink in for a moment and took a sip from his significantly smaller drink before he continued.

“Bearing all that in mind, however, the question remains, will you accept Hamilton’s invitation?”

The other man groaned.

“Of course, I’ll accept the invitation, there really is no good way not to. Unless it’s a life-threatening emergency, I fear it wouldn’t shine the best light on me if I declined. And you’re right, if nothing else, it might be nice to talk to Lafayette again outside of the Cabinet. He is French but I think he might be a more honourable one.”

James nodded at that, carefully taking note of the fact that Thomas had agreed to meeting with Lafayette but not to actually using the celebration to gather information, clearly uncomfortable by the idea of making that a goal for the event. Now he understood why. If they learned something along the way, that would be nice but not the reason why the go there. Thomas might be simplifying the matter that way but James wouldn’t disagree with him now.

~*~

>Secretary Hamilton,

I thank you for your rather surprising invitation.

I’d like to inform you that I’d be delighted to attend your dinner and make the acquaintance of your dear wife.

I trust you will let me know in time when I’m expected to arrive.

Sincerely,

Thomas Jefferson, Secretary of the State.<

~*~

“…the townhouse cook will arrive on Friday morning to prepare the dinner, I just have to make sure she has everything she needs… oh dear, I hope I didn’t forget anything… and do we have enough space? It’ll hardly be a nice evening if our guests feel cramped in their seats… I like my home but it is on the smaller side… what will our guests say? I’m sure they all live in big mansions with extra rooms for events like this…” Eliza rambled tirelessly, mostly to herself, as she flitted around her kitchen, checking and re-checking her supplies.

She had been at many an official dinner while growing up of course, that’s what happens when your father is a politician and she had helped oversee preparations before as well but always in her family home where she was sure that everything was in order and ready at all times because their kitchen staff was like a family and they were always prepared for anything. Now it was her own home, the first time she really was in charge with basically no help at all because they usually had no need for a cook or servants, much less the funds to hire one. Alexander didn’t earn all that much despite his position and her own money was better put towards other things while she was still able to handle her own kitchen.

“Ma chère Eliza…” Lafayette finally sighed and stepped in her way when she made to open the plates cabinet for the fifth time.

The Frenchman had leaned against the far wall, his arms crossed in front of him and had silently listened to the smaller woman for the past half an hour. The dinner had been his idea after all and he had promised Alexander that he would help Eliza with the planning and preparation. If only he had expected the young mother to get as stressed by the event as she obviously was, he would have suggested hosting the dinner at their home.

Gently he grabbed Eliza’s shoulders and pulled her into a hug. The woman stiffened significantly for a moment before she all but melted against him, all the nervous energy that had held her upright leaving her at once.

Of the three friends of her husband, Lafayette might still be the one she was less close to but she trusted him anyway.

“Ma chère Eliza,” he repeated once more. “You need to calm down. More importantly, you are allowed to calm down. Everything is in perfect order, you and me made sure of it, non? The storeroom is filled, I double-checked it personally last night, against the recipe your family cook sent over. There are more than enough plates for everyone, the same goes for the silverware. There is no need to fret.” He let his long fingers gently comb through the loose curls at the back of her head.

“As for your other worries, it is only a small gathering, Eliza, there is more than enough space in your salon for all of us to fit comfortably. Your house may be small but it’s a truly warm home and that’s something no big mansion every can achieve in my experience but will always make any gathering so much more enjoyable. None of our guests will think badly of your house and if they do? Well, it’s their loss and I’ll make sure they won’t ever be invited to a dinner like this in future. They don’t deserve it then.”

Slowly he let go of the smaller woman and waited until he could look her in her tired eyes and gently placed a hand to her cheek.

“You have done so much already, my dear friend, everything will be perfectly fine for the dinner. Why don’t you go and have some rest. Alexander and John surely are still working if I know my friends at all and Hercules and I are perfectly capable and willing to look after Philip for a while. You deserve a break.” He smiled at her.

Before Eliza could answer him, they got startled by a voice from the door.

“I agree with him. And I’m glad you’re my friend, Laf, otherwise I would be worried about you charming my wife like that. Everything alright in here?” Alexander asked, one eyebrow raised in silent amusement.

Any other man probably would have let go of Eliza in that moment but the Frenchman just grinned and pulled the woman closer again.

“Everything is perfectly fine, mon ami, I merely dispelled a few doubts about Friday while you’re holed up in your study once again. Speaking of which, why are you here?”

Eliza had blushed at being hugged so tightly again before she extricated herself from Lafayette’s grip cautiously and looked at Alexander shyly and possibly a little guilty.

The Caribbean couldn’t have that of course and quickly stepped closer, curling one arm around her waist and pressed a sweet kiss to her temple.

“Is that right? Well then I’m glad, because I know for a fact that you are the best at hugging away doubts. To answer your question, I merely wanted some more coffee.” He explained, then turned more to Eliza.

“But he is right, my dear. You’ve been working so hard for the preparation of this dinner, all while looking after Philip and me, you deserve a break more than anyone. Go and rest for a while, we have everything covered, I promise.”

“Are you sure?” she asked meekly, although she couldn’t deny that some sleep sounded very inviting.

“Pip isn’t due another feeding for a while yet and anything else we can manage, I’m absolutely sure. Take some time to yourself.” He pressed his lips against her hair once more and gave Laf a wink. “I’m pretty sure uncle Laf has just been waiting for this opportunity.”

“You can’t prove anything but I certainly wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to, you both know I adore him.” The Frenchman grinned happily and turned to the door; pretty sure the conversation was over now.


	28. Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please enjoy~

The dinner party was almost complete and already off to a good start if you asked Alexander Hamilton. The most of the few people they had invited were already there. George and Martha Washington had been the first to arrive, with the latter quickly vanishing into the kitchen to help Eliza while she was completely taken by Philip at the same time.

John Adams, although not exactly Alexander’s favourite person and two other members of their party were already deep in conversation about some political topic or another and Aaron Burr and his wife Theodosia were in an animated discussion with Angelica.

John was currently playing chaperon for Hercules and Peggy while the two were talking quietly.

The only other two people missing were actually James Madison and Thomas Jefferson, not that the Caribbean had expected anything else.

“So far everything seems to go well, mon ami, don’t you think?” Lafayette mused, stepping next to Alexander.

“Are you talking about this gathering or the almost sickeningly sweet courting of Herc and Peggy?” the shorter man asked with a soft huff.

“I was referring to this social event but you are right, that seems to be going very well too. The way this is going, I’m wondering if there is to be another wedding before the year ends. Maybe then I’ll get to be flower boy…” the Frenchman smiled thoughtfully.

“As much as I would love to see that happening, my friend, I rather think you will have no time for that besides your duties as best man.” Alex looked up at his friend, whose eyes widened in surprise.

“You think?” he murmured.

“Oh, I’m pretty sure, just you wait. Anyway… maybe we can stall the wedding long enough for Pip to learn how to walk, then he can do it…” the Caribbean grinned, his lips stretched wide at the mental image.

Their rather off-topic conversation was soon interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Ah, our missing guests finally make an appearance, would you please let Eliza know, Laf?” Alex asked softly as he stepped to the door.

The Frenchman nodded and vanished towards the kitchen, to get the lady of the house.

“Secretary Jefferson, Mister Madison, I’m glad you could make it. Please do come in.” he greeted the two men, stepping aside to let them enter. “Please let me take your coats for you.” He added pleasantly, much to the surprise and discomfort of Thomas.

“Secretary Hamilton, thank you for your invitation, please do excuse our lateness, we got delayed by a small issue at my house.” Madison explained softly, a small, apologetic smile on his lips but Alexander couldn’t help but notice that the other man seemed to be even paler than usual.

“Not to worry, Mister Madison, you arrived still with plenty of time, dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”

“Alexander…” the addressed man turned with a smile and held out a hand towards his wife.

“Gentlemen, may I introduce to you, the lady of the house and the light of my life, my dear wife, Eliza.” He squeezed her hand gently. “Eliza, these gentlemen are my colleagues, James Madison and Secretary Thomas Jefferson.”

Thomas’ eyes widened a little in surprise when he met the bright and obviously smart gaze of Eliza.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both, I’ve heard quite a lot about you already.”

“Despite knowing who your husband is, I hope you only heard good things. The pleasure is all mine.” Thomas bowed his head and charmingly pressed a fleeting kiss to Eliza’s knuckles, making the small woman blush slightly.

“Flirting already? And with a married woman at that? I see your time in France certainly left an impression, Thomas.” Lafayette teased from behind the couple, effectively cutting off the most definitely cutting comment that was on Alexander’s tongue.

“I’m hardly flirting, Gilbert, I’m merely appreciating and that’s nothing to do with the French but a proper Virginian upbringing.” Jefferson retorted before unceremoniously being pulled into a proper French greeting by Lafayette.

“Why don’t we join the others, gentlemen?” Alexander took the word again, although it did sound a little more forced to the ears of Eliza and Laf.

“You do that, I’ll go back to the kitchen, dinner will be served shortly. If you would gather our guest in the salon, Alexander?” Eliza said softly.

~*~

The dinner itself went by without incident. Just like Lafayette had told Eliza before, everything was impeccable and the food was enjoyed by everyone.

The mood and conversation were light-hearted, but probably mostly because they all refrained from discussing more controversial political topics at the table, especially as women were present.

After dinner however the ladies retired into the living room for coffee while the men stayed in the salon and not too long after the overall tone became a bit rougher. Far from the heated debates on the Congress floor but still.

Funny enough for the men present it wasn’t, as everyone expected, Hamilton and Jefferson who first started arguing again but John and Aaron Burr who stood at opposing ends of the argument: Aaron Burr, New Jersey-born and raised but arguing in favour of the South while Laurens, who was actually born in the South, fought against it.

“I just don’t get you, I have my own reasons but you… have you no pride in the legacy your father built?” Burr sniped.

“Not that it has anything to do with you, Burr, but I might respect my father but I’m taking no pride in his businesses. I rather build my own legacy, something that speaks for itself and will actually do something good for our nation as a whole. If we all just look for our own gain, nothing will ever get accomplished. And until the likes of you don’t open their eyes to reality, I will stand up for what is right.” John growled back.

“Oh my, it’s actually kind of funny to watch, now that I’m not at the receiving end…” Thomas murmured under his breath, earning himself a chiding huff from James.

“And you decide what is right, I understand?” Burr asked, surprisingly calmly.

“Not me personally, I never said I did but I strongly support Secretary Hamilton’s plan because I know that to build something, you have to invest something in return. That’s what’s his proposal is about…” John explained, voice sounding a little forced and Alexander and Lafayette both noticed his tightly balled fist.

“By taxing the South way more than the North? That hardly seems fair.” His opponent mused almost nonchalantly.

“No, what is hardly fair is the way the South treats the people who actually do all the work for them. If they would deign to treat their workers right according to our own declaration that ‘all men are created equal’ we wouldn’t have that issue. But since they insist on treating them as cattle to use for their own gain, it’s only right that they should compensate for that.” John’s eyes flashed to Thomas Jefferson when he said that, nostrils flaring.

“Gentlemen, I rather think this conversation is going too far for a private social gathering as this one. I understand the topic is a difficult one but please let us continue this at our next official meeting.” Washington stepped in just as it became obvious that both his Secretaries were about to join the argument and that would have been a recipe for disaster.

The President’s wish was grudgingly followed and John quickly retreated into a far corner to calm himself down, Alexander following him.

“For what it’s worth… personally I think you clearly won that round, Laurens…” the brown eyes of the Caribbean twinkled with mirth and pride which served to calm and relax his lover a lot quicker than he otherwise would have. “The timing just wasn’t right… bringing in the Declaration of Independence was kind of genius though; I’ll definitely keep that one in mind.”

“Yeah well, doesn’t help if they’re all as thick as Burr and Jefferson and now that I let that slip, I rather fear you won’t get too far with that argument anymore. Sorry about that.” John sighed, stealing the glass from Alexander’s hands and quickly emptied it.

“Nothing to be sorry for, I’ll find a way when the time comes. We both know that this evening wasn’t about winning an argument.” Alexander shook his head. “Now come, don’t let this ruin the evening, let’s get you your own drink.”

~*~

“Well, that was entertaining… I dare say, far more so than any private or official function you had the misfortune to attend in France, am I right?” Lafayette said, amusement and the slight edge of alcohol evident in his voice, making is accent more obvious than usual.

Thomas sighed.

“You know, I can’t even disagree with that. The drama occurring there usually is on a more scandalous level than a political debate going south, no pun intended.”

The Frenchman chuckled softly.

“Gotta love the French and their drama…” he said, although it did sound a little sarcastic coming from him since everyone who knew Lafayette, also knew that he might like to gossip at times but he much more preferred the direct and honest approach to politics. He might have suggested this dinner to Alexander in an effort to unruffle some feathers and maybe gather information but he hadn’t intended that to happen in the underhanded way that was so popular overseas.

“Yeah, well… that ‘drama’ certainly is something I haven’t missed once since my return. That Laurens really is a feisty one, isn’t he?” Thomas said, actually more to himself than directed at his companion.

“John? Oh, you don’t know the half of it. I mean, he is my friend and I might be a little biased but he certainly is a good man. I understand that you clash in your opinions quite drastically but he is one of the kindest and most loyal men I know who doesn’t hesitate to do whatever is right. And one thing you can count on is that he will let you know exactly what he thinks, no sugar-coating with him.” Laf said, watching John and Alexander from across the room, glad that both of them were smart enough to avoid suspicion.

“Yeah? Well that’s definitely a merit in his favour, I’ll keep that in mind in the future.” the Virginian sighed. “Do you miss it? France, I mean?”

Lafayette looked at his friend’s eyes and smiled.

“It’s my home country, I will always miss it to some degree and if I had the chance to actually accomplish something there, I would have boarded a ship back the moment the war was won. But the way things are… well, you know… so yeah, I do miss it but on the other hand, *this*…” he made a vague gesture that could encompass the whole room or might have meant the city. “… this is my home now!”

Thomas stayed silent for a moment, thinking about Lafayette’s words.

“I never had that, over there… I never really felt properly at home, even here… *home* would actually be Monticello. New York is nice but not quite home either. But, as a good friend recently said, there is only so much you can achieve politically if you stay in Virginia, so I followed the call here. And I count myself lucky that I at least have some friends by my side here, even if they sit on the wrong side of the Cabinet room.” He winked at Laf teasingly who just chuckled and shook his head.

“Oh…” he then said quietly, gaze turning towards the door where Eliza stood, looking a little frazzled.

Lafayette followed the other man’s gaze and frowned.

“Eliza, my dear, what’s the matter?” he asked after bridging the small distance to the door.

“Ah, Laf…” she looked at the Frenchman, her eyes darting to Jefferson who had followed, curious. “It’s Pip… he’s upset and I can’t manage to calm him down, you know how he is. Hercules already tried but it’s just not the same, I fear… do you know where Alexander is? I hate to interrupt your evening like that…” she explained, eyes wandering searchingly around the room.

To Thomas surprise, Lafayette’s features softened visible.

“Mon gentil prince… he needs his papa… understandable, with all the preparation, Alexander didn’t have a lot of time today… don’t worry, Eliza, you’re not interrupting anything that would be more important to Alex than Philip. He’s back in the corner, I’ll send him to you momentarily.”

The Frenchman turned on his heels and quickly walked to Alexander and John.

“Sorry about that, Secretary Jefferson.” Eliza said softly.

“Oh, not at all, Mrs Hamilton. Your son, I understand, has quite a strong bond with his father.” He said a little thoughtfully because it didn’t necessarily fit the image of Alexander Hamilton he had in his mind.

“Sometimes I think ‘strong bond’ might be an understatement.” The woman chuckled. “Please excuse me…” she nodded her head respectfully when she saw Alexander coming and together, they left the salon without further comment.

Jefferson only blinked in surprise after them, trying to incorporate that new bit of information into his previous image of his political adversary.

“Surprised? Well, I suppose Alexander would disapprove of me telling you this but you would be even more surprised if you got to witness the care and dedication this man has for his son. Alexander Hamilton is a menace when it comes to work, ignoring his own needs on a regular basis but I watched him drop everything the moment his son cries on several occasions; walking around, rocking this child for hours without a single complaint. He wants to build a strong and just nation, not for himself, but for his son.” Lafayette grinned when he returned, patting Thomas on the shoulder gently.

“Not that I want to influence you or anything but maybe you want to consider that as well in future.”

~*~

The gathering ended some time later when the first guests decided to leave and put some kind of domino effect in motion that compelled the others to leave as well.

Alexander’s short disappearance hadn’t really been noticed by many. He had been gone for a little while, enough to calm Philip down, read something to him and put him to bed. It had become a bit of a routine by now.

Everyone, even Jefferson, thanked Eliza and him for the dinner and the evening before they left, ending the evening on somewhat civil terms, much to the surprised of both Secretaries.

**Author's Note:**

> If everything works out the way I plan, this should go up in weekly updates, just so you know.


End file.
